Have you ever loved someone so dearly and have had that love not returned? (The other person shares everything apart from their love. They refuse to surrender themselves to the process of entering into a loving relationship; the love, (self-) trust, courage, freedom, choice and commitment that a loving relationship requires. They deny emotional intimacy; they put up a shield to protect themselves from the deep hurt that loving relationships can sometimes bring.)
Have you ever felt sick to the stomach over unrequited love?
Have you ever yearned in your heart or loins for someone when your head is telling you...
“This is absolutely the wrong partner for you”?
“Bottom line, she/he just doesn’t fancy you”?
“You and him/her, it’s never going to happen”?
Or something like
“She/he simply doesn’t love you the way you love her/him”?
Your head judges, your loins desire sexual fulfilment and your heart seeks to share love. I call this the Head, Heart and Loins dynamics of a relationship. When all three are aligned, within and between partners, their relationship is probably in good shape to meet the outcomes they seek. (The same holds true for a personal friendship whether there is a sexual element to that friendship or not.) I speak neither of good nor bad, nor moralise. I speak of the process of achieving a higher purpose, you set for yourself, through the journey to the goals you set for the relationship, be those goals profound or for short term recreation.
Your higher purpose is not the goals you set, it is the journey you complete to become your true nature, the journey to love, self-love, oneness, completeness.
Your journey to self-love involves the removal off all anger, hurt, shame and fear about the past and future. It implies living mindfully in the present moment (by moment), the present tense.
A loving relationship with that someone special in your life can delight and traumatise your emotions. This booklet contains a series of exercises to take you on a mindful journey, read its route map and practise ancient wisdom. Within you’ll learn about...
- The journey to understand and fulfil the higher purpose of a relationship - to help you and your partner to journey to self-love so that you can love one another.
You cannot give to anyone that which you do not give to yourself first
- The nature of outcomes (or goals) you and your partner (or friend) set for yourselves.
- The difference between your purpose and goals for a relationship - and they are very different, in context and value.
- How when your emotions are tested to the limit, the path to success requires that you stay mindful of your purpose and let go of the outcomes you seek, moment by moment - mindfulness.
Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding.
Mindfulness, sometimes referred to as being present in the moment, is the process of creating love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and completeness in the moment (by moment) - regardless of whether these vibrations are returned or not. It takes mindfulness to fulfil a relationship’s true purpose, which curiously can be achieved whether the goals are achieved or not.
For example, in movies and songs I’ve heard the phrase, “You complete me”. Well if someone’s purpose is to become complete and they set a goal to find someone who completes them - what happens should they achieve completeness? They no longer need that someone else for the purpose of completeness.
Other people don’t complete you. You find ‘completeness’ through the journey to ‘completeness’; you find ‘oneness’.
Mindfulness is the vehicle by which to travel the journey.
About the Author
I’m in the business of equipping people to improve their effectiveness by 30%+ in a matter of weeks, sometimes days. Business Client: “I have worked with Paul periodically over the past 8 years to gain solutions to a number of people issues / opportunities. If you are looking for a Personal Coach to make a High Performer / High performing Team even better (particularly a senior player) – I would not hesitate to recommend him”. Sandra Ventre, Management Development Director, Reckitt Benckiser (now with Qantas) Private Client: “You have been so instrumental in the positive changes in my life, I set quite a few goals, and one by one my goals are being achieved, thanks to you, showing me how”. Debbie (via Skype) Cape Town, South Africa. The Skills and Passions in Me Life doesn’t get better by chance; it gets better by change. And change is a journey that’s two parts, emotional, to one part, intellectual. Most of us don’t achieve what we set out to achieve at the first attempt. If the outcomes you sought were down to a purely intellectual exercise then you would have achieved them already - would you not? Whether you’re a top or moderate performer (or underperforming right now) - every change you make in life is a journey, two parts emotional to one part intellectual. We are twice as likely to hold ourselves back because of self-imposed emotional blocks as opposed to intellectual problems. Put simply, I equip people to tackle challenging emotional journeys. Corporate clients use me as a ‘business coach’, personal clients probably see me as more of an ‘energy healer’. In both cases I help clients to release the emotional blocks so that they cultivate and apply their innate willpower, imagination, courage and creativity to achieve the business and personal outcomes they seek. I’ve over thirty five years of ‘b2b’ corporate sales and management experience, fifteen years of which overlap with my business and personal coaching work. I’ve a PhD in Statistics and a First Class Honours Degree in Mathematics. I’m qualified as a Master Practitioner in: NLP, this/past life regression and hypnotherapy. I write books, blogs and have just started a series of business articles based upon my own original research, experience and observations in corporate and SME business. I study and practice ancient wisdom, astrology, casting runes, dowsing, the I Ching and the Tarot. I love listening to music – rock, jazz, country… you name it. I sing a bit too. I’m a passionate football fan of Newcastle United Football Club, in “Geordieland”, in The North-East of England.