The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels

by Susan Pease Gadoua, Vicki Larson

Overview

If half of all cars bought in America each year broke down, there would be a national uproar. But when people suggest that maybe every single marriage doesn t look like the next and isn t meant to last until death, there s nothing but a rash of proposed laws trying to force it to do just that.

In The New I Do, therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson take a groundbreaking look at the modern shape of marriage to help readers open their minds to marrying more consciously and creatively. Offering actual models of less-traditional marriages, including everything from a parenting marriage (intended for the sake of raising and nurturing children) to a comfort or safety marriage (where people marry for financial security or companionship), the book covers unique options for couples interested in forging their own paths.

With advice and quizzes to help readers decide what works for them, The New I Do acts as a guide to thinking outside the marital box and the framework for a new debate on marriage in the 21st century."

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781580055451
Publisher:	Basic Books
Publication date:	09/23/2014
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Susan Pease Gadoua is the author of the San Francisco Chronicle bestseller Contemplating Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go, as well as Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce and The Top Ten Misguided Reasons to Stay in a Bad Marriage. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, she is a licensed therapist with an expertise in marriage and divorce. She earned her BA in psychology from Drew University and her master’s in social work from NYU and San Francisco State University.

Gadoua has appeared on television and radio programs, including The CBS Early Show, and in print publications such as The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The Washington Post, Psychology Today, and Divorce Magazine. She is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post's "Divorce" page and PsychologyToday.com

In addition to providing marriage and divorce counseling to clients throughout the world, Gadoua trains therapists on how to help clients through divorce using a program she developed called the Phoenix Method for Divorce Recovery™. Passionate about her work, she’s a dynamic presenter and is available for consultations, public speaking, or trainings. To learn more, visit changingmarriage.com.

Vicki Larson is a longtime journalist, freelancer, columnist, and blogger. She works as the lifestyles editor and writer at a San Francisco Bay Area newspaper, and her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, Mommy Tracked, Modern Mom, Divorce 360, and the anthologies Knowing Pains: Women on Love, Sex and Work in Our 40s and Nothing But The Truth: Women on Life's Transitions. She has been a guest on radio shows, including Minnesota Public Radio’s “The Daily Circuit,” and is the proud mother of two extraordinary young men.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Have We Outgrown Marriage? 9

Why Put a Ring on It? 29

Starter Marriage: Trying On Marriage to See if It Fits 45

Companionship Marriage: You've Got a Friend 67

Parenting Marriage: Truly Planned Parenthood 87

Living Alone Together: Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder 115

Covenant Marriage: Extreme Marriage Makeovers 133

Safety Marriage: Money Can Buy You Love and Happiness 149

Open Marriage: Why Monogamy? 171

To Pre or Not to Pre When Your Mate Pops the Question 195

Open Mind, Open Dialog 213

Editorial Reviews

"If you think a 50 precent divorce rate is an acceptable statistic, then I suppose you don't have to read this book. For everyone else, this book will give you permission to think out of the box."
—Pepper Schwartz, author of The Normal Bar

"The New I Do is a definite 'gotta get' book, providing you the tools to make your decision to marry a solid and successful one."
—Dr. Charles Sophy, author of Side by Side

“Impressively analyzed and explained… The solid, erudite style pleasantly eschews the usual hype found in other works on the subject. Highly recommended for libraries supporting the helping professions and essential for all marriage therapists.”
—Library Journal

From the Publisher

10/15/2014
Coauthors licensed therapist Gadoua (Stronger Day by Day; Contemplating Divorce) and journalist Larson present a refreshing analysis of the institution of marriage and explain various creative alternatives to the traditional approach to it. The age-old concept of marriage that is being turned upside down involves a male and a female legally married for life, who are faithful to each other, have at least two kids, and hold down income-generating jobs that enable the family to stay in one place at least until the couple reaches retirement. Unfortunately, with a divorce rate in America of 50 percent and rising, clearly the time calls for new definitions. In addition to questioning the need for marriage, the authors thoroughly describe various alternatives, such as marriages of companionship, parenting, safety, distance, and so on. Also discussed are diverse approaches to prenuptial agreements. Instead of a reinvigorated system of marital therapy, the authors present a reasoned, objective discussion of modern models of marriage that are rapidly becoming real across the country. Each idea is impressively analyzed and explained, with a succinct summary list of related pros and cons. The solid, erudite style pleasantly eschews the usual hype found in other works on the subject. VERDICT Highly recommended for libraries supporting the helping professions and essential for all marriage therapists.—Dale Farris, Groves, TX

Library Journal

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