The People Pleaser's Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

The People Pleaser's Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

by Dr. Mike Bechtle
The People Pleaser's Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

The People Pleaser's Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

by Dr. Mike Bechtle


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We all want other people to like us and think well of us. But when we depend on the praise, admiration, or appreciation of others for our sense of self-worth, we become trapped in an exhausting and debilitating cycle of people-pleasing relationships where we always give and rarely receive. The most common advice we hear—Start putting your own needs first!— doesn't work, because we do love helping other people!

Thankfully, the solution to the people pleaser's "problem" isn't to fundamentally change who you are—it's to fundamentally change where you find your worth. In this freeing book, Dr. Mike Bechtle shows you stop letting your fears of rejection, criticism, invisibility, or inadequacy drive your actions and start rebuilding your sense of self-worth from the inside out. When you do, you'll discover that what you once thought of as a struggle is actually a strength.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781493428922
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Publication date: 01/19/2021
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
Pages: 224
File size: 3 MB

About the Author

Dr. Mike Bechtle (EdD, Arizona State University) is the author of several books, including People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys and How to Communicate with Confidence. His articles have appeared in publications such as Writer's Digest,, and Entrepreneur. A frequent speaker, Bechtle lives in California. Learn more at

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Quest for Freedom 11

Part 1 Building a Vision 17

1 How Did We Get This Way? 21

2 What Kind of People Pleaser Am I? 28

3 How to Spot a Counterfeit 39

Part 2 Fear Factors 47

4 I Need You to Like Me: Fear of Rejection 51

5 I Need You to Not Be Angry with Me: Fear of Conflict 59

6 I Need You to Notice Me: Fear of Invisibility 69

7 I Need You to Affirm Me: Fear of Inadequacy 76

8 I Need You to Need Me: Fear of Irrelevance 85

Part 3 Building Blocks for World-Glass People Pleasing 93

9 Building Block #1-Being Proactive: Take Personal Responsibility 97

10 Building Block #2-Staying Connected: Access the Value of Relationships 105

11 Building Block #3-Building Confidence: See Yourself Accurately 114

12 Building Block #4-Crafting Integrity: Live an Honest Life 123

13 Building Block #5-Strengthening Communication: Master the Tools of Connection 131

14 Building Block #6-Fostering Curiosity: Maintain a Thirst for Wonder 140

15 Building Block #7-Sharpening Focus: Pay Attention without Distraction 149

16 Building Block #8-Practicing Self-Care: Invest in Yourself 156

17 Building Block #9-Developing Gratefulness: Search for the Positive 164

18 Building Block #10-Keeping Perspective: Accept Reality 172

Part 4 How to Change 179

19 The Secret to Changing Everything 181

20 The Faith Chapter 188

21 A Long-Term Strategy for Success 195

The Final Word 201

Acknowledgments 203

Notes 205

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