The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it

by Henry Cloud


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780061777141
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 05/03/2016
Pages: 256
Sales rank: 119,016
Product dimensions: 6.20(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times bestselling author whose books have sold over 10 million copies. In 2014, Success magazine named Dr. Cloud one of the top 25 most influential leaders in personal growth and development. He graduated from Southern Methodist University with a BS in psychology and completed his PhD in clinical psychology at Biola University.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 The Neglected Truth 1

Chapter 2 The Science of Connection 11

Chapter 3 The Four Corners of Connection 27

Chapter 4 Go to Corner Four 51

Chapter 5 The Fuel for High Performance 69

Chapter 6 Freedom and Control 89

Chapter 7 Freedom Requires Responsibility 103

Chapter 8 Defanging the Beast 129

Chapter 9 The Right Kind of Push 145

Chapter 10 Bringing the Outside In 165

Chapter 11 The Bermuda Triangle of Relationships 185

Chapter 12 Trust 197

Conclusion: Nice Guys Don't Finish Last 213

Acknowledgments 219

Index 221

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The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it 4.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 18 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
As a leader, I understand that the people around you, your support system gets you promoted.
YoyoMitch More than 1 year ago
In the previous writings of Dr. Cloud found him to be well informed, clear, his information easily understood and relatable to a wide audience (from “regular Joes/Joses” to credentialed professionals), deeply researched and precise in his focus. When I saw this book newly available, I was enticed by the promise those earlier writings made. This book of insight into successful, mostly business, relationships continues to reveal that he continues to utilize some of those previous traits. However, between his earlier proffering’s and this volume he has lost some of the humility that made him so approachable in his earlier work(s). The author’s premise, one I have found to be well founded, is no one succeeds in a vacuum or as a “solo” act. Everyone is influenced, for good or ill, by the relationships which one develops and in which she/he functions. The give and take found in connecting with another helps to define the Self of the individuals involved as it deepens the connection of the relationship. Dr. Cloud has distilled relationship(s) into levels of “effectiveness” which can lead to a more successful life/business/friendship into four (4) categories. He describes those divisions as corners, as in “the people in your corner.” Corner #1: Disconnected – those relationships wherein the individuals are unable to make real emotional investment in others. They are either takers or givers, but unable to do both. Corner #2: Bad Connection – “a connection, preoccupation, or pull toward a person who has the effect of making (one) feel bad or ‘not good enough’ in some way. Inferior.” (p.40). Think of those folk who feel they can only look good when others look bad. Corner #3: The seductively false “Good Connection” – whereas a Corner #2 relationship leaves (one) feeling “bad,” the Corner #3 connection is the opposite – they make one feel good but at the expense of truth-telling and ignoring those things that need to be spoke to or changed. Corner #4: The Real Thing – a relationship in which one “can be (one’s) whole self, the real, authentic ‘You;’ a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind soul and passion.” (p. 52). In this relationship both individuals own their needs/strengths and seek to help each other achieve their best. The majority of the book is a discussion of Corner #4 – how they work best, how one assesses their “success” for and in them and how to manage them. Surprisingly, the author cites few research sources for his assertions or outcomes beyond his own experience. This is a shock given his training and history as a scientist (he has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology). The ego-centricity Dr. Cloud presents in this work was a large detractor for the possible benefits of the information held within the pages of this book. His frequent references to himself and his previous books seemed to be a lazy way of trying to sell more books and to not do the research he did (or did not do) to reach the conclusions presented here. It is a good book to help one envision relationship(s) from a new perspective, but the original content contained in it is scarce.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Dr. Henry Cloud nailed it with this book. Not only should everyone read this book but it should be studied as well. There is so much truly valuable information that you can actually apply to your life that you really need to read this a few times, take notes, and really study to learn it as if your life depended on it. Becuase the quality of your life and the “others” in your life really can depend on it. No wonder Dr. Cloud been wanting to write this for so long! This has already begun making an impact on me and the “others” in my life and I know it will for you too.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Dr. Henry Cloud nailed it with this book. Not only should everyone read this book but it should be studied as well. There is so much truly valuable information that you can actually apply to your life that you really need to read this a few times, take notes, and really study to learn it as if your life depended on it. Becuase the quality of your life and the “others” in your life really can depend on it. No wonder Dr. Cloud been wanting to write this for so long! This has already begun making an impact on me and the “others” in my life and I know it will for you too.
aliunc87 More than 1 year ago
I’m a big fan of Henry Cloud as I have experienced personal growth from applying things I’ve learned from several of his books. So I was excited to see what he had to say in "The Power of the Other". I think of Cloud’s books as basically describing what it looks like to be a healthy, functioning adult, and this book is no different. Except this time Cloud makes you consider the people around you – how healthy are they for you? Do you have the people around you to help you continue to grow and be successful? I appreciated this emphasis as it seems like a lot of books about helping you be successful just focus on you when the reality is that much of your success will depend on who you have around you. Cloud simplifies this concept with describing the four possibilities of connection as four corners that are as follows: 1. Disconnected or no connection 2. The Bad Connection 3. The Pseudo-Good Connection 4. True Connection. The rest of the book outlines what a “Corner Four” connection will look like, encouraging the reader to both find Corner Four people and be one themselves. The book is a quick, easy read, and I appreciate how Cloud intersperses stories to make the concepts more relatable. I think it would be most helpful for those in leadership who are surrounded by people (above, beside, and below them) to evaluate which corner those people fall into and also whether they have enough Corner Four people in their lives. While I think there are definitely places to apply it to our personal lives, I found it more applicable in a work context. If you have read other books by Henry Cloud, I think it’s a great addition to hone your leadership and personal growth.
blyempowered More than 1 year ago
Dr. Henry Cloud, one of the most respected authors of our time has done it again. He is the co-author of the book “Boundaries” that came out several years ago. Now he has written a book titled “The Power Of The Other.” The main focus on this book is how others can have an effect on our lives, whether positive or negative. One key point that he makes is that our success can be predicated on the “others” that we have in our lives. He talks about the 4 corners of relationships with corner 4 being the best one for our lives. Corner 4 relationships are filled with honesty, support, encouragement, the proper push, trust and the help needed to see our failures from the right perspective. The power of this book is that it challenges the notion of the self-made man/woman. It challenges the belief that we can make it in this world without others. Dr. Cloud makes the case that our success in life is directly proportional with the relationships we have. I see this book as a better version of “Safe People” that was written by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend several years ago. That book focuses on how important it is to have the right people in our lives. The book focuses on traits of safe and unsafe people. Yet what I love about “the power of the other” is how it extends the importance of relationship to all point of our lives. It’s not just about having friendships for the sake of having friendships, but about positioning ourselves to the best situation possible for every arena of our lives. I wonder at times what my life would look like if I had more corner 4 relationships present with me. This book has encouraged me to reach out to people who I can trust and build corner 4 relationships with them. I have a lot of pride and hate asking for help. This book has challenged me to not be so prideful but ask for the necessary help that I need. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone, especially those who’ve tried to navigate life on their own for too long. A lot of us are seeing the consequences of what takes place when we try to do life on our own. I’m telling y’all, I could see my entire life in this book and I believe you will as well. I want to also encourage you, if you have the resources, to invest this book into the lives of those who you know are trying to do life on their own unsuccessfully. There is power in others. Tap into it now! Disclaimer: I received an advanced copy of this book for honest review as a part of Dr. Cloud’s launch team.
wendylifecoach More than 1 year ago
THE MISSING LINK - The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud Insightful. Intuitive. Informational. Influential. Powerful. Want to change your life? Want to improve your relationships? Want successful, life-giving relationships rather than those that drain you? Surround yourself with more “Four Corner” relationships to put you on the path to success. THE PEOPLE YOU ARE IN CONTACT WITH MATTER MORE THAN YOU THINK! Our connections have a significant impact on us – emotionally, mentally, socially, and professionally. In this thought-provoking work, The Power of the Other delivers the level of quality work we’ve come to expect from well-known expert, Dr. Henry Cloud. Not only is the information extremely helpful in evaluating the relationships in our lives, the questions articulated in the manuscript are invaluable in aiding the reader in self-discovery, evaluating, internalizing, and implementing the principles presented. Although the ending summary lacked a little of the full impact I was hoping for (not quite as strong), the book provides excellent value and many “Aha” moments, offering information and insight you would normally pay thousands for in professional services. I’m confident that by applying what you learn in this book, you will improve your life. Don’t miss out on the piece of the puzzle that is crucial to your success – the power of the other. It may be your missing link to success in many areas of your life.
eReader1 More than 1 year ago
There is a lot of circling, underlining and highlighting in my copy of this book, scribbled notes in the margin as I reached multiple aha moments. In The Power of the Other by Dr. Henry Cloud, there are many insights that affirm notions that I have felt, but have not had the courage or confidence to act upon, and Dr. Cloud backs up many of his assertions with simplified neuro-science as well as anecdotal evidence that we can all relate to. Cloud focuses a lot on work and business relationships, but we can equally apply every concept to family relationships and friendships. He examines 4 corners of relationships, and helps you determine where yours fit, and how they impact your brain, mind and heart—emotionally and physically. You know how I know this book works? Because it was the “other” that had the “power” to lift my hope and spirit, to help me recognize which relationships are positive Corner 4 relationships and how I can be a Corner 4 friend, parent and boss. It has encouraged me to recognize the great things in many of my relationships, and to realize which ones are worthy of my time and energy, and which ones I might need to shield myself from, or confront with honest integrity. Some of his anecdotes from working within successful businesses have provided me with great ideas that I can incorporate in my own business with our core values, and within our team interactions, while his honest reflections of a past failing business teach us all about the great opportunities we could have if we would just shift how we view those failures. While we may know some of this intellectually, Dr. Cloud’s stories and psychology seal it with defined purpose and action, helping us to not just see how our behavior changes our lives, but how everyone’s behavior and words have tremendous power to lift other people far beyond what they can do alone.
OutToWinMom More than 1 year ago
This excellent book by Dr. Cloud encourages you to ask and evaluate yourself to find out which "corner" you currently live in…and ultimately challenges you to decide which corner you would most benefit from living in… • Corner 1…where you are pretty much isolated from others and feel you have to do things on your own • Corner 2…where you connect with (and believe) a person who has the power to consistently make you feel bad or "not good enough" about yourself • Corner 3…where you connect with a person who consistently makes you feel good about yourself…but is not always truthful with you • Corner 4…where you connect with a "safe" person with which you "can bring your heart, mind, soul and passion" and have a relationship in which "both parties in the relationship are wholly present, known, understood, and mutually invested" and each can feel safe in sharing "what each truly thinks, feels, believes fears, and needs." (From The Power of the Other) For personal and professional growth to occur, one needs a relationship with a Corner 4 person…someone who comes alongside you, encourages you, believes in you, is always truthful with you, helps you develop strategies for getting things done, sees your potential and helps you develop a strategy get to where you want to be going, and provides honest feedback. If you are looking to move from a Corner 1, 2, or 3 relationship and really do no not know how, this book is the perfect place to start your personal or professional transformation. Once I started reading the book, it was hard to put down. Dr. Cloud's writing style is easy to read and to the point, and the personal stories he shares of his work with companies kept it very interesting. I also appreciated his honesty in sharing about his own personal "failures" and how he was able to get beyond them by having a Corner 4 person in his life. While reading, I could start to pinpoint the Corner 4 people in my life who helped me get where I was at in my career and in my personal life. Everyone needs the relationship of such a person. I am a great fan of Henry Cloud and have read and thoroughly enjoyed and learned from many of his books (many co-authored with John Townsend)…Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, The Mom Factor, False Assumptions, Safe People, to name a few. If you are a fan of Henry Cloud, you will not be disappointed with his newest book, The Power of the Other. Never read any of his other books? You are in for a treat and an education combined! I highly recommend this book and wish it had been available when I was first starting my career.
janice8299 More than 1 year ago
I was hooked in the first few pages after reading a story about Navy SEALs. What are the limits of human performance? Every time someone reaches a new record in sports, we think it can't be beat...but eventually someone does. How does this happen? How do we keep pushing beyond what is seemingly the end of human endurance and do just a little more? What is the key to such events? This is one of the questions explored in Dr. Henry Cloud's latest book.
Laurie-S More than 1 year ago
Insightful Perspective on Relationships and Their Impact on Our Lives! I wish I could have read this book 20 years ago! Dr. Cloud’s insight on relationships and their power is life changing. I am a high achiever always striving to do my best to be successful by my own effort, but this book has opened my eyes to the “Power of Other People” on my life, both personally and professionally. “People give energy, and they take it away. Know the difference and plan accordingly.” We were created to connect with each other. There is a power in our connection with others… for good… and for bad. Dr. Henry Cloud explains the elements and dynamics of these connections in his new book “The Power of The Other.” Dr. Cloud explains about the 4 corners of relationships, and only one is where we thrive… Corner 4. Corner 4 relationships refuel us physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. They help us find purpose in life. Throughout the book, he goes in depth on the characteristics of a Corner 4 Connection, and how we get there: Connection that fuels, gives freedom, requires responsibility, defangs failure, challenges and pushes, builds structure, unites instead of divides, and is trustworthy. After reading this book, I am moving forward in my own growth and embracing my corner 4 relationships!
Katherina Sengbusch More than 1 year ago
Dr. Henry Cloud begins his new book 'The Power of the Other' with a powerful account that immediately drew me in. A man is training to become a Navy SEAL is on his last test--a grueling endurance swim in the ocean...and his strength fails him. He has nothing left and is just about to signal he is giving up...all his years of training, the sacrifice, his dream of being a SEAL has disappeared. Suddenly he sees his friend standing on the shore ahead. His friend has completed the swim and is officially a Navy SEAL. The man on the shore yells and pumps his fist to let the man in the water know "he could do it". The man in the water would later describe what happened saying that as their "eyes locked...something happened. Something beyond him. His body jumped into another gear, into another dimension of performance that he had not had access to before". He was able to finish and became a Navy SEAL. This is what Dr. Cloud call "the Power of the Other". This book resonates deep in me both in positive and negative ways. The negative is not for any of the content, but because through my family of origin I experienced the negative power of the capital "O" Other. As someone who also has given "the Other" much power in my life, I see how I was "either diminished or improved by the other people in my scenario". Dr. Cloud relates several of his own life experiences with failures and how the situations played out based on the people he was connected to. I have never highlighted a book the way I have this one--even a whole chapter! Dr. Cloud shares one of his favourite formulas " Freedom = Responsibility = Love " in a moving account of a heartfelt formal talk he had with his two daughters as they became teenagers. I will be sharing this with my adult daughter for down the road when my grandson reaches this age. Self-control and personal responsibility are discussed and his fatherly goal is that his daughters know his loving lessons and messages so well that they are internalized thus governing behaviour and choices when they are on their own without him. It is truly wisdom. It is clear that no personal growth or change can happen in a vacuum or isolation. Relationship, genuine authentic relationship is where we grow and transform. "True connection always means being emotionally and functionally invested in other people, in a give-and-receive dynamic. Disconnection lacks something, in one direction or the other--either in the giving or the receiving. Truly connected people do both. They are emotionally present and able to give and to receive". The Power of the Other is a book that would benefit any reader. The idea that another person has a real impact on us, on our behaviour is profound and revolutionary in its simplicity. Dr. Cloud's research and how he explains the neuroscience is helpful and clear. I am recommending this book to everyone I know. My adult children, friends, work colleagues and church friends. I have read and studied much of Dr. Cloud's other books and materials and they have transformed my life. Most influential was his book with Dr. John Townsend "Boundaries" -- I keep several copies to give away as my life has not been the same since I read it and saw the video series. I can already see that I will have extra copies of "The Power of the Other" on my shelf to gift to others as well. Advance copy for review courtesy of Edelweiss Book Distributors.
DDishman More than 1 year ago
"Other people do have power in your life, for good or bad. But what kind of power are others going to have over your life and performance?" Dr. Cloud, in his book The Power of the Other, helps unpack the power others have in our lives-for good and for bad. He helps the reader identify 4 "corners" of relationships and where he/she stands in his/her relationships and gives practical help on how to move our relationships into the healthy Corner 4, instead of being stuck in the other three. These principles will positively impact family, work, friends, and the myriad of relationships we navigate each day.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Leadership, Relationship and Connection to the Next Level: "The Power of the Other" "When you get the power of the other on your side, you can surpass what ever limit you are currently experiencing or will ever experience in the future." (Page 10) Dr. Cloud describes the "four (possible) corners" of our relationship space; gives us descriptions and tools to understand "where" we are in our relationships and then maps out, with research and clear examples, the concept of how to grow in relating so that we ultimately partake in growth as a powerful "other" in relationships and as one empowered to the next level in leadership and relationships, both business and personal. Cloud has, as a Leadership Expert and as a successful Psychologist authoring powerful relationship-healing books, brought his whole life's work and understanding to the book...demonstrating how the 'right' other in our lives makes all the difference...and how to achieve relating in ways to realize the potential of others with us in all our roles and relationships. Glad to have seen an advanced copy of this next significant work in the fields of both Leadership and Psychology from Cloud!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The Power of the Other is one of the most powerful and influential books I have ever read. I highly recommend it .I'm investigating and realising the effect people have on me and making changes accordingly.
Adrian_Pei More than 1 year ago
When deciding whether to read a book, I always ask "What is unique or special about this book, and about the author?" Here are my 3 things: 1. Brilliant: The central idea of this book is that leadership isn't just about individual performance, but about knowing how to cultivate the right kind of relationships with the people in our lives! The book discusses the positive and negative impact people can have on us, and that we can have on others. It's a fresh perspective and each chapter contains so many nuggets of wisdom, but it never feels overwhelming. 2. Relatable: The book is written in a very down-to-earth tone, and includes a wide range of stories from business to sports to parenthood. Even after a quick read, I still remember the stories about Jack Nicklaus, Pixar, The Voice, and the heart surgeon who struggled with infidelity. The author also shares many of his own mistakes and lessons, including sharing about his own father and his daughters. 3. Practical: The book doesn't just list concepts, but includes practical ideas for leadership. For instance, how to give your work team new experiences to infuse new energy into their jobs (Chapter 5), how to cultivate a safe environment for creative feedback (Chapter 7), and how to avoid divisive environments and gossip (Chapter 11). However, the author does introduce some helpful new concepts like the "Four Corners of Connection" (Chapters 3 and 4) to help you diagnose the good and bad relational connections in your life, and the "growth structure quotient" (Chapter 10) to help you guide people with micromanaging them. What I like about Dr. Cloud's books is that he brings together data and research from neuroscience, interpersonal (EQ) skills, and leadership wisdom. He respects both science and spirituality, and is able to explain complex topics in a way that people can relate to. And it's all based in his immense experience with the tons of clients he's worked with: if there's something messy you're going through, chances are he's seen and worked through something similar. I found the book constantly reminding me of situations in my own workplace and family as I was reading, which kept me interested and engaged. I found the book sobering and challenging, but also hopeful and empowering. It made me want to talk about the topics with the people in my life! There were some powerful insights I wish could have been explored even more, like how addictions can be similar to relationships. But I guess sometimes the best books leave you wanting more. My suggestion is to read a chapter each day, or each week, so it can sink in. I highlighted parts that I found most helpful, and wrote down occasional notes. It would actually be a great book to use for a discussion group, or just giving to a friend or coworker and seeing what they think. But don't skip the last few chapters... some of the best material is at the end! It's a unique and worthwhile read. If you dive in and apply, you might find yourself a different leader and person in the years to come.
Terry_Bortz More than 1 year ago
If you have read Henry Cloud’s other books (he has written and co-authored over 20 books), you might be asking – Is this a re-hash of what he has already written? Having just read his new book “The Power of the Other”, I would say – yes and no. Some of the basic truths about growth are there – the need for healthy relationships in our lives if we have any hope of growing personally, spiritually and professionally. But I have not heard it put in such a way that forced me to think about my relationships in “four corners”. How many of my relationships are in Corner One: disconnection, no connection. This is where I try to do it all on my own, which I did for years as a perfectionist who thought – if I want something done right, I need to do it myself. How many are in Corner Two: the bad connection. These are unhealthy relationships that hurt more than help – they make you feel bad or not good enough. Then there is Corner Three: The Pseudo-good connection – an attempt to soothe the soul through food, sex, drugs or flattery. Convicting huh? Then there is Corner Four: the true connection – “one in which you can be your whole self, the real, authentic you, a relationship to which you can bring your heart, mind, soul and passion” (page 52). But where can I find these connections that will help me be the best I can possibly be? How can I learn to be authentic and vulnerable with safe people who will push me to be the best but not to the point where I am totally discouraged? Where can I find accountability? When my struggles are no longer a secret and I give others permission to check in with me – I realize I can’t do it alone. Who would you like to work or live with? People who hide their feelings and struggles or those who can humble themselves to be honest and ask for help? “People who need and embrace their need and connect from an authentic, vulnerable place. They grow. They learn. They thrive. I love getting to work with this kind of person” (page 68). Neuroscience shows that we can re-wire our brains – literally. Good news! You can change! This book will help you with concrete ideas and great stories that prove this works.
Kelly Hammerle More than 1 year ago
The Power of the Other helps take the guess work out of why some relationships feed success and others don't or, even worse, sabotage success personally and professionally. I appreciate that Dr. Cloud bookends helpful information around real-life examples and stories. Not only does this book explain what qualities to look for in the people you surround yourself with, but it also challenges what type of person you are to others - what type of "corner" friend or co-worker are you. The practical application of well researched information is typical of Dr. Cloud's books and this one is no exception. This is a must read for anyone who desires to develop the type of relationships which breed success and fulfillment in life and work.