The Power of Validation: Arming Your Child Against Bullying, Peer Pressure, Addiction, Self-Harm, and Out-of-Control Emotions

by Karyn D. Hall PhD, Melissa Cook LPC, Shari Y. Manning PhD (Foreword by)

Overview

Validation—recognizing and accepting your child’s thoughts and feelings, regardless of whether or not you feel that your child should be experiencing them—helps children develop a lifelong sense of self-worth. Children who are validated feel reassured that they will be accepted and loved regardless of their feelings, while children who are not validated are more vulnerable to peer pressure, bullying, and emotional and behavioral problems.

The Power of Validation is an essential resource for parents seeking practical skills for validating their child’s feelings without condoning tantrums, selfishness, or out-of-control behavior. You’ll practice communicating with your child in ways that instantly impact his or her mood and help your child develop the essential self-validating skills that set the groundwork for confidence and self-esteem in adolescence and beyond.



“...There is valuable advice here. This approach takes mindfulness, patience, and a long-term vision, but parents who are able to help their children trust their emotional landscapes will have an easier time of scaffolding to higher reasoning, in addition to more secure relationships with their youngsters. Highly recommended.”

—Library Journal, STARRED REVIEW, Rebecca Raszewski, University of Illinois Library, Chicago

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781608820337
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	12/01/2011
Pages:	168
Sales rank:	317,127
Product dimensions:	6.08(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.41(d)

About the Author

Karyn D. Hall, PhD, is director and owner of the Dialectical Behavior Therapy Center in Houston, TX, and is an advisor, consultant, and trainer with Treatment Implementation Collaborative, LLC. Trained as a child psychologist, she specializes in the prevention and treatment of emotional disorders. Hall works with a dialectical behavior therapy team in Houston, TX, which generously enriches her professional endeavors and offers wisdom on a daily basis.

Melissa H. Cook, LPC, has been intensively trained in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and validation, and owns a private practice in Houston, TX. She is a renowned speaker on these topics and utilizes the principles of DBT and validation both as a therapist and a mother of three. Cook struggled with and recovered from anorexia and has since dedicated her life to helping others. She lives in Houston, TX, with her children, Stuart, David, and Caroline, and her husband, Douglas, to whom she has been married for over seventeen years.

Foreword writer Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a founder and chief executive officer of Treatment Implementation Collaborative, LLC. She is author of Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction 1

1 Understanding Validation 7

2 The Importance of Validation 29

3 Applying Validating Parenting 51

4 Why Parents Invalidate 67

5 Ways Parents Invalidate 87

6 Validating Parenting in Depth 99

7 How to Apply the Levels of Validation to Validating Parenting 113

8 Dealing with Roadblocks to Your Success 129

References 153

Editorial Reviews

The Power of Validation is an immensely valuable book about helping our children feel worthy and valued. It is written with a compassionate conviction, backed by empirical evidence, and illustrated with vivid anecdotes. The wisdom of these words touches us not only as parents, but as humans longing to be validated for who we are. What greater gift could we possibly give our children than to lovingly recognize, accept, and validate their lives?”

—Brent LoCaste-Wilken, LCSW, CEAP, adjunct professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work

“Validation is the number-one skill in improving relationships with children of all ages, partners, family members, and even colleagues in the workplace. The Power of Validation by Karyn D. Hall and Melissa H. Cook details how and why each of us should master this powerful skill. This is a must-read book for parents and teachers of young children, and most definitely a refreshing and creative reading experience for all who value rewarding relationships!”

—Jim and Diane Hall, family educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

“The Power of Validation is a veritable roadmap for parents. The destination charted on this roadmap is the creation of a child who has healthy self-esteem and can face the slings and arrows of daily life with confidence and resilience. Parents and those who are anticipating the challenges of parenthood will richly benefit from spending some time with this superb new book.”

—Glen O. Gabbard, MD, The Gabbard Center in Houston, TX

“Never before has a book about parenting tackled the seemingly simple topic of validation. In this groundbreaking guide, the authors reveal the amazing power of validation in the development of a strong and healthy child. As we learn how validation galvanizes identity and bolsters self-esteem, we also learn about the wreckage of invalidating environments—a delicate subject compassionately addressed by the authors at every turn. In short, a must-read for every parent, a treasure for anyone wanting to boost their emotional intelligence, and a string of pearls for mental health clinicians of every stripe.”

—Kimberly A. Arlinghaus, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX

“The Power of Validation is a welcome addition to the field. It takes the construct of validation to a practical level, providing exercises that help readers go beyond the written word. The audience for the book should include parents as well as mental health professionals, given its important focus and user-friendly approach.”

—Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, president of the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder

“In The Power of Validation, Karyn D. Hall and Melissa H. Cook provide a roadmap for building the right emotional foundation for your child’s life success. Recognizing and accepting your child’s feelings is an easy addition to your parenting skill set as well as an elegantly simple and powerful antidote to the pressure of figuring out how to raise competent, successful children.”

—Kay M. Albrecht, PhD, early childhood teacher educator at Innovations in Early Childhood Education, Inc., in Houston, TX

“As a pediatrician and mother, I have read hundreds of parenting books, but this one boils it all down into one easy concept. I have found this book to be an invaluable parenting tool in my own home as well as in my practice. If you’ve grappled with issues such as bullying and peer pressure, this book provides a tried and true solution that will bring harmony to your relationship with your children and give you a sense of competence in your role as a parent. The authors’ down-to-earth writing style makes the hugely powerful concept of validation relevant and effective for all parents. It is truly a fresh perspective on parenting.”

—Pamela R. Carmain, MD, FAAP, clinical associate professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, TX

“Validation makes us feel like we matter. It makes us feel like our feelings are not wrong. With validation, we have a stronger and closer bond with our parents.”

—Stuart, age 15, David, age 13, and Caroline, age 11

From the Publisher