“I can't speak highly enough about the way this book addresses manhood in our culture. Biblically challenging and radically applicable, it honestly addresses the deepest longings and fears a man faces.” --Matt Chandler
Prepare for a paradigm-shifting view of biblical manhood.
Every man wants to succeed. But for so many, life seems to get in the way. We all have friends—good men, followers of Christ even—who start out well but before long, they’re failing at relationships, bending ethical standards, or driving themselves so hard at work they’re losing the hearts of their wife and kids.
In The Real Win, Colt McCoy and Matt Carter wrestle deeply and personally with this challenge, then deliver down-to-earth, biblical answers. Based on their personal experiences and a close study of Scripture, McCoy and Carter show men:
• Why so much depends on who you trust and who you serve
• Why every man is called to lead and why every man can
• How to man up to temptation—and conquer it
• How to fi nd the “win” even in your biggest failure
“The real win means trusting the Lord and walking with Jesus no matter what,” write Matt and Colt. “That kind of faithfulness is possible for any man who follows God with all his heart. No matter what circumstances threaten him, a faithful man is the most truly confi dent man in the room.”
Complete with practical study guide for personal or small group use.
|Publisher:||The Crown Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||6.60(w) x 9.30(h) x 1.20(d)|
About the Author
MATT CARTER is founding pastor of the eightthousand-member Austin Stone Community Church. He champions the For the City Network, which helps churches partner with social service agencies to meet local needs. Matt is the author of several books and he speaks at conferences nationwide. He holds a master of divinity from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is pursuing a doctorate of ministry from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Jennifer, have three children.
MARCUS BROTHERTON is the author or co-author of more than twenty-fi ve books, including the New York Times bestseller We Who Are Alive and Remain, about surviving members of the Band of Brothers. He lives with his family in Washington state.
Read an Excerpt
The Real WinA Man's Quest for Authentic Success
By Colt McCoy
Multnomah BooksCopyright © 2013 Colt McCoy
All right reserved.
It’s Time to Redefine Winning
Guys, quick! Can you name who won last year’s…
• Super Bowl?
• World Series?
• NBA Finals?
• Daytona 500?
• PGA Tour Championship?
How did you do?
If you’re like a lot of guys, you’re probably surprised by how few of the winners you can recall, especially considering what a big deal those championships felt like to a lot of people at the time.
Inside each man is a desire to set goals and achieve them, to get ahead and finish strong. And God Himself put a desire within us to drive hard and live with excellence. But things can go terribly wrong as we pursue our goals, can’t
So many men start out to achieve what they think is the real win, but at the end of their lives they feel a sense of defeat, even though they achieved everything they set out to win. They think they’re achieving what matters most in
the long run, but it doesn’t pan out the way they had hoped. Or they find that their goals disappoint them, or their accomplishments are quickly forgotten, or they achieve their goals but destroy their marriages and families in the process, or they never fulfill their destinies and end up frustrated, angry, hurt, and cynical. What then?
Lately, the two of us have been doing a lot of thinking about what constitutes authentic success for a man.
Raised to Be a Winner
Since boyhood, I (Colt) have been trained to win. I have wanted to win and have been expected to win. I even grew up thinking that if I did everything right, God would make sure I won.
A few years back, when I graduated from college, I ended up being the winningest quarterback in college football history. (That record’s been broken now, but it felt good to achieve that goal at the time.) Yet even with all those
successes, I still came up short with my goals and didn’t achieve a couple of big wins I really wanted. And that hurt. I’ve gone on to play in the NFL, where I’ve had some successes as well as some challenges. My professional story is still being lived out even as we’re writing this book.1
I get that most men don’t play professional sports for a living. And some men reading this book aren’t even football fans. But I’m pretty sure you can relate to my story, because no matter what you do for a living or how you
like to spend your free time, all of us can relate to this: we hate to lose. All of us want to be a success, in one way or
another. That’s why we want to talk about what real winning—winning according to God’s definition of success—means, and how you can build a life as a man who makes winning a sure thing.
I’m still learning a lot as I go along, and that’s one of the reasons I’m writing this book along with my friend and
pastor, Matt Carter.
Winning or Losing?
Some people think of pastors as guys who don’t have a competitive drive, who don’t have a desire to succeed like everybody else. But I (Matt) am wired like every other man reading this book. I know what it’s like to want to win. The
church I planted started with a core group of fifteen people and now has more than eight thousand active attenders. Only God can bring dead souls to life, and He gets every bit of the glory for what’s gone right at my church. But still,
on my end there was a lot of work to do, and I know what it’s like to drive hard. When it came to planting Austin Stone Community Church, humanly speaking, I did succeed.2
But I’ve also learned a thing or two about losing in the process. For one thing, I’ve faced death (more about that later). For another, I’ve faced a crisis in my marriage—a crisis that showed me how close I had come to losing everything when I actually thought I was winning. Through these events and many more, I’ve realized that if you’re going to win in the short time you have here on earth, you have to redefine success. You have to make sure you’re winning, not according to human standards, but according to God’s.
Today Colt and I want to deliver a cautionary tale for men: If the pursuit of God and trusting Him fully isn’t at the core of your life, then it’s going to be impossible for you to really win. In fact, in every way that really matters, you’ll lose. That’s what we want to talk about in this book. What does true success for a man, particularly a follower of Christ, look like?
It’s been great to work on this book with my good friend Colt. Even though I’m an Aggie and he’s a Longhorn, and the two don’t normally get along (that’s an understatement!), we’ve developed a great respect for each other over the
years. Colt’s got a lot of insights in this area. He’s a man of wisdom well beyond his years.
Sometimes in this book Colt will be talking to you directly, and sometimes I will be, but every part of the message between these book covers is something that we both fully own and that we can’t wait to share with you.
This Is for You
If you’re concerned about winning at what really counts before your life on this earth is done, then this book is for you. Maybe you’ve had some successes, maybe many successes (though probably not as many as you would have liked),
but you still have a nagging sense that what you’re working so hard for may not be the right goal after all, at least not entirely. All of us know the awkward feeling when we start to wonder if we’ve got our ladder up against the wrong wall.
As a Christ follower, you want whatever God wants for you, because deep inside you sense that that’s where the real win for you must lie. We respect your desire. And we believe God does too. But what you do with that desire is what
Your quest for authentic success starts here.
Now, if you’re a woman and you’re checking out this book to see what it’s got to say, no need to feel guilty about peeking! There are no secrets here, only revelations from the Word of God and the lives of men. Maybe you have a son, a husband, or some other important male in your life, and you want to know how to better encourage him in his
pursuit of godly manhood. That’s great—this book will open your eyes as well as his. Share with him the insights
you read here, or propose that the two of you read the book together and discuss it.
And that brings us to another opportunity.
You see, we need to acknowledge that men have a tendency to remain in their own isolated silos, trying to work on their problems all alone. So, male reader, while you can read this book alone and try to apply it to your life individually, we encourage you to read it and talk it through with others, especially a group of men you can trust. Use the study guide at the back of the book with a male friend, with your mentor, in a men’s small group, on a men’s retreat, or in any other setting where you can be honest with some other guys. Iron sharpens iron, and if we’ve been getting spiritually dull, we can help each other get our edge back.
Our promise to you is this: the teachings in this book are based on biblical principles, and if you learn and pursue God’s way of doing things, your definition of success will change in the key areas of your life for all the seasons of your life. We want to help you win the way God intended, because it’s the only way that lasts.
If that sounds promising to you, then turn the page.
Excerpted from The Real Win by Colt McCoy Copyright © 2013 by Colt McCoy. Excerpted by permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Preface: It's Time to Redefine Winning 1
1 Transformed by Trust 7
2 Achievement vs. Faithfulness 25
3 Willing to Lead 41
4 Love Her First 55
5 Rev. You 71
6 What You Care About Most 85
7 Choose Your Boss 99
8 The Voice of Temptation 117
9 The Welcoming Arms of God 133
10 Hard School 147
11 What You Leave Behind 163
Conclusion: The Winner 179
Study Guide 183
1. Tell us a little about your relationship as quarterback and pastor/mentor. What made you decide to write a book together?
Colt and I met through our shared love of hunting. It's something we've always enjoyed doing together, and it's allowed us to have some pretty honest conversations about struggles, areas we've failed, and where we are weak. There was one trip in particular when we were discussing some areas of our marriage that we wanted to strengthen, and we realized that the issues we faced were all-to-typical for men. So it was out of these hunting trips that we were able to be honest about our lives, and come together on how the Bible speaks to these areas of sin and failure. It was actually Colt's idea to put all of these truths we've learned into a book that would help other men avoid some of the typical pitfalls they fall into because of their God-given desire for success and winning.
2. Why do so many guys invest their entire lives striving for the wrong kind of success? And what is the fall-out when that happens?
As we discuss in the book, success and winning is not inherently wrong, and the desire for those is God-given. But so many men chase after "the win" - whatever it is - instead of God because they think that having the win is going to bring them ultimate joy and fulfillment. Biblically this is called idolatry, and it happens because we have an innate sin problem that causes us to have a worship problem. The fall-out from this is any number of marital, familial, vocational, social, or spiritual ills. It's wives that feel ignored by their husbands who are obsessed with work. It's children that are raised as spiritual orphans because their dad never thought to leave them a spiritual legacy. It's only when our focus and goal is set on worshipping Jesus and believing the gospel that we'll begin to see real success in these areas.
3. Can you describe a time where God showed you that what you thought was winning was actually losing?
One of the major regrets of my life so far is that I almost completely missed the first years of my daughter Annie's life because of my relentless pursuit of growing a successful church. When she was born, things in our young church plant were really ramping up, and my time was more and more being consumed by my pastoral duties. I made a decision in that season to worship the recognition and approval I would get in having a great church, and as a result I sacrificed precious time with my baby girl and lost years with her that I'll never get back. My pursuit of winning in my career actually meant losing the joy and success I could have had had I stuck with my primary calling from God to pastor my family.
4. For our women readers, how can she encourage the men in her life, whether it's a husband, father, or son, to pursue godly manhood?
Women have a huge role to play in the lives of the men they love, and they need to realize the weight that their voice carries in men's lives when it comes to success and failure. Women can begin by seeing their men as leaders and treating them as such regardless of a man's leadership track record. A lot of men I know have an "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" mentality. Plain and simple, men will continue on autopilot unless they are faced head on with a problem to solve, a hill to climb, or a challenge to win. Women have the unique ability to present these challenges in marriage, family, or career to their men with a heart that believes in them and is there to cheer them on as they work toward success in what God has called them to. If men are presented with these challenges but instead are made to feel like a failure by the women they love, they will shrink back from their callings in discouragement and despondency.
5. What does the real win mean for husbands? How do they successfully love their wives?
The ultimate picture of the real win for men is Jesus Christ, whether it is with work, church, family, or marriage. Because we have Jesus to look to in all these areas, we see that Jesus perfectly demonstrated how we are to love our wives. Jesus pursued His bride, the Church, even when she was ugly with sin. He pursued her to the point of laying his life down for her to make her holy and blameless and to demonstrate His love for her. This is the picture of success for husbands in loving their wives. To win in marriage means to pursue and lay down your life for your bride, and in effect, win her heart over and over again with the love with which Jesus has loved us.
6. You write, "If you desire the real win, that means grabbing a shovel and going to work on your heart." You then list the four main idols men struggle with. What are these, and how can God heal these empty pursuits?
The four main idols we struggle with are comfort, control, power, and approval, and the Bible talks about this as being the root of all of our problems be them workaholism, porn addiction, or marital strife. We desire the temporal comfort, control, power, or approval that the things and pursuits of this world entice us with more than we desire God, and they always lead us to emptiness and dissatisfaction. They promise a whole lot, but never deliver. Thankfully, God has promised our healing by sending us Jesus to pay the penalty for our idolatry and to give us a new heart with new desires if we repent of our sin and place our trust in Him for satisfaction. The more we turn our worship and focus over to God in every area of our life, the more we will see the areas that are broken become restored and whole.
7. What advice do you offer men about leaving a legacy? Why is being faithful to your calling so important?
One of the greatest fears that every man should have is that he would come to the end of his life and see that he wasted it. That fear haunts me, I think, in a healthy way. The question is, how do we as men avoid that when there are so many things vying for our time and attention in this life that seem pressing? It all starts with being connected to God. Knowing and worshipping God is our primary calling, and faithfulness in that will without a doubt keep us faithful in the other things we need to be faithful in. When we worship God with our lives, we no longer live for ourselves. For men, leaving a legacy is unavoidable. This is why it is so important to remain faithful to what God has called you to, because so many people are counting on it, and the effects will be felt for generations.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
“The real win means trusting the Lord, walking with Jesus, and living your life in the way He defined it.” Truly, the definition of an inspiring yet challenging book that deals with the importance of burgeoning in Christ- must begin with a passion. Therefore, reading this book, “The Real Win,” is a must for anyone seeking simple remedies to help cure addiction, idolatry, temptation, and man’s drive for meaningless success. Through multiple anecdotes, Colt McCoy and Matt Carter illustrate, with meaningful necessity, the doors God has opened to them. Colt’s struggle to define himself as more than just a specimen of professional quarterbacks, and Matt’s drive to a purposeful church would have clouded both their ways had Gods divine providence not interceded. In the only way a Professional Football Player and Mega Preacher can, this book was written with simplistic understanding. The contents are crafted, and purely designed, to attract men to Godly nature; introducing the readers to a plethora of scripture focused primarily on ways to advance discipleship and discipline. If you find reading mundane overcome your weakness with audacity and enjoy the meaning God has fashioned the hearts of two men (Colt McCoy and Matt Carter) with. This book is by no means and exegetical work of biblical interpretation, however, this book is a work of biblical meaning within the lives of two men. Colt McCoy and Matt Carter demonstrate the goodness of Gods Omni-Benevolence in their lives, and how Gods Omnipotence is already working within your life. I would recommend this book to anyone seeking spiritual development within Family, Marriage, discernment, and vocational life. Since we are all of imperfection, this book is a must read for all men. Why? Well since we are all of imperfection there is continual reminders needed to further our formation for Heaven. This book is that reminder.
Reviewed by Faith Farrell for Readers' Favorite I have to use the cliched phrase: this is not a book to set aside lightly. The Real Win by Matt Carter and Colt McCoy is direct and grace-filled at the same time, conversational and yet deep, filled with examples that may make you laugh. The examples always make you think, and point you straight to solid theology. The two co-authors' own life stories reassure young men that these principles can be lived out daily, and that such a life is the best life, the one where, like the title says, you really win. Why Ladies Should Read This: first let me say that I read this book and I was blessed by it. I would certainly give this one to my young male cousins and I would recommend it to their sisters. The truth in this book applies to both men and women, and this study of the way a Godly man will live before his Lord should be essential reading for young women who will one day be courting and marrying. Why Men Should Read This Book: because it strikes at the heart of the fact that men are designed to live with purpose, to fight to succeed, to win. Men are true men when they seek and serve God, when they win His way, and when they succeed according to His definition of success. As The Real Win reminds us, any other win is really idolatry. Colt McCoy and Matt Carter continually remind us that we don't life live God's way ever by our own willpower alone, but through the strength of Christ in us. Just a few examples of the wealth of wisdom in this book: loving and cherishing your wife; sanctification; knocking down idols. There is an essential chapter about men working at their employment in a way that pleases the Lord, doing all things before His eyes and seeing the inherent dignity in working at something, whatever honest, gainful work it is. There is advice on what single men need to look for in a wife. These are a tiny bit of what this book covers, and it covers a lot in a healthy 224 pages.
THE WINNING SIDE This was such a great book (The Real Win) that I did not want to put it down. The authors’ personal experience and spiritual connection brought this work into the forefront of what it takes to win in Christ. The book is inspiring, very touching and highlighted numerous factors that can either hinder or reward your life. I ask my husband to read the book as well and he enjoyed the book as well. The authors’ shared personal stories to get readers to understand that without a life of Christ, it is impossible to live a life of success and be happy. Living in Christ brings balance and peace, oftentimes we try to take the credit for our life successes, but that is far from the truth. Remember the old cliché: a happy wife leads to a happy home, well if you want happiness in your home, at work, and throughout your lifetime, you must be obedient to God’s word. The Bible states, "every good and perfect gift comes from above" (James 1:17), this can be applied to your life in every area. If there is a love worth working hard for and worth saving, than why not do it. What drives your passion? What drives you to be successful? Is it money, family, or self-elevation? Whose side are you on? Whom are you trying to impress? Trusting in Christ takes more than mere words, but your actions are louder than words. How you treat others is a factor that is look upon as well as your relationship with Christ. The Bible says “Happy is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding” (Proverbs 3:13). I would recommend that marriage ministries share this book as a tool for counseling and rebuilding the broken relationships. I recommend this book to small groups, blended families, husband-wife, and husbands-to-be. “I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.
THE REAL WIN: A MAN'S QUEST FOR AUTHENTIC SUCCESS by Colt McCoy and Matt Carter is a non-fiction/Christian living. What do you get when you combine quarterback legend, Colt McCoy and mega-church pastor,Matt Carter? A mega book written from personal experiences,their struggles,their triumphs, using principles from scriptures. This book is written for men,but being a woman,a non-sports fan and a reviewer I found this a very well written book. Rather you are male,female,well-known or not so well-known we all need faith and trust. It has a great bible study guide at the back to use with a small study group. A great addition to any library,rather it be personal or church library. Great for young men to start quest for authentic success. Received for an honest review from the publisher. RATING: 4 HEAT RATING: NONE(NON-FICTION/CHRISTIAN LIVING) REVIEWED BY: AprilR, Review courtesy of My Book Addiction and More
This book is amazing! For anyone who wants to see an authentic perspective on authentic manhood, read this book. Carter and McCoy have taken a fresh, sincere and biblical look at manhood. With our culture continuing to define men by empty accomplishments, this book points to the means for lasting impact a man can have on his family and the world. I read this book in one sitting. It is an incredible read for any man or any woman raising a future man!