The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime

The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime



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The Remarriage Checkup: Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime by Ron L. Deal, David H. Olson

Discover the secrets to a happy remarriage based on an unprecedented national survey of over 50,000 couples. Take the online survey and get a report with personalized results to see how your relationship compares. Leading remarriage authority Ron L. Deal and marriage and family expert David H. Olson will show you how to build on your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Whether you're dating, engaged, or already married, The Remarriage Checkup is an essential tool in creating a marriage that will last.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780764207587
Publisher: Bethany House Publishers
Publication date: 01/01/2010
Pages: 255
Product dimensions: 6.10(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Ron L. Deal, MMFT, is the founder of Successful Stepfamilies. He is author of The Smart Stepfamily and coauthor of The Smart Stepmom. Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor who frequently appears in the national media. Ron and his wife, Nan, and their sons live in Amarillo, Texas.

David H. Olson, PhD, is founder and CEO of Life Innovations. The author of more than twenty books, David frequently has appeared in the national media. He lives in suburban St. Paul, Minnesota.

Read an Excerpt

The Remarriage Checkup

Tools to Help Your Marriage Last a Lifetime
By Ron L. Deal David H. Olson

Bethany House Publishers

Copyright © 2009 Ron L. Deal and David H. Olson
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-7642-0758-7


Discover Your Couple Positioning System (CPS)

New technology in the last decade has made GPS or Global Positioning Systems accessible to nearly everyone around the world. A businessperson traveling in an unfamiliar city can use a GPS device in her rental car to find her destination. Explorers can use GPS guidance to determine where they are on the earth's surface and where they must go to find their hidden treasure.

What if you had a CPS-a Couple Positioning System-that helped you determine the strengths of your relationship (i.e., your "current location") and helped you know where to look for hidden treasures? Congratulations, you've just picked it up.

This book provides a map for couples on the unique journey of remarriage. It reveals findings from the National Survey of Couples Creating Stepfamilies, the largest study of remarrying couples with children from previous relationships ever conducted. We examined the profiles of over 50,000 couples (over 100,000 people) to discover the qualities that best predict highly satisfying relationships and the roadblocks couples must overcome in order to beat the odds of divorce. Some of our findingswill validate what you already know about successful relationships; others will surprise you. Reading this book will guide you into a more intimate remarriage relationship.

Even though our study was of premarital couples about to form stepfamilies, the results have broad application to all remarried and stepfamily couples. Even before marriage the difference between high-quality relationships and low-quality ones is evident and predicts later marital success. Our national survey of couples was based on their responses to PREPARE-MC (Marriage with Children), a premarital relationship strengths inventory. Previous studies (with a related assessment called PREPARE) have found that the strengths and issues couples have before marriage are highly predictive of their relationship after the wedding. In fact, in three longitudinal studies where we followed couples for an extended period of time we found that their PREPARE scores before marriage predicted with 80 to 85 percent accuracy which couples would be happily married and which couples would be separated/divorced after three years. These studies demonstrate that what happens before marriage is highly predictive of success after becoming married. This research also validates our clinical experience, which tells us that many of the dynamics that eventually divide remarried couples-even after many years of marriage-began early in their relationship. Therefore, whether you are currently dating or looking to improve your marriage, the findings in this book are for you.

Further, when combined with a personalized assessment of the condition of your relationship (received after taking the online Couple Checkup), the secrets revealed in this book become even more illuminating. You will know when to feel confident in your relationship and what must improve to avoid disaster.

What exactly is a Couple Checkup?

The Couple Checkup is an online assessment of twenty relationship areas that have been found to be significant for dating, engaged, and married couples. Based on the popular and highly successful PREPARE/ENRICH Program, the Couple Checkup is being used throughout the world. The Couple Checkup is founded on over twenty-five years of research on couples using the PREPARE/ENRICH Program (used by over 2.5 million couples). Numerous studies have demonstrated the scientific rigor of the program for premarital and married couples and for couples from various ethnic backgrounds.

Benefits of the Online Couple Checkup:

The seven letters in the word checkup can help you remember the advantages of taking the Checkup with your partner.

C - Create positive change: You can create positive changes in your relationship by establishing new habits that promote a more satisfying relationship. The Couple Checkup will help bring new ideas to your relationship.

H - Healthy for your relationship: Checkups promote and maintain health. Just like a physical or dental checkup provides information that can motivate behavior change, the Couple Checkup promotes healthier decisions and behavior in your relationship.

E - Evaluate where you are now: Identify your current relationship strengths and problems, and then make a plan for growing your relationship.

C - Communicate more effectively: The Checkup gives you the opportunity and structure for having productive discussions.

K - Kick-start your relationship: Completing the Checkup primes you to think and talk with your partner in helpful ways.

U - Understand each other: You will better know and understand your partner after taking the online Couple Checkup. You may be surprised to learn how your partner feels about many aspects of your relationship.

P - Proactive versus reactive: Too often couples wait for a crisis before they deal with a problematic situation. By being proactive, you will be better able to take control of your relationship and make it more satisfying for both of you.

Is the Couple Checkup Relevant to Us?

The Couple Checkup is designed to be relevant for couples who are dating, engaged, and married. As you take the online Couple Checkup, it tailors itself specifically to your couple stage, your age, and the parenting circumstances of your relationship (biological children and/or stepchildren). Based on your answers, the computer system will select relevant questions and scales for your relationship. Whether dating, engaged, or already married, your inventory is tailor-made to your specific type of relationship.

You do not have to take the online Couple Checkup to read and apply this book. But to discover the hidden treasures in your relationship, we highly recommend that you do. Look inside the dust cover of this book for your online voucher code and get one free personal profile. This code also provides significant savings off the retail price when your dating or married partner takes the Checkup as well. Both of you must take the profile to receive the comprehensive Couple Report identifying your strengths and growth areas.


Excerpted from The Remarriage Checkup by Ron L. Deal David H. Olson Copyright © 2009 by Ron L. Deal and David H. Olson. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Foreward 11

Preface Discover Your Couple Positioning System(CPS) 13

Chapter 1 Checkup and Check-in 17

Chapter 2 Building on Your Strengths 25

Chapter 3 Beating the Odds of Divorce: The Stepfamily Connection 39

Chapter 4 Positioning Yourself for Change 47

Chapter 5 Mapping Closeness and Flexibility 63

Chapter 6 Eyes Wide Open: Finding Realistic Expectations 87

Chapter 7 Children and Parenting: When Kids Are Part of the Package 101

Chapter 8 SCOPE Out Your Personalities Peter J. Larson, PhD 119

Chapter 9 The Vital Importance of Healthy Communication 139

Chapter 10 Managing the Fires of Conflict 157

Chapter 11 Extinguishing the Fires of Conflict 169

Chapter 12 Leisure: Maximize Your Fun Factor 185

Chapter 13 Remarriage Finances: Yours, Mine, and Ours? 191

Chapter 14 The Sex Connection 207

Chapter 15 Finding Your Spiritual Core 223

Chapter 16 Can We Get There From Here? 233

Appendix A National Sample of Couples and Remarriage 239

Appendix B If You Have Ongoing Relationship Problems: Finding Help When You Need It 243

Notes 247

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