The Wildflower and the Honey Bee

The Wildflower and the Honey Bee

by Maria Psanis

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781463422387
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 09/13/2011
Pages: 160
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.37(d)

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The Wildflower and the Honey Bee


By Maria Psanis

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Maria Psanis
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4634-2238-7


Chapter One

Gracefully

Bittersweet realities,
challenges of life
have crawled up my spine.

Countless seasons have
come and gone
leaving faded memories
in my mind and soul.

I reflect on my life
and only see
how a loving God
have cared for me.

I take a deep breath,
I mumble an old forgotten song,
tears of joy
tumble my heart.

I might be old
I might be wrinkled
but life has been
a journey of tickles.

I don't need Frank Sinatra
to dance with me
nor do I need my dead husband
to have dinner with me.

My rocking chair, my books,
my music, my TV
make life very complete.

I'm aging gracefully.


It's Just a number

No sense in fighting with my years.
I'm two hundred years old.
I think ...
At least that's how I feel.
If I were younger
I would be able to see and hear.
Don't let the number
get you confused.
It's just a number.
I act as if I were thirty
I dress as if I were twenty.
My mind is sharp,
so are my teeth.
I eat everything
you put in front of me.
My heart is full of divine songs,
I dance with my fables,
my memory embroids harmony
in my mind, body and heart.
Don't pay attention to my emotions,
they swing.
My logic at times is hanging
from a tree.
I'm first to admit
it feels great to be this old
because I break all rules and laws.
I'm free from playing games,
free from hide and seek,
free from all duties,
free from all the nonsense
that used to cover me.
the Wildflower and the Honey Bee
Finally, I've reclaimed my wholeness,
I embrace my truth.
For every happiness, every sadness, every loss
I've grown.
Now is my time to do and to be,
not brush my teeth, not wash my feet.
Everyone around caters to me,
they hug me and tell me
I'm their queen.
I want to live eternity.


Freedom

I've aged. Don't you see?
My gray-silver hair,
grooved-rippled skin,
my fat belly
makes me look pregnant,
but I'm not.
Not at my age.
Sex is less appealing.
I'm sad for that.

Even though I've lost my beauty,
and who really cares,
I've gained freedom
that I never had.

I'm free from giving excuses,
from running around
to catch up on things,
from a busy schedule
that didn't allow time
to enjoy me.

Now I listen to music
all night long.
I email my friends
who live in different lands.
I laugh. I cry.
I tell a few dirty jokes.
I care less to be liked
because I'm my own best friend.
I'm not critical, nor do I judge.
I accept my neuroses
with an amusing heart.

I've simplified my life,
I donated my jewelry,
clothing and cosmetics.
I don't crave for much,
only to dance, sing and love.

I'm forgetful with right or wrong
I tend to smile
even when my wilted health
is poking my soul.

I've aged. What's wrong with that?
I see it as a blessing
even though my body parts
do come undone.
I swing by sweet memories.
Life moves on.


Old Woman

I look in the mirror
and what do I see?
This old woman
with her tongue sticking out
making fun of me.
I've never seen her before,
she won't tell me her name,
but every time I move
she takes up my space.

She is wrinkled and old,
who behaves like a child,
she pushes and pulls
many times I fall.
I don't know why
she has taken over my home,
don't know who she is,
where she comes from.

She makes fun of my looks,
she forgets to wash her face,
she leaves the toothpaste on the floor,
washes her feet in the toilet bowl.
She fusses over her health,
complaints about her hearing,
ever time I try to ignore her
she jumps in front
and grabs my meal.

I don't know what to do,
don't know what to say,
this old woman for sure
is a huge burden and pain.
I pray to God every night,
I keep my fingers crossed,
I just don't want this old woman
to take over my spirit, my home.


Silly You, Silly Me

One step, two steps, three steps,
Stop!
Take a deep breath. Inhale, exhale.
Where is your cane?
Silly you, you think you're young,
you think you can, you think you might,
run around the house
without your teeth,
without your hair,
without your underwear.

Oh, silly me
just like a child
I chase after you.

I hold your hand,
you giggle and smile,
the little devil
jumps from your eyes.
You grab my coffee,
you take my juice,
you prefer my meal,
and also eat yours.

What am I going to do
with my lovely lady
who thinks she's the queen of queens.
You keep me busy
morning and night,
you want all of my attention,
everyone else can take a hike.

You tell me what to do,
and how to do it.
I listen, I obey,
because after all you're my "mommy"
adoring your feisty spirit,
I endure. I smile.

You sing to the dog,
you talk to the cat,
you water the plants,
the only thing you know
is loving your children and grandchildren.
Not having a care
for the outside world
because it gets you mad.
You don't understand
why people act mean,
why the abuse, why the crimes.
One step, two steps, three steps.
Stop!
I know your arthritis is
causing you pain,
I also know your eyes
don't allow you to see clear,
and your ears hear funny things.
But I'm here.
Put your weight on me.

I'll see for you,
I'll hear for your,
I'll walk you to the kitchen
so you can enjoy the meal
I've cooked for you.

Silly you, silly me.
Need to keep repeating myself.
When I raise my voice
for you to hear,
you get annoyed. You push me away,
and tell me to stop yelling at you.
When I speak softly
you tell me to speak louder
because you don't hear.

Oh, what am I going to do!
Wrap my arms around you
and whisper in your ear
the love you taught me over the years
is spilling out,
embracing you.
Silly you. Silly me.


Getting Old

I listen. I hear.
You trust me
with all your senses.

Who said getting old
was going to be golden?

I can see you've lost
your conversational skills
you look in space, cannot hear,
fragile mind, weak heart,
your dreams are fading
beyond horizons.

Sitting causes you anxiety,
lying in bed, cannot close your eyes,
fearing death,
walking is a chore,
your legs don't hold,
rejecting a wheel chair,
ignoring a walker.

You ask for my hand
to get your strength.

You're an intricate
part of my life.

How did I allow
you to get old?
Couldn't I have stopped time?
Wasn't my love
strong enough?

I listen. I hear.
You trust me
with all your senses.

Caressing your face
with my eyes
your spirit entangles mine.


My Cane and Me

The years have gone by,
my face has changed,
Not long ago I was a Diva.
Now I don't know,
I don't recognize,
who is she
that looks at me
in the mirror.

The hair has turned
cotton,
the face wrinkled,
the wrinkles play melodies.
The hand and legs
don't hold the years
bending, stumbling,
groaning.

The bed has become God,
pains and tears
under the sheets
play hide-and-seek.

Where's my cane
that chases nightmares
which hold me hostage
in the nights
I'm vigilant.

My cane and me
for years
inseparable friends
we share light,
darkness,
fears, illnesses,
a million silent secrets,
pranks we played
in childhood years.

Where are you going
to find me?
Where are you going
to lose me?
With my cane in my arms
dreaming,
reminiscing to when
I was beautiful
and young.


Today

Smile
Today is special.
You're alive!

Don't worry ...
Worrying doesn't change
the situation.

Learn to relax.
Read a book,
play with your memories,
take a walk with your dreams.

Sit on this rocking chair
it's many generations old,
has countless experiences,
has survived tears, pain, illnesses,
has given comfort
to young and old.

Don't hold on to things so tight.
What does it matter?

What matters is to make
Today the most
Special day of your life.

Don't save for a special occasion.
Make today special.

Tomorrow might never come.
Yesterday it's already gone.

Dance, sing, imagine,
because Today you're alive,
to give and receive,
to love and be loved,
to forgive and free
your heart from resentments.

Embrace Today
because tomorrow might never come.


Victim

Vulnerable,
in denial,
powerless,
self-doubt,
guilt,
anxious,
fearful,
angry,
fatigue,
body aches,
immobile.

Victim of old age.


I Was told

I'm too weak to speak,
I was told I'm terminally ill,
whatever that means,
I don't have the time
to waste being sick.

I need to get up
but my body is fatigued,
my ankles and feet swollen.
This is not me.

What went wrong?
I smoked for seventy plus years,
did things I wanted to do,
traveled, made new friends,
danced under a full moon,
ran in the rain,
sped on the highway
and never got caught.

Can someone tell me
what's going on, I'm ninety-one.
Life has been good to me.
Why now? I'm trapped,
my freedom is gone.
I don't like this at all.

Can someone, please,
bring back my years.
This old age sucks,
I didn't expect to fall apart.
I was a queen
now I'm full of fear.

I was told to count my blessings,
I lived such a wonderful life.
But I don't want to give it up
I need to hold on.


Senile

I need new knees,
a new heart,
new lungs, new ears,
eyes that can see.

I take a hand-full
of medication
to fix this and that
but these pills affect
my many parts.

I'm dizzy, have headaches,
fight with dementia,
don't remember my years,
don't recognize my body
looks strange to me.

My body is out of shape
I know that much,
my face and belly are swollen
so are my ankles and feet,
I don't understand,
what's going on here.

It's scary not knowing today,
yesterday is fogged,
tomorrow seems too far.
They call me senile,
I'm happy with that.


A Love Poem

I need a break from
this old age,
I would like to write
a love poem instead:

When I was young
I fell in love
with two men
one was young, one was old.

The young man gave me pleasures
intoxicated me with dreams
made my body scream.

The older gentleman was rich
bought me fur coats,
diamond rings, luxury cars,
he was always on time,
danced me under the moonlight.

My heart was caught
between a free spirit,
and a wise soul.

I didn't know what to do,
to marry both
was against the law.

I bury my heart
with all these rules
and left behind both fools.
I found myself all alone,
not trusting love nor my soul.

I wouldn't call this
a love poem
just my past.

I'm an old woman now,
I have no desires,
I have no dreams,
just fainted memories
that cover me.


There's No Pill

Need to talk about death,
Let's gather around,
grab your coffee, tea, wine
and celebrate the new beginning,
the end of life.

Let's all acknowledge that
without death there's no life.
Does everyone agree?

Now I can tell you
the reason I called all of you here.

Please let's share our joys, our fears,
we're all old,
one of us can die tomorrow if not today,
there're many cures
that prolong life expectancy
but not for old age,
there's no pill,
death can't be prevented.
Does everyone agree?

Few of you smile
many of you frown,
don't be tensed,
silence is fine,
we can talk by laughing and crying.

Sometimes I cuss under my breath
to release the pressure
I feel on my chest.
I don't mean any harm,
God knows my heart.
I know it's not easy getting old,
losing our freedom
it's really wrong.

We should know that
we don't stay young forever,
old age suddenly knocks on our door,
our bodies and minds
wither and fall.

We need mental adjustment, humor and love
to support each other before we're gone.

Does everyone agree?


Trust God!

Reflect,
see your youth,
take a deep breath,
sometimes you struggled,
sometimes you did not.

Move forward,
witness your adolescence.
Smile.
You did great
on the roller-coaster ride,
left you scars,
made you stronger
and who you are.

As an adult,
you freed your soul,
experienced life,
wrinkled your heart,
had laughter and tears,
pain and love.

Trust God!
You're in the right place
don't hold so rough,
make room for your old age,
don't underestimate.

Accept gently your new path,
as you watch your life
taking a turn.


Thoughts of Impatience

Sadness is holding my smile,
I don't know what to do.
Do I struggle for life,
or embrace death that's
walking by my side?

I love life, don't want to let go,
I have difficulty accepting
I'm sick and old.

My beauty has faded,
my health has declined.
I'm walking on egg shells
not ready to die.

I'm scared to go on the other side.
Thoughts of impatience
hover over me.
I call your name
come run, keep me safe.

I'm looking for a cure
to regain my health,
wanting to stay.
Doctors and nurses don't help.
God, I'm so mad!


Free

I'm free of all powers
thus I'm able
to be your servant.


Life and Death

Sing with me,
don't look behind,
those years are gone,
take my hand, don't hold so tight,
intoxicated by
your memories,
in love with life,
your agony pierced my heart.

Sing with me,
don't be so loud,
no one can hear your cries,
your extravagance
consoles my tenderness,
no need to fight
to tell your song.

Sing with me,
allow your voice
to be the breeze.
Have mercy,
be the integrity,
the peace and love
of life and death.
Sing with me
allow your tears
to form a dance.
My rhythm will guide you
without a fuss.
Reveal your secrets
under my aged moon
and I'll hold
your winter sun.

Sing with me,
I'll put on your lips
the words, the songs.
Don't be afraid
to look at the truth
head on.
Don't be afraid.
Death transforms
the dust to dust.

Sing with me,
Don't let darkness
steal your aura
no matter your years.
Have no doubt
your light that you'll leave behind
will stay on.

Sing with me
my love of loves.


Care Giver

Don't want to control you,
nor do I want to
steal your Free Will.
I'm here to just protect you,
and calm your thorns.
Don't want to see you in danger,
your grandiose delusions
lack realism.
I'm your care giver
no need for you to be scared.

I'm here to soothe your insecurities,
to chase away your nightmares,
to comfort your pains and illness.
Rest your body upon my heart
and I'll take care of you
no matter what.
Would you call this Love?


Me, Myself and I

My mind and thoughts
are invaded.
I no longer feel free,
my old age has taken
away the best of me.

God keeps opening the door,
but I run away out of fear.
I'm angry and mad.

I'm not ready to depart,
I want time to stop.

No one is listening.
Not even God.

I want to be young again,
to hell with being old.
This aging process is killing my soul.
I want to be gorgeous,
independent, and strong.

Is anyone listening?
Where is the doctor?
Where is the nurse?
Me, myself and I
can't let go.


Frustrated

I'm unhappy, depressed
and upset.
No one is listening
to my request.
Hopeless, miserable
and bleak,
I would like to hide
under my bed.

Joking is no longer fun,
someone has stolen
my giggles, amusement
and hilarious jumps.

Reframing my thinking
is not easy to do,
when all my wires
are tangled,
and my brain
doesn't have power
for my body to move.

I look all around me
and what do I see?
One blue sock, one red shoe,
my clothes aren't matching
I look like I live
in a zoo.

I look in the mirror
what else do I see?
This monkey laughing
at my dentures
hanging out of my ear.

I'm frustrated, angry and mad
can someone help me
remove my underwear
from my head.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from The Wildflower and the Honey Bee by Maria Psanis Copyright © 2011 by Maria Psanis. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Gracefully....................1
It's Just a Number....................2
Freedom....................4
Old Woman....................6
Silly You, Silly Me....................8
Getting Old....................11
My Cane and Me....................13
Today....................15
Victim....................17
I Was Told....................18
Senile....................20
A Love Poem....................21
There's No Pill....................23
Trust God!....................25
Thoughts of Impatience....................26
Free....................27
Life and Death....................28
Care Giver....................30
Me, Myself and I....................31
Frustrated....................32
Laughter....................34
Attitude....................35
Peaceful....................36
Echoing....................37
Losses....................38
I'm Afraid....................39
Lucky Star....................41
Love....................43
In the Name of God....................44
War....................45
Preoccupied....................46
Kiss....................48
Being Old....................49
Longing....................50
Sense of Timing....................51
Metamorphoses....................53
We Come and Go....................54
My Soul....................55
All About Me....................56
Outside the Box....................58
Restless....................59
Pinning....................60
Imposing Limitations....................61
Peace....................62
Truth....................63
No Coincidence....................64
Instead....................65
Sentimental Attachments....................66
Loving You....................67
Two Stars....................68
The Box....................69
The Wildflower and the Honey Bee....................71
My Mother....................73
Searching....................74
Where Did the Years Go?....................75
Countless Wounds....................76
Rejects....................78
I Want....................80
Pretending....................81
You....................82
Death is Coming....................83
Golden Years....................85
Ways of Coping....................87
Melting Down....................88
Healer....................89
Just Humor Me....................91
Death-phobic....................92
YoYo....................94
Deteriorating....................95
Maybe....................96
Yes I Can....................97
Monochrome Day....................99
Use Me....................100
Rainbow....................101
Your Image....................102
Humor....................103
Seeks to Escape....................104
Stuck....................105
Slowly Dying....................106
Listen....................107
Iconography....................108
A Fugitive....................109
Paradise....................110
Masking....................111
Pulled Away....................112
Wake-up Call....................113
Preparing Myself....................114
I've Learned....................115
Aching....................116
Dark Holes....................117
In Silence and Stillness....................118
Seeking....................119
When?....................120
Your Absence....................121
A New Dawn....................123
Falling Star....................124
Dance....................126
Ecstasy....................127
How....................128
Welcoming....................129
I Had My Turn....................131
Farewell....................132
Don't Know....................133
Relinquishing Control....................134
One....................135
My Gift....................136
Not a Joke....................137
Embracing....................138
Your Eyes....................139
Mourning....................140
Out of Step....................141
Sharing....................142
Celebrate....................144
Illustration....................145

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