This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods: A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma

This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods: A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma

This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods: A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma

This Is How We Heal from Painful Childhoods: A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma


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Do you suspect that some of your struggles in adulthood are tied to habits and issues lingering from your childhood? Have you struggled with getting over childhood trauma and family dysfunction? Painful experiences from childhood can include anything from a stressful family divorce all the way to emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.

Chronically stressful childhoods often result in a disorder called Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), making it extremely difficult to maintain healthy and happy relationships with yourself and others. Even if you did not develop C-PTSD yourself, you have likely felt other harmful effects of intergenerational trauma. Through this phenomenon, human struggles are inherited literally as genetic issues or passed along through skills deficits, dysfunctional relationships, and life circumstances such as poverty or lack of education. And when these ancestral issues go unaddressed, we hand them down to the next generation.

If your childhood included prolonged periods of chronic stress, family traumas, or dysfunctional family dynamics, then your young brain likely created deeply ingrained physical and mental habits that it believed would help you survive. Unfortunately, though many of these habits and core beliefs were intended for survival, they actually work against your life and relationship goals as an adult. These unfortunate responses to childhood stress and trauma can include:

  • Unhealthy relationship with yourself (self-loathing, toxic shame, perfectionism)
  • Unhealthy personal habits
  • Unstable work life (multiple job losses, conflict)
  • Chaotic, combative, or toxic relationships (breaking down instead of building up)
  • Dysfunctional family dynamics
  • Personal or family substance abuse
  • Survival-based thinking (defensive, distrusting)
  • Chronic anxiety (symptoms of fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses)
  • Depression, panic, bipolar, ADHD, dissociation, and other mental health disorders

These (and many more) are all perfectly normal reactions to a painful childhood, and they do not automatically go away when you grow up! Healing from family trauma is challenging, but it can be done. Instead of hoping these issues will magically fix themselves (hint: they won't), you can utilize self-education and skills building to heal past your childhood and thrive in your adulthood.

This book presents 20 specific concepts that each must be addressed to comprehensively heal from, and thrive past, your stressful childhood. While many books about family trauma (and books about childhood trauma) focus on two to three of these issues in depth, they typically leave out entire concepts critical to beast-mode thriving! The book's first 11 rules (chapters) focus primarily on you as an individual, and the remaining 9 on your interpersonal functioning. Each chapter explains key concepts before offering realistic drills you will use to redirect your mental and physical habits toward thriving instead of surviving. Here are just a few of the 20 rules:

  • Trauma lies are just that...LIES
  • We must slow down to speed up
  • Remove shame, learn from guilt
  • Practice treating yourself in a self-loving and self-respecting fashion
  • We are responsible for the decisions that we are aware of
  • It's us against trauma world
  • Boundaries are confusing, so keep practicing better boundaries
  • Addictions = Intimacy disorders
  • Will versus skill...both are necessary

This encouraging and reality-based guide to healing from childhood and family trauma was authored by Ernest Ellender, PhD, presenting the insights of his 20-year career in psychology working directly with survivors of various types of childhood and intergenerational trauma.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9798988801221
Publisher: Ernest Ellender, Phd, LLC
Publication date: 03/15/2024
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 321,017
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.75(d)

About the Author

Ernest Ellender worked in the fields of psychology, life coaching, and martial arts for over 25 years, culminating in his book entitled "This Is How We Heal From Painful Childhoods: A Practical Guide for Healing Past Intergenerational Stress and Trauma". After earning his doctorate in clinical psychology, Ernest focused heavily on application of research and theory to provide therapy and life coaching to community-based clients. His advanced martial arts training (3rd degree black belt in Brazilian Jiu-jitsu) lent unique insights into the process of developing precise, complex skills. Ernest combined the best of both psychology and martial arts training into an empowering curriculum for healing from childhood and family struggles. The rich Cajun heritage of south Louisiana where Ernest grew up includes amazing, close-knit communities that celebrate family life and a close connection to the land (hunting, fishing, farming, food), as well as a long history of cultural traumas that persist today. This offered fertile grounds for refining his curriculum before offering it to the world in his new book. Known affectionately in his hometown as "Waffle", he spends his free time enjoying the wonderful Cajun cuisine, marshlands, beaches, and local microbreweries of south Louisiana with his family and friends.

Susanne received her BA in Cultural studies and MA in Cultural Analysis from the University of Amsterdam. Both these programs were interdisciplinary, and taught her to analyze texts critically. They instilled in her a profound respect for artists and their work, which now underlies her own work at Passionate Writer Coaching where she offers a variety of editing and coaching services for authors. "The help my clients are looking for often relates to overcoming their own obstacles so that they can find joy in writing. I help them by employing a strong business ethic. It's my conviction that both the writing process and a writer's attachment to their writings are delicate and beautiful things. They should be approached with care, understanding and quiet support." - Susanne Schotanus
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