This Is What I Want to Tell You

This Is What I Want to Tell You

by Heather Duffy Stone

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Overview

Nadio and his twin sister, Noelle, always had a unique bond. And somehow, Keeley Shipley fit perfectly into their world. But when Keeley spends the summer in England, she comes home changed, haunted by a dark memory. As she and Nadio fall in love, they try to hide it from Noelle, who's jealously guarding a secret of her own. Slowly, a life-long friendship begins to crack under the crushing weight of past trauma, guarded secrets, jealousy, obsession . . . and an unexpected love that could destroy them. "Intense and lyrical, Heather Duffy Stone's story about transformations wrenches the heart and then puts it back together again, stronger and better for having read this book."—Carrie Jones, author of Need Friendship, love, and unexpected secrets

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780738722740
Publisher: North Star Editions
Publication date: 09/08/2010
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
File size: 398 KB
Age Range: 12 - 18 Years

About the Author

Heather Duffy Stone writes stories and essays that are mostly inspired by high school—either her own or someone else’s. This Is What I Want to Tell You is her first novel. She has lived in Vermont, England, Los Angeles, rural New York and Rome, Italy. For now she cooks, sleeps, explores, writes and teaches in Brooklyn, New York.


Heather Duffy Stone writes stories and essays that are mostly inspired by high school—either her own or someone else’s. This Is What I Want to Tell You is her first novel. She has lived in Vermont, England, Los Angeles, rural New York and Rome, Italy. For now she cooks, sleeps, explores, writes and teaches in Brooklyn, New York.

Read an Excerpt

This Is What I Want to Tell You


By Heather Duffy Stone

Flux

Copyright © 2009 Heather Duffy-Stone
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-7387-1450-9


Chapter One

Noelle

I can't tell you exactly what happened, but I can tell you part of it.

My part.

I once read that you should always write about what you know, that what you know will tell the best story. What I know now is that the stories people tell are always about our insecurities, about the things we left behind, and about the things we wish we could do again. The real story isn't about what you know; it's about what you wish you knew then.

The story I want to tell leaves some stuff out, because to tell all of it is too true. And some stuff needs to be kept secret.

Here is something true. I met him at a party. His name was Parker. The party was at Jessica Marino's older brother's loft in the city. It was loud and dim and dirty, the way lofts are in your imagination. Jessica and I both wore black eyeliner smudged in thick clouds around our lashes and tore our tank tops into jagged pointy Vs. Jessica's brother mostly ignored us and we hung in the corners of the room, trying, without admitting it, to make our faces pout and suggest, like all of the faces we saw around us, like all of these faces who seemed older and better and barely noticed us.

I saw Parker when he came in; he was taller than everyone else and wore a black hat tilted low over the left side of his face. He swaggered. He knew people. His eyes pierced even from far away.

He looked like everything I wasn't.

The whole room was dirty and a little bit faded. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. I felt like in that moment I wanted to be the kind of girl that he'd want to talk to. I felt like I wanted to be a rock star.

Then it happened. He started talking to me. He came up to me when Jessica was in the bathroom and I was hugging the perimeter of the room.

Hey, he said, and it felt like I was dreaming.

He asked me who I knew. Up close his eyes were cold- water blue. Everything about him was long and lean. He was wearing a black T-shirt and right here in front of me I could see it was faded and thin and his shoulders pushed through it, straining the thin fabric. His hair was a million kinds of brown-pushed up on one side like he'd been sleeping, or like the hat, now gone and forgotten, had shaped the hair it left exposed.

He asked me where I was from and I said something about Jessica's brother and I wondered why he was still talking to me.

Damn, you're beautiful, he said. I saw you right when I walked in. What's your name?

Noelle, I whispered.

No-Elle, he said, and I watched his tongue pause against the back of his teeth at the end of my name. It had never sounded like that before.

No-Elle, he repeated, as if it were something different. As if it were his.

I can't even tell you, that feeling when someone calls you pretty, your whole face feels hot and then the rest of your body gets hot and then everything around you turns blurry.

How come I've never seen you before, he said.

And I knew he was older but it suddenly occurred to me that he wasn't that much older. And that I had him completely fooled. That all of it, everything, was in my hands. I'd never felt that way before. I leaned my head to the side so a piece of hair fell over my eye.

* * *

The thing I need to tell you is that before this night, Keeley Shipley was my best friend. All summer she'd been away from home. I got a job that summer at the Cree-Mee stand and I worked with Jessica Marino. I knew Jessica from school where she wore black eyeliner and corduroy miniskirts and seemed to know a secret that nobody else in Geometry knew. She was the kind of person who makes you feel like there is a whole other life out there and it is way better than the one you are living. That summer I rode around in Jessica's car after work and we smoked joints and felt bored and waited for something to happen. The whole time I couldn't shake the feeling that something was happening in Keeley's life and it had nothing to do with me.

Keeley was my first friend-besides Nadio, my twin brother. We had this thing that a lot of kids don't have-this connection where we just got each other. Like we were meant to be friends. For ten years the only person who understood anything about me was Keeley Shipley. For most of those ten years I didn't even notice how our lives were different. How her sweeping house on the hill shadowed ours. How she was so beautiful everyone just stared at her. How everything near her seemed to turn the color gold-really. But the thing was, the thing that made it all okay, was that Keeley never seemed to notice any of this either. But then she went away. Then she started to live this whole life outside of our life. Then my brother Nadio and Keeley Shipley fell in love and that was the end of everything I knew.

The night I met Parker, Keeley and Nadio weren't in love yet, but I think I knew it was coming. The night I met Parker was the last real night of the summer. The night I met Parker I was almost the same age as our mother was when she bought a one-way ticket to Italy and met our father on an overnight train. The night I met Parker was the night Keeley was coming home; but when Jessica called me and asked me to go to this party with her, it was like I just knew I had to go. I didn't leave Keeley a message or anything, I just went. Like I forgot that was the night she was coming home.

Except I never forgot.

My brother only remembers a photograph of the three of us meeting, but I remember the real first time I saw Keeley. She had pale, pale skin and millions of freckles and I thought her face was the most amazing thing I had ever laid eyes on-so many tiny painted freckles, and white-blonde hair-it turned gold as we got older but that first day it was almost white. Keeley didn't hide behind her parents the way other kids did around us. She was never intimidated by the fact that there were two of us. She just walked right in, and she fit.

Before that summer everything was quiet. Everything was Nadio and me and Keeley, everything was the orchard where we lived and the hiking trails around us and our bikes along the road and sleeping in between our houses in tents. Through sophomore year, most of the time it was like we had the world to ourselves. Then Keeley flew to England for the summer and Nadio started running all the time and Jessica Marino started to drive me around in her car. That world we'd had to ourselves wasn't there anymore. There was a whole new one.

When I met Parker I thought I could make him fill in all those spaces and gaps that my brother and Keeley left behind, even though the shapes were all wrong. I'd never seen anyone like him-no one like him had ever paid attention to me.

He had tattoos. Not just a few but a lot. Up and down his arms and across his shoulder blades. I only saw some of them that first night, but I could see their points and edges beneath the sleeves and above the neck of his shirt. I tried not to stare.

Hey, it's okay, he said. Look at them.

And he turned his arms over and pointed at them and told me where he was when he got each one-it was like a whole history of his life, right there on his skin, carved in with needles and ink and painting him from one place to the next. And there were so many places.

My first one, he said about a huge Celtic symbol on his right shoulder. I got this one in Boston when I was visiting my cousin. You know, Celtic warriors used the art on their bodies to intimidate their enemies.

I didn't know that.

On the back of his hand, a symbol that looked like swiftly painted lines. He put his palm down on my thigh and that tattooed hand was framed by my jeans, his fingers sending chills through the fabric.

It's the Chinese symbol for fire, he said, nodding down at his hand. You know, its warmth, its danger all at once, and it's my-you know you need fire to cook, and that's what I do.

You cook? I asked. I could barely concentrate.

Yeah, he said. He turned his hand, lifting his fingers from my jeans, letting the breath out. On the inside of his wrist a spiral starting small, wound tight at the veins at his wrist and then unwinding, snaking all the way up to the inside of his elbow. A serpent.

You know, temptation, he said.

He had a tattoo that ran in a column down his spine-it said

what does not destroy me makes me stronger

in straight, black heavy script.

What almost destroyed you? I asked him.

But that was later. That was a different night. I didn't see the one on his back that first night.

* * *

My brother and I are telling this story because we realized that it wasn't one story, but two. For the first time, the things that happened to us looked so different. Even Keeley, who had always been there in both of our eyes, suddenly became two different people. I always thought I was the only one who knew who she was exactly, but last year I realized I didn't really know who anyone was-Keeley, Nadio, much less me.

Keeley had been in England all summer and the night she got home, I wasn't there. I was meeting Parker. She and I had never been apart for more than a few days, not since we were five years old. But what was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to just sit and wait for her all summer?

(Continues...)



Excerpted from This Is What I Want to Tell You by Heather Duffy Stone Copyright © 2009 by Heather Duffy-Stone. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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This Is What I Want to Tell You 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 12 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was one of the best books i have ever read. You can feel the emotion so strongly from both characters that you feel like you are there living the story with them. This book will break your heart and then put it back together. This book is a must read and i would recommend it to everyone. Be prepared to shed some tears.
April4492 More than 1 year ago
Your twin is your other half, the one who knows you inside and out so what happens if he starts keeping the most important things from you? What happens when our twin brother is secretly in love with your best friend? "This is What I Want to Tell You" by Heather Stone shares the emotions between teenage friends and siblings. Keely, Noelle, and Nadio have been best friends since they can remember what will Noelle do when she finds out she is the third wheel? Keely, Nadio, and Noelle grew up together on an orchard and spent every waking second together. Their story starts when Keely comes back from her summer away at Oxford. Keely and Noelle are best friends but when Keely returns they can't get along, Noelle has no desire to see her or even talk to her. Noelle rebelled started going to parties and found herself a guy named Parker. Nadio and Keely started hanging out more and more and Nadio started seeing her as more than just his sister's best friend. He fell and love and couldn't get himself to tell Noelle so what happens when she finds out? The format and the writing style of this book makes it easy to read, and very enjoyable. Each chapter switches between sharing Nadio's story to sharing Noelle's story and portraying the feelings, thoughts, and actions of both of them. Heather uses a very easy to read style that gets these teen's feelings across in an easy to read way. I liked this book and would recommend it to young adults. People can easily relate to some of these situations and makes it even that much better to read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is a very good book. Noelle and Nadio have a unique bond. When kelly comes back from her trip she acts different more confident. Nadio and kelly start having a relationship. Noelle doesn't know about it but she feels like there's something. But noelle has this secret boyfriend and when noelle finds out about nadio and kelly she freaks. But she just feels scared and alone and wants things to be back the way it was between each other, before everything changed. It has a really good ending and is a must read.
IHeart2Read More than 1 year ago
Noelle and Nadio are twins. Noelle and Keeley are best friends. Keeley spends the summer in Europe with her family. This story is what happens after Keeley returns. Upon her return, Keeley knows something is different with Noelle. Their friendship is not smooth anymore. There's too much space between them and no words can be used to bring them together. Noelle finds a new friend, Jessica, while Keeley is away. It's because of this friendship she meets Parker. Parker is Noelle's secret. She doesn't speak of him with Nadio and certainly not with Keeley. As her feelings for Parker intensifies, Nadio and Keeley are starting a new love themselves. Keeley is conflicted with keeping their relationship a secret from Noelle. She's also struggling with an event that occurred during the summer that can negatively impact her relationship with Nadio. When Noelle discovers their relationship, she reacts in such a volatile way, that all parties will begin to question the closeness of their friendship. I have to say, I wasn't sure if I liked Noelle or not. She kept her relationship with Parker a secret, but yet was angry with Nadio and Keeley for keeping their relationship a secret. It wasn't until I saw how scared she was of not having a chance to live, that I started to warm up to her. Nadio has an interesting role in the story. Not only is he the twin brother and the best friend's brother, he's the man of the house. Nadio's father left the family and Nadio isn't sure how to be. He questions his feelings, he isn't sure what to do and blames his father for this. He begins to write letters to his father as a way to figure out who he is as a son, a brother, a boyfriend and an individual. Nadio is conflicted with his new feelings for Keeley and his loyalty to his sister. This Is What I Want to Tell You illustrates the repercussions on a relationship that is strained by jealousy and secrets.
theepicrat on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Heather Duffy Stone captures the voices of Nadio and Noelle extremely well (where it really sounded as if you are sitting in front of them), but I feel that this was more of Noelle's story of feeling left behind and unloved. She reminds me a little of Emily Black from I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone, same rebellious nature, same desire to find her place in the world. I wish that Keeley also had a voice of her own, instead of hiding within the twins' POV. Her own troubles and secrets seem somewhat downplayed, although I could tell by her actions that she really wanted to talk to Noelle about them.The prose is a little distracting, I admit, with its lack of quotation marks. However, it really flows well like a conversation that you start to become absorbed with Noelle and Nadio's stories. The writing is phenomenol!Honestly, I am not sure how I feel about this book. I liked it, but felt a little dissatisfied with the ending (which isn't bad, it just lets life continue on its unhurried path). It is unlike other YA books that I have read. I would compare it to cracked up to be, more serious though Noelle does not seem as harsh as Courtney Summers's Parker.
galleysmith on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Navigating precarious relationships is the name of this book¿s game. Family, friends and romantic interactions are all showcased with a dynamic realism. The most forceful portrayal being Noelle¿s relationships with everyone she encounters. At the tender age of sixteen she runs the gambit of emotions from blind euphoria to obsession, rage, betrayal and depression ¿ ultimately culminating in an act of self-realization that will shock and sadden the reader.On the other hand there is the more muted tone of her brother Nadio and best friend Keeley. The two and their love story play and underlying roll in the story but one that ultimately spurns the culmination of events in Noelle¿s life. So for that one moment they too become as dynamic as she.I found myself wishing that more of the twin dynamic was explored and that we got to see the inner workings of Noelle¿s relationship with Nadio. Seeing how that played into Noelle¿s decision making process (or didn¿t as it were) as she navigated her relationships may have added more emotion to Nadio¿s story. It certainly would have lent more power to her discovery of the blooming romance between he and her best friend. It would have made that betrayal more tragic in the readers eyes.As is the case with much young adult fiction the parent as friend factor played into the story here. While in many cases this element of a story doesn¿t quite jibe it really worked well here. A father that had abandoned his family and a mother who compensated for that by being ¿cool, hip and understanding¿ and allowing the teens more freedom went a long way in facilitating Noelle¿s ultimate decent.The events leading to Keeley¿s personality shift during her time in Oxford seemed to hang out there in nowhere. They neither drove the overall story nor had great influence on anything but the small underlying story of she and Nadio. While it did effect her growing relationship with him, the fact that this novel appeared to be more of a story about Noelle made the admission and recognition of what transpired seem slightly out of place.Having said that, the recognition of those events was handled tenderly and with great respect and dignity. Exactly as one would expect a conversation of this nature between two young adults to go. Given this fact it is important to point out that this was an exceptionally well written story. It was not difficult for the reader to visualize characters, locations and events in any way. At times a reader may even find themselves feeling and living certain parts through the eyes of the character they most relate to.In the end, this was not a light and fluffy read nor is it intensely dark and brooding. It had a great deal of angst and certainly its share of emotional upheaval but all was befitting a struggling teen. I would encourage adults and youngsters both to read This is What I Want To Tell You.
BookWhisperer on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
There have always been the three Noelle, Nadia, and Kelley. Although, everything changes when Kelley leaves for a summer to go to England. Shortly after departure Noelle and Nadia find themselves drifting apart, and when Kelley returns she finds that not only has the scenery changes but so have the people. This is what I want to tell you, is told in alternating characters throughout the book. With the assistance of letters that Nadia is writing to his MIA father that has never been a part of his or Noelle's lives. Shortly after returning home things between Nadia and Kelley change, and Noelle finds herself sinking further into solitude. It is not easy to growing apart from friends. Ms. Stone created a very realistic world for Noelle, Nadia, and Kelley that many readers can relate. This is what I want to tell you is quick paced and a very entertaining story.
scoutlee on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Noelle and Nadio are twins. Noelle and Keeley are best friends. Keeley spends the summer in Europe with her family. This story is what happens after Keeley returns.Upon her return, Keeley knows something is different with Noelle. Their friendship is not smooth anymore. There¿s too much space between them and no words can be used to bring them together. Noelle finds a new friend, Jessica, while Keeley is away. It¿s because of this friendship she meets Parker.Parker is Noelle¿s secret. She doesn¿t speak of him with Nadio and certainly not with Keeley. As her feelings for Parker intensifies, Nadio and Keeley are starting a new love themselves. Keeley is conflicted with keeping their relationship a secret from Noelle. She¿s also struggling with an event that occurred during the summer that can negatively impact her relationship with Nadio.When Noelle discovers their relationship, she reacts in such a volatile way, that all parties will begin to question the closeness of their friendship.I have to say, I wasn¿t sure if I liked Noelle or not. She kept her relationship with Parker a secret, but yet was angry with Nadio and Keeley for keeping their relationship a secret. It wasn¿t until I saw how scared she was of not having a chance to live, that I started to warm up to her.Nadio has an interesting role in the story. Not only is he the twin brother and the best friend¿s brother, he¿s the man of the house. Nadio¿s father left the family and Nadio isn¿t sure how to be. He questions his feelings, he isn¿t sure what to do and blames his father for this. He begins to write letters to his father as a way to figure out who he is as a son, a brother, a boyfriend and an individual. Nadio is conflicted with his new feelings for Keeley and his loyalty to his sister.This Is What I Want to Tell You illustrates the repercussions on a relationship that is strained by jealousy and secrets.
stephxsu on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Twins Noelle and Nadio and Noelle¿s best friend Keeley have been inseparable ever since they were children. But the summer before their junior year of high school, Keeley goes off to England, Noelle starts working at the ice cream parlor with new friend Jessica, and Nadio starts running at night. When Keeley returns, nothing is the same. Class issues arise, and Noelle withdraws from their trio and throws herself into her relationship with the older, more intense, and more experienced Parker.Unbeknownst to Noelle, Nadio and Keeley form a deep, romantic bond¿but something¿s still off. Keeley is holding something back. All these secrets that the three former friends are keeping from one another build and build until it all threatens to explode and ruin them forever.THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU was a so-so attempt at expressing the significance of a particular period in life for three friends. What it fails to do in terms of catching one¿s attention, it makes up for in the blunt and often brutal writing style.The most striking part of this book is the style in which it was written. It¿s rather simple and blunt, and therefore evokes pain, secrets, and other appropriately dark qualities. The way it was written reminded me of Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, with both of their abilities to convey difficult, gut-wrenching yet quietly overpowering feelings of adolescent loneliness.That being said, the writing style was also what I liked least. It just seemed like too much at too many points in the story. From the very beginning of Nadio and Noelle¿s narrations we get the sense that something monumental, something life-changing, has occurred to the three main characters¿and yet the book never follows through on this potential. Instead, it wallows in the same feelings of teen-angst direness for most of the novel. These characters never get a break from their misery, and thus we readers don¿t either, which can be immensely overwhelming and unsatisfying.THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU is a difficult but potentially rewarding read. If you like your teen angst novels dark and mired in shoals of hopelessness, this could be for you.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Galleysmith More than 1 year ago
Navigating precarious relationships is the name of this book's game. Family, friends and romantic interactions are all showcased with a dynamic realism. The most forceful portrayal being Noelle's relationships with everyone she encounters. At the tender age of sixteen she runs the gambit of emotions from blind euphoria to obsession, rage, betrayal and depression - ultimately culminating in an act of self-realization that will shock and sadden the reader. On the other hand there is the more muted tone of her brother Nadio and best friend Keeley. The two and their love story play and underlying roll in the story but one that ultimately spurns the culmination of events in Noelle's life. So for that one moment they too become as dynamic as she. I found myself wishing that more of the twin dynamic was explored and that we got to see the inner workings of Noelle's relationship with Nadio. Seeing how that played into Noelle's decision making process (or didn't as it were) as she navigated her relationships may have added more emotion to Nadio's story. It certainly would have lent more power to her discovery of the blooming romance between he and her best friend. It would have made that betrayal more tragic in the readers eyes. As is the case with much young adult fiction the parent as friend factor played into the story here. While in many cases this element of a story doesn't quite jibe it really worked well here. A father that had abandoned his family and a mother who compensated for that by being "cool, hip and understanding" and allowing the teens more freedom went a long way in facilitating Noelle's ultimate decent. The events leading to Keeley's personality shift during her time in Oxford seemed to hang out there in nowhere. They neither drove the overall story nor had great influence on anything but the small underlying story of she and Nadio. While it did effect her growing relationship with him, the fact that this novel appeared to be more of a story about Noelle made the admission and recognition of what transpired seem slightly out of place. Having said that, the recognition of those events was handled tenderly and with great respect and dignity. Exactly as one would expect a conversation of this nature between two young adults to go. Given this fact it is important to point out that this was an exceptionally well written story. It was not difficult for the reader to visualize characters, locations and events in any way. At times a reader may even find themselves feeling and living certain parts through the eyes of the character they most relate to. In the end, this was not a light and fluffy read nor is it intensely dark and brooding. It had a great deal of angst and certainly its share of emotional upheaval but all was befitting a struggling teen. I would encourage adults and youngsters both to read This is What I Want To Tell You.