Vocabulary of Lies is designed to serve as a guide with explanation and demonstrations concerning the deception of "lies". The short stories will incite learning and laughing. Identify and evaluate the case studies; comparison opens your door of understanding. And generate your own ideas from the personal scenarios given in the book.
I know your objective in life is to live happily as well as successfully. Once you are introduced or reacquainted with the many lies you encounter, you should be able to recognize, redirect, and correct what you need to create or maintain happiness and success in your life.
Lies are an Academy-award production moment for so many people. They pride themselves on being able to convince and persuade others to adopt their point of view, do what they want them to do, or simply believe them.
You must be especially careful and critical when you observe others. It is evident that we must look out for number 1. If you do not take the time to practice good listening and body-language reading skills, just to name a few, you may become lost in a lie.
You will develop a keen sense of awareness, and it will become easier for you to choose between the lie, the truth, and what you choose to believe.
We need one another; therefore, let's not build our trust on a "lie".
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Vocabulary of Lies
By Diann Banks
Trafford PublishingCopyright © 2014 Diann Banks
All rights reserved.
Not The Standard Dictionary Definition of a Lie
Before I give you my definitions of "lie." I will give you the computer's dictionary definition of vocabulary. I chose – the system of techniques or symbols serving as a means of expression (as in arts or crafts) as my first and, a listing of the words used in some enterprises as my second.
When a person lies, it is a meaningful expression. There is an art to lying and most times, the liar is crafty. Vocabulary becomes more than just a listing of words. Usage plays a crucial part. Therefore in discussing the why, how, what, when, and where of lies, I had to share the role vocabulary plays in lies.
People lie for a number of reasons with as many terms to stand in for the term lie. They are restructuring, exaggeration, minimization, denial, sarcasm, and fabrication. All these plus more compose the vocabulary of lies. It is funny that the same vocabulary you use to tell the truth you can use to tell a lie.
This is not how any dictionary that you will read defines a lie. A lie is something that is said or done that the recipient does not want to believe as being true. It does not matter how much credence, proof, or explanations..... pleas, crying, or swears occur. The recipient has a made up mind to believe or disbelieve some or none of what is experienced.
In other words, while something can be absolutely true. Whether that is the case or not depends on the person's judgment and conclusion. A person's disbelief of the truth is determined a lie. "I just don't believe it" boils down to a lie for that person. It is always a judgment call.
I have found a lie to be a person blatantly telling you that they do not like the way you treat them or talk to them, but the person continues to call you and persists to be in your company. Now whether the person is lying to you or if they are lying to themselves becomes the issue. Likewise, at times people can be overheard saying that they will try anything and once approached with a question of "Have you tried....?" Surprisingly, the person will readily respond, "No. I have not." Do you wonder why they will continue to believe that the first statement that they made is not now untrue. The person will challenge you should you say, "Well then. You have not tried everything."
Again, the person will insist, "Yes. Everything but that." Without any hesitation, without ever entertaining the thought that what they are saying is in fact not true, but a lie. As innocent as this can be, a lie is just that a lie. Although harmless, identifiably not the same as the truth. A simple example, yet, one that will make the point of the argument that could be just the technicality that renders the shadow of a doubt should a question be asked in a courtroom. This often times is just the shadow of a doubt that can lead to a person's innocence or guilt.
Most times when people see things that are beyond their belief or hear things that they perceive as impossible, they chalk it up as a lie. You can hear it in their responses. "Yea, right." "Sure you're right." "Oh, I'm Susie Sausage Head." Often times, these responses will shut a person down. The person will not continue to explain because of the offense that has been taken to those responses.
There are instances when people have been observed exhausted and outdone trying to ensure that someone believes what they are saying. Their minds are completely blown recalling the effort that was put forth in their explanations and the discontent expressed to them coupled with being told "that's a lie." It is customary to hear in a conversation centered around this type of discord "prove it."
While some things can be proven many things cannot. The person or people have to make a decision to accept the statement as true or decline the statement as false. We are always in some respect being faced with the choice of true or false. It begins early in our lives with true or false tests. True or false tests many times are the preferred tests because they are considered easy. But are they really.
Time after time I can remember taking a true and false test and knowing that a question was true later to find that it was clearly false. That happens mainly because of how the question is framed. Also, we can select the wrong answer if we do not carefully read the question.
Listening is not unlike reading. Should the question be posed to us orally, we must be careful, attentive listeners. One word can make a true statement false and vice versa. Either a statement is correct or incorrect, true or false.
Mind sets are responsible for so many things that are considered lies. People who have been raised to believe superstitions for example will not accept the real facts only what they are accustomed to believing which makes those other things "lies." In most cases, words like falsehoods and untruths have been used instead of the term "lies." There is much usage of the words "fibs" and "fabrications" instead of using the term "lies."
Many times when people do not want to face the pain of a situation, they will call something a lie. So in reality, lies are widespread and most times unintentional and innocent. Nonetheless, lies are detrimental and can lead people off track, in the wrong direction, and missing out completely.
Questions are asked where people know the answer but they want confirmation by asking the question anyway. Usually when people ask questions that relate to emotions, such as "Do you love me?" The reply of "Yes" is the anticipated. If the respondent wants to say "No" but in order not to put the relationship at risk or hurt the person's feelings, the response will be "Yes." The lie is the redeeming factor at the time, while in the near future a series of lies will follow because there certainly will be other questions that will be in line with that first question.
However we categorize and/or label a lie, chances are that eventually the truth will come out. Postponing the truth can be more upsetting to the situation than initially telling the truth from the start.
Without a question being asked, conclusions can be drawn from how one perceives a potential response. Instances present themselves where one will anticipate a response based on past experiences with that person or with another person. Either way, when a person operates based on a perceived answer it possibly could be a lie.
In reality, the person is guessing and behaving as if he/she knows. At times should the person expect a negative response and receives a positive response, it is a good thing. But in cases where the person anticipates a positive response and gets a negative response, the person can go into a denial zone and reject the answer which will make matters worse or they can be devastated by the answer and continue to cling to the perceived lie that he/she has manufactured.
People can lie to you and you can lie to yourself. Neither is a good or healthy state because it will not add up later. Surely, it is better to be truthful with yourself. When you are not sure about something and you need an answer, do not convince yourself that you have the answer just ask the question. Be brave enough to accept it regardless if it is one that you want to hear or not. It is far better to be on track so that you can move forward with your life.
Linda always wanted to hear good things about herself and her situations. She would tell you about an incident and express how she felt about it expecting the response to line up with hers. Consequently, as the responses differed, she would simply say "just tell me what I want to hear." For example, she asked her boyfriend of 2 months if he loved her and before he could answer, she said, "Lie to me."
There are many types of lies and liars that I have just selected those that, in my opinion, top the list. The following chapters will discuss them and hopefully, you will be able to identify with them and if not, you will learn how to recognize them in the future. After all the various types of lies have been told, we need to know how to deal with them.
First and foremost, we need to forgive. Of course, there will be times when you feel that it is just an unforgivable situation, but we must look at ourselves and be considerate. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. When we are sworn to secrecy and/or told things in confidence and then we are asked for the information, we can choose to tell it, lie, or simply say "I know, but I cannot tell you." The best response is always going to be the one that we can live with.
My take on that is simply—I have met this woman's six year old grand daughter and she is absolutely gorgeous. I am sure Grace, like her grandmother, has passed on the same words of wisdom to her.
We have been told that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that is as close to the truth as anything. As we grow and mature, we must be proactive and not allow any insecurities, low-esteem, or false prides to direct our relationships with others. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. When we send out vibrations of "I'm better, prettier, and smarter", most times people are thinking "than who." I certainly thought it when I heard it. Clearly, it was true for Grace but it was a solid lie to me.
I believe people treat Grace badly because of her condescending, know-it-all, I'm better than you attitude. Never could I put my finger on why Grace behaved so rudely. That conversation answered my question. The impact of it was forceful enough to make this book. Hopefully, you do not share any similar views such as Grace.CHAPTER 2
The Out-and-Out Lie (Unnecessary Lying)
This type of lie is the one that everybody tags. Make no mistake about it. It sounds like a lie and it was unnecessary. Most times with the out-and-out lie, the person gets called on it. "You're lying." Of course, the liar does not admit to the lie. I will present the same scenario three times throughout this book. We will identify the dialogue as speaker #1-3 and liar #1-3.
First Scenario: The out-and-out lie
Speaker #1: Where are you going?
Liar #1: To the store?
Two hours later:
Speaker #1: What did you get from the store?
Liar #1: What?
This out-and-out liar forgot the lie. This scenario will be repeated with other liars later in the book. All in all, they all are lying. Some just better than others. Some a lot more believable than the out-and-out liar.
The out-and-out lie is not hard to identify. I am sure that you can give many examples of preposterous things that people say that as they are saying them you know it is a lie. First, it is so far fetched that there is no way that it could be true and it sounds like a lie.
Another determining factor of a lie is the look on the person's face. Signs of discomfort and even perspiration also will indicate that the person is telling a laugh. In some cases, when a person cannot keep a straight face or keep the lie going, the person may break out in laughter or in extreme cases, confess–change the lie—tell the truth.
Out-and-out lies are the most hurtful. They can also masquerade through omission. When you are not told something that is relevant, and later you find out, the out-and-out liar will always respond in these ways:
1) I did tell you. You must have forgotten.
2) You did not ask me.
3) I thought you knew.
4) Why would I tell you something like that.
5) I didn't think you wanted to know.
6) You knew.
Sometimes it is better that your thoughts on a particular subject be left unsaid. When putting your thoughts into words it is always only what a person is willing to reveal. It can be difficult pulling your thoughts together when you know that you have to be guarded from one reason or another. You must be careful that whatever you do so say, that you do not lie.
These types of liars always escalate the situation with more lies. Simple questions such as: "What fragrance are you wearing?" generates the direct answer, Chanel, Beyonce, Cher. But most often, the responses could range from "I don't know what I put on this morning" to "I have a number of fragrances and lotions, I don't know what you are smelling."
While these could all be true statements they tend to sound like a lie. Sincerity trumps most answers. A person who is doing the best to give a truthful answer holds more credibility even if what they are saying is a total lie. For instance, a person can give inaccurate information because the information was given to them. That person embraced that information as truth and passed it on as truth. This is not a cultivated lie rather information received from what was considered a reliable source.
Misleading information such as the wrong directions could be by design or accident. Many people will tell you they know how to get somewhere and give you the wrong directions with all surety that they know what they are talking about. Can we classify an occurrence of this sort as a lie? Of course, it depends on the receiver. Many people buffer what they are told. They take the high road and give the person the benefit of the doubt. Should they be mislead or actually lied to, you will find these people saying "they didn't mean it" or "they were doing the best that they knew how". Again, who is to say either way.
"How old is your daughter?" asked the passenger sitting beside me on the bus. Well, Maria thought. Does she see my daughter? Am I even talking to her, I'm on my cell phone. Maria hesitates, she is thinking ... I should say none of your business but finally Maria answers the passenger saying "Twenty-two."
To completely understand this case study you would have had to have more information to know that the answer was a ridiculous lie. Maria was a teenager.
Henry promised to purchase a set of earphones for his son, Tim. Henry told Tim that he would meet him at his school at the close of the school day. Tim waited for two hours with no signs of Henry. While Tim was waiting his emotions went from excitement, to impatience, to anxiety, to frustration, to anger. Disappointed that Henry did not show up he ran the entire block home. When he approached his house, Henry was sitting on the front porch. Although Tim was perplexed, the emotions inside of him instantly changed from anger to joy.
Before Tim could say a word, Henry yelled out "Where have you been? I have been waiting for you for two hours." Tim discerned from Henry's tone that he was angry. Tim replied, "I was waiting for you for two hours outside of my school." Henry in an angrier voice yelled, "I told you I would meet you at your house not your school." Tim a little disgusted thought, the nerve of him. He clearly told me to meet him at the school at the closing of class.
At this point, Tim's excitement overwhelmed his disbelief and he accepted the lie. His goal was simply to receive the earphones. So it seemed, in an instant, Tim began to jump up and down and asked Henry to forgive hm. Tim said he was sorry that he misunderstood where he should have been. Henry's anger was now transformed into guilt. He told Tim that he was sorry and maybe he was the one who got it wrong. They exchanged hugs and Henry gave Tim the earphones.
Had Henry told an out-and-out lie? Or could he gotten his wires crossed? This was not Tim's concern. Tim told a lie to keep the peace and get his earphones. Before Henry left, he apologized again to Tim and stated that in the future they would confirm their meeting place to be sure that they both were on the same page. This situation was handled well. Easily, this could have gone another way. Tim was in his right to tell Henry that he was lying. They had agreed upon meeting at the school. The end result may have been no earphones for Tim. This was a wise decision that Tim made at 13 years old. He is well on his way towards not labeling people as liars and taking the high road even though his feelings were hurt and he was angry he did not allow himself to be a victim rather a victor.
When you are confronted with a lie, it is not always wise to address it. You must weigh the situation and give the person the benefit of the doubt. Good advice to follow is to look before you leap and think before you speak.
On occasion, you or the other person may get mixed up or completely forget. There will be times when you may have an appointment with someone and you double book. You are at a movie or in a restaurant and realize that someone is waiting for you.
Doing the responsible thing of calling and saying "I forgot, etc." is the appropriate thing to do. Face it. Do not wait until you are called on it and then say, "I thought we were supposed to meet some other time" which you know to be a lie. Lies are contagious. Should you get into the habit of lying to cover up your mistakes you are setting a trap for yourself down the line.
Branding a person as a liar is a harsh, crucial, dangerous, and sometimes unfair labeling. On the other hand, it can be helpful because it serves as a warning to be on guard. Once a person is labeled as a liar, you tend to expect a lie from them in the course of any conversation. In passing on information that you received from such a person you can almost always get a reaction of "She told you that!
Excerpted from Vocabulary of Lies by Diann Banks. Copyright © 2014 Diann Banks. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
1. Not The Standard Dictionary Definition of a Lie, 1,
2. The Out-and-Out Lie (Unnecessary Lying), 9,
3. The Abstract Lie, 26,
4. The Perfect Lie, 31,
5. Habitual Liars, 35,
6. Expert Liars, 38,
7. A Test For Perceived Liars (Check For Lies), 41,
8. Livers of Lies, 48,
9. Putting Lies To Rest, 52,
10. Who Wants To Hear It, 58,
11. The Need To Lie, 60,
12. Ordinary Lies (Typical lies), 63,
13. Why Lie?, 76,
14. Action Lies, 81,
15. What To Do, 87,
Appendix I: "Exclamations", 101,
Appendix II: - Short Stories:, 103,
Regina's Box, 51,
Run Tell That, 53,
Time Always Tells On Liars, 66,
I Am Pretty And Smart, 68,
Play Along Or Leave, 74,
Is Lying the Better Policy?, 79,
You Mean It, 82,
Don't Leave Me Out, 84,
Could Not Resist The Lie, 92,
Appendix III: Contributors, 105,
Appendix IV: Photos and Tidbits, 107,