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Wars of the Mind
Volume 5: (Between Flesh & Bone.)
By Jonathan W. Haubert
Trafford PublishingCopyright © 2014 Jonathan W. Haubert
All rights reserved.
Thrust headfirst into the beginning of the end.
Drive all the fears back and admit that we are sins.
Breakdown all what holds that greater meaning.
Destroy anything that stands now in our way.
Then all is set and ready for another epic chapter.
An ongoing rant within this chronicle of pain.
Stand now so very tall and then you shall reach it.
The other side of the beginning which now must end.
Thrust much deeper beyond all that has yet to be stated.
We are standing on the line now, here below the waves.
We are all so very ready now, to see the darkness beyond the light.
We shall all together terminate, the ending that has now begun ...
"Onward pushing, into the wars of our minds."
Bending The Flame
I can feel it dancing in the palm of my hand.
I can feel it growing so distorted with rage.
As so deeply confused, for what remains unseen.
I can feel it burning, and that is my fate indeed.
I was hoping that you might not see it.
I was hoping that we just might someday forget.
I can't but let go and watch us all die.
I know now the truth, and it lies hidden in time.
You were screaming at the top of your lungs.
You were bleeding red teardrops from your eyes.
You were so happy when I wasn't there.
You had sent me to hell, to burn in torment.
I can feel the flames bending, here in the palms of my hands.
And I know now "I am back ..."
Nightmares Under My Bed
As mother whispered her soothing lullaby into my head.
All that remained was hours upon hours of pure dreaming.
It was so very brilliant, all the innocent thoughts of joy.
Then all at once, dark clouds began to flood the beautiful skies.
No matter how hard I had ever tried to change it.
Still to this day I cannot escape all my tormented fears and pains.
Please mother come now and save your child, here weeping so cold.
It is so dark out now and I believe that my soul is lost.
As all night long, for hours - there tossing and turning with rage.
Was such a bitter cause, all the disappointments of the past.
Still to this day I can feel it, as all emotions are numbed out.
At one point there might have been hope, but now this is all that's left.
Please mother try to wake me, before the demons eat my soul.
Please God protect me, here as the Devil takes his hold.
Please somebody try to save me, from all the nightmares under my bed.
Please just help me to admit it, "that it is but all inside my head ..."
As I Promised
As I had promised, I will be there to catch you as you fall.
Into the darkness, "it calls out to admire the soothing echoes."
As all to be so grim, here in the conclusion of our ends.
Exceeded and we're at the true point which was never fully noticed.
And I did promise, that I would be there to save the day.
Then all behind my eyes is perceived as such a great nonsense.
And as I had once said, I shall love you even passed death.
For all yet to come and still yet to know.
Found hidden beneath a frozen lake, there in our souls.
It floods all the pools, of the insanity beyond my heart.
As I had promised, I will be there to fall as you laugh.
Into the darkness, of all our lies that did never exist.
I did promise, that I would pull the trigger with a smile.
Then thrust between the shadows, "and it's all just in my head."
As I promised, I shall always love you, "even passed death ..."
"So please now awake ..."
Crucifix In Blood
Sinking deeper, into the endless void in the back of my head.
Come then and cut open the roof of my mouth in spite.
Let us both watch as all my sins bleed forth and flood the lands.
It is upon the Devil's wishes that we shall leap over the ledge.
A smile then given, for we are soon to come to an end.
It felt so Goddamn terrific, as gallons of blood bled from my heart.
Was once a sad child, there screaming at me from the other side of the mirror.
Then as the moon wept I knew that it was our true end.
For now can never it be achieved, and there will be no second chance.
Then left there in the middle of the wrist, a message of pain from that love.
It was all so great and now but a miss, left weeping alone in fear.
Can never we save us from ending like that, so very dull and bleak.
Now there submerged, that rusted crucifix in blood.
Does it have some greater meaning, or only the obvious sense?
Come please and take me away, so at that point we erase today.
As tomorrow dies and fades to gray, we are then left with but only this to say.
"The end has come, but I do believe that we are ready ..."
So scream for me, come bleed for me.
Laugh my love for we are dying now.
Come pull my strings, come turn the switch.
For now in flames and forgotten again.
It's nearing cashed, now just burning ash.
It tastes like death with a hint of spirits.
We're just reaching now, still reaching now.
Hoping we might float away to the stars.
So scream for me, come bleed for me.
Run all you wish, for never shall we grasp.
The smoke it floods, consuming our dreams.
Now nearing cashed, just burning ash.
"Then we wake up alone, dead in our dreams ..."
Un-illustrated minds breaking, because the drug was just that great.
Dire gambles taken, then cast back and brutally thrown away.
I am but "that fucking demon" or whatever kind of monster you make of me.
Please do not misquote my meaning, "I truly am just that evil."
Like a dreamer, reaching out into the abyss of my mind.
Like a child, left alone in pain with only fear to keep me in check.
We were like pawns, just so easily cast out and forgotten.
Then when the world came to an end, it was I that laughed and smiled ...
Un-forgiven natures hindering, for we are now at the dawn of our ends.
Like pawns we were cast aside, without even a second chance.
I was once a human, a man that tried to save our world.
I am here and now but a demon, laughing as we all burn ...
"We are nothing but FUCKING PAWNS!!!"
Hungry For Flesh
I am starving here, so very hungry for flesh.
I want to watch the world end, within my own two hands.
I need to just scream-laughing, then regurgitate the frozen ash.
God I am FUCKING starving, so damn hungry for human flesh ...
Feed me please and show to our lord that we can be saved.
Try your best to believe in the lie, there dancing upon your breath.
Tilt then back, to let the nonsense consume the line.
I must feed soon, or I believe that I might die ...
I am so starving now, so very-very hungry for flesh.
I want now to hold the world in my hands, and then laugh as it ends.
I must be the bad guy, the fuck-up that can never be.
I will soon achieve what I seek, "and on your flesh I shall feast ..."
I must feed – I must feed.
Drive the Needle
Drive the needle into my eyes.
Inject the poison until I go blind.
Blind to the fact in which we all hate.
The love of pure insanity which now stands sane.
Fuck me vicious, until I have no soul that remains.
Drive that bullet, right through the middle and into my brain.
Take my ashes and swallow them down.
Then open your eyes for truly I am you ...
Drive the needle into my eyes.
Retract the glory that was once my mind.
Lead me over and into the waking truth of this world.
Let us go now, far beyond the other side of then.
So hate me fully, for I have disgraced all mankind.
When on that day I had murdered my only true love.
Please just end me here, at this tormented moment in time.
Inject all your hatred, into this once blissful mind ...
Come drive the needle into my heart.
Inject my body with but only ash and tar.
You cannot save me, for I do wish to remain damned.
Oh please drive the needle, into the center of my spine once again.
It Cuts In Deep
I feel so weak, lying – bleeding on the floor.
I want to sleep, to erase the memories of that whore.
I want to cut, all of those thoughts out of my head.
I need to wake up, and then try to prove that I'm not dead.
I do feel so weak, crying – weeping on the floor.
I want to wake up, and live not such a repetitive bore.
I know this chapter is turning, something new on its way.
In hell my soul is burning, but with that thought I feel okay.
It cuts in deep, into the Past that I once thought I had left behind.
I am so weak, lying on the floor, "bleeding – crying ..."
I am but only a fragmented recollection of our past.
Played again, for I had the audacity to glance back.
To watch my world burn, and become just a forgotten planet of ash.
Then as all our memories go, we need today to but only laugh.
"So scream my love," we have arrived here now at the end.
Drink it down as our minds flood, growing upon sadistic whims.
We reach out weeping, "please mother save us from the dark."
I feel so played again, and it's the same like all the many times before.
So abstract! This mind that is trying to forgive the harsh lesson of then.
So we are dead! And it is the same but only with a little less sin.
So what the Fuck! Can we here and now just let go and then fall away?
So I've been played again! "But this was never a fucking game!"
As She Gropes My Heart
Then it was a better, chance to free all of my tormented thoughts.
As when she spoke my name, now forgotten and with time was lost.
Who are we? The ones scratching at the surface but yet never to gain.
All of this life was spent searching, and still it continues beyond the grave.
Then as all my life was fleeting, I had opened my eyes so painful to see.
She was never truly an angel, but still to this day I wish that I could believe.
But she is just a demon, groping my heart there damned to hell.
Still the reasons remain, so very stagnant and overwhelmed.
For not that torment, it cuts inside and removes all hope.
She was once all of my life, but as of today we are both now ghosts.
But I do wish to stay, and I would maybe then find some greater lesson.
As then and now, seeping deeper, into the burning hell fires.
As our God can't save us, it is all left up to faith.
Hope of some better morning, as tomorrow is erased away.
It feels so damn cold, as she gropes my heart, there burning in hell.
It is as of now that we must say, "not-then holds the true meaning of our doubts."
The Shattered Planet
Our world is ending, so maybe this is it.
My mind is breaking, as I cut off my own skin.
To prove to you, that I am just that sick and twisted.
Our world is ending, so we need to only smile.
So come laugh with me at the end of the rope.
Please just say, that which I believe I already know.
Let us take that chance, and end this fucked up world of pain.
Come help me pull the trigger, as I step away.
My love I do believe I'm back now, and ready to take control.
I am just only a shell, but maybe this time the pieces might hold.
We are so very great, here as our tormented world comes to an end.
So let us escape this shattered planet, and find love once again.
"For onward moves the sands of time, into that yet to be ..."
Can you not see upon the lips of tragedy?
Taken to that place where all our secrets hide.
Then into the twisted, thought of that grave.
Has been spoken over, and still it ends the same.
Of a darkness that this soul wishes to no longer endure.
A fucked up notion which stands today as but a pointless bore.
For as of then, that moment when we had reached the light.
Only to find that truly we had gone blind.
"GOD HELP ME PLEASE TO FORGET THAT DAY!"
All of those hidden whispers, lain so gently into my ear.
Then as my fragile soul was raped, and my mind left in fear.
There is but now that conflict, eating me so beautifully insane.
For I shan't ever know the bliss of that which cannot be.
As then left to only bleed out, all the fragmented memories of then.
Still I can't forgive myself for my unending immortal sins.
It is brilliantly drawn, in chalk lain there in the back room ...
Oh fear not that sadistic moment, forgotten deep in the past.
Can you not see the truth upon the lips of that illustrated murder?
Held there in the open thought of all fact, and sadly is such.
Left to be only behind the page, cradled upon our thoughts of sanity.
A Candlewick Burnt
A candlewick burnt, and then this mind flooded deep with wax.
As for hours upon hours of digging, into the middle of the soft wrist.
It's taken then to that fact of naught, raped, beaten, shattered and lost.
So we scream for decades passed, still all the agony refuses to pass.
Please wake me there, at the true death of our mortal pride.
Place the last fragment of that memory, there behind the child's eyes.
And speak clearly of that one remaining chance for hope.
But still it cannot change the fact of this broken and tattered soul.
With a candlewick burnt, and then all light rushed out of this mind.
Forever into darkness shall we stay lost, eternally wandering through time.
It is that notion, of our futile attempt at trying to say that we can love.
It truly is dark here, within this soul that shall always be crushed.
Beaten, bruised, bleeding and dead, and still the wax is warm in my hands.
Red, it is bleeding out and soon shall we know that we lost our chance.
A candlewick burnt, life is gone, and we welcome death.
So Feel Me There
Feel me there, at the reconnection of this twisted line.
Push it deep until it bleeds, and let us laugh as we go blind
For what the fuck! And the truth is that we are at the end.
Please take me there, erase all care, and truly I am alone.
Break that answer at the tip of the smoldering blade.
Separate the flesh, to know that it is all the same.
Push God back in the reasons, to know who we truly are.
Left there waiting at the end, for all of this to start.
Please hate me now, for I am that demon from hell.
Love me now, then watch as all of what we are is gone.
For nothing to be yet always to bleed, away the knowledge of it.
So feel me there, without a care, to know the truth.
"We are now at the end ..."
Scream for me now, then watch as the boiling steam leaves.
So very cold within, but this might be a dream.
With troubles constant building, bringing forth that notion.
For this is the perfect moment to prove, "I truly am dead."
Of not that torment, which drives its way into my pain filled head.
This is that meaning, it makes so much sense here at this time.
And now that I come to think of it, all of those years I must have been blind.
For now I can see, the hourglass broken and we're running out of time.
Please scream for me now, then weep as you know it will not help.
Come visit me someday, here within the abysses of hell.
Now just take from me, all that could have ever meant a thing to her.
Then as the switch is thrown, we wish to but only learn.
There is no in between, it is at this moment, for all or naught.
There is no chance for me, now I realize my soul is lost.
There is no time to waste, the end now upon our lips.
There is but no hope left, hidden in-between the jagged stitch.
"And all is a miss, upon that final kiss, so my love goodbye."
"I Said I Would Laugh."
I said I would laugh, as the atom bombs fell.
I said I would save you, but was too overwhelmed.
I said that I would love you, until the very end of time.
I said that I'm sorry, but still the sorrow remains in mind.
You said that you would be there, to catch me as I fell.
I have fallen for ages, and have still yet to reach an end.
I want my heart to stop now, it is rusted and full of tar.
You said that you would be there, to save me from the dark.
I said that I would hold on, if it meant that I could keep you.
I said that we would be forever, that one single fact of the word.
I said that I would be there to protect you, but yet it was you I hurt.
I said that I would laugh, when our world comes to an end.
"We are all laughing now, so turn the page ..."
Excerpted from Wars of the Mind by Jonathan W. Haubert. Copyright © 2014 Jonathan W. Haubert. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
ContentsChapter 1 – Seeping Deeper,
Chapter 2 – Passed the Past ...,
Chapter 3 – A Forward Step Backwards,
Chapter 4 – Ending the World,
Chapter 5 – Silence Upon a Battlefield,
Chapter 6 – Beneath This Flesh,
Chapter 7 – Partly Through,
Chapter 8 – Psychosomatically,
Chapter 9 – At the Epicenter,
Chapter 10 – Sanity Mired,
Chapter 11 – 10-90,
Chapter 12 – Within a Decade,
Chapter 13 – Between Flesh & Bone,