The Ways We Love: A Developmental Approach to Treating Couples

The Ways We Love: A Developmental Approach to Treating Couples

by Sheila A. Sharpe

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Overview

This innovative volume delineates a developmental theory of love relationships that provides a comprehensive framework for treating couples. Drawing on 30 years of clinical experience, Sheila Sharpe conceptualizes marriage and other committed partnerships as comprising multiple patterns of relating that develop over time in a parallel, though interconnected, fashion. Seven universal patterns of intimate relating are identified: nurturing, merging, idealizing, devaluing, controlling, competing for superiority, and competing in love triangles. In this multifaceted formulation, each pattern has its origins in early development, is reworked in different ways throughout life, and expresses everyone's basic needs for both connection and separateness. The book describes common problems that couples encounter in the normal development of each pattern, as well as the kinds of defensive interactions that result when a couple's development is more seriously disrupted. Guided by this framework, clinicians learn ways to precisely assess and more effectively treat couples experiencing a wide range of difficulties. Clear, vivid clinical illustrations bring to life the entire process of therapy and demonstrate how the therapist's emotional reactions may be used to enhance treatment.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781593850197
Publisher: Guilford Publications, Inc.
Publication date: 10/08/2008
Series: Guilford Family Therapy Series
Edition description: New Edition
Pages: 372
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.83(d)

About the Author

Sheila A. Sharpe, PhD, specializes in psychotherapy with couples and individuals in private practice in La Jolla, California. Dr. Sharpe teaches in the Advanced Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy Program of the San Diego Psychoanalytic Society and Institute, and has published and presented widely on couple therapy.

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Contents
Introduction
I: Patterns of Connection
NURTURING
1. The Foundation of Loving
2. Cultural Myths and Marital Malnourishment
3. The Development of Nurturing: Common Treatment Problems
4. The Caretaker and the Needful Child: A Nurturing Collusion
MERGING
5. Closeness as Oneness
6. The Development of Merging: Common Treatment Problems
IDEALIZING
7. The Bedrock of Passion
8. The Development of Idealizing: Common Treatment Problems
9. The Adoring Parent and the Adorable Child: An Idealizing Collusion
II: Patterns of Separateness
DEVALUING
10. "You're No Good!"
11. The Development of Devaluing: Common Treatment Problems
12. The Judgmental Parent and the Guilty Child: A Blaming Collusion
CONTROLLING
13. Who's in Charge?
14. The Development of Controlling: Common Treatment Problems
COMPETING
15. Who's Better and Vying for Love
16. Winning, Losing, and Gender
17. Competing for Superiority: Development and Common Treatment Problems
18. Competing in Love Triangles: Development and Common Treatment Problems
19. Love Triangles in Couple Therapy

Table of Contents

Introduction
I: Patterns of Connection
NURTURING
1. The Foundation of Loving
2. Cultural Myths and Marital Malnourishment
3. The Development of Nurturing: Common Treatment Problems
4. The Caretaker and the Needful Child: A Nurturing Collusion
MERGING
5. Closeness as Oneness
6. The Development of Merging: Common Treatment Problems
IDEALIZING
7. The Bedrock of Passion
8. The Development of Idealizing: Common Treatment Problems
9. The Adoring Parent and the Adorable Child: An Idealizing Collusion
II: Patterns of Separateness
DEVALUING
10. "You're No Good!"
11. The Development of Devaluing: Common Treatment Problems
12. The Judgmental Parent and the Guilty Child: A Blaming Collusion
CONTROLLING
13. Who's in Charge?
14. The Development of Controlling: Common Treatment Problems
COMPETING
15. Who's Better and Vying for Love
16. Winning, Losing, and Gender
17. Competing for Superiority: Development and Common Treatment Problems
18. Competing in Love Triangles: Development and Common Treatment Problems
19. Love Triangles in Couple Therapy

Interviews

Therapists working with couples; advanced students of family therapy, clinical psychology, social work, and psychiatry. May serve as a text in advanced undergraduate and graduate-level courses on couple and family therapy.

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