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What The Hell Did I Just Read
     

What The Hell Did I Just Read

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It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf — it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from

Overview

It's the story "They" don't want you to read. Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. To quote the Bible, "Learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached." No, don't put the book back on the shelf — it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it. Yes, it works with e-books, too, I don't have time to explain how.

While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on. Together, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, lies, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they — like you — would be better off not knowing.

Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome — and, to be frank, stupid — cannot possibly be true. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for.

John Dies at the End's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" (Publishers Weekly) and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" (Washington Post). Now, New York Times bestselling author David Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
" Wong—in reality, Cracked.com executive editor Jason Pargin—burst onto the horror-comedy scene with his phantasmagorical novel John Dies at the End and has been steadily ratcheting up the madness ever since.... A frenetic, welcome return to Dave and John's grotesque but funny grindhouse nightmare." —Kirkus Reviews on What the Hell Did I Just Read

“Kevin Smith's Clerks meets H.P. Lovecraft in this exceptional thriller that makes zombies relevant again... From the dialogue to the descriptions, lines are delivered with faultless timing and wit. Wong never has to reach for comedy, it flows naturally with nary a stumble... the most pertinent story of the genre since George Romero's Dawn of the Dead... a tighter, more concentrated read than John Dies at the End... David Wong (Jason Pargin) is a fantastic author with a supernatural talent for humor. If you want a poignant, laugh-out-loud funny, disturbing, ridiculous, self-aware, socially relevant horror novel than This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously Dude, Don't Touch It is the one and only book for you.” —SF Signal

“The comedic and crackling dialogue also brings a whimsical flair to the story, making it seem like an episode of AMC's "The Walking Dead" written by Douglas Adams of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." ...Imagine a mentally ill narrator describing the zombie apocalypse while drunk, and the end result is unlike any other book of the genre. Seriously, dude, touch it and read it.” —Washington Post on This Book is Full of Spiders

“[A] phantasmagoria of horror, humor — and even insight into the nature of paranoia, perception, and identity.” —Publishers Weekly, starred review on This Book is Full of Spiders

“Violence, soy sauce and zombie survivalists abound in this clever and funny sequel to John Dies at the End (2009). One of the great things about discovering new writers, especially in the narrow range of hybrid-genre comedic novels, is realizing that they're having just as much fun making this stuff up as you are reading it. Sitting squarely with the likes of S.G. Browne and Christopher Moore, the pseudonymous Wong (Cracked editor Jason Pargin) must be pissing himself laughing at his own writing, even as he's giving fans an even funnier, tighter and justifiably insane entry in the series.... The humor here is unforced and good-naturedly gory. Anyone who enjoyed the recent films The Cabin in the Woods or Tucker & Dale vs. Evil will find themselves right at home. An upcoming (cult?) film adaptation of John Dies at the End promises to lure new readers. A joyful return to the paroxysms of laughter lurking in the American Midwest.” —Kirkus on This Book is Full of Spiders

“The rare genre novel that manages to keep its sense of humor strong without ever diminishing the scares; David is a consistently hilarious narrator whose one-liners and running commentary are sincere in a way that makes the horrors he confronts even more unsettling.” —The Onion AV Club on John Dies at the End

John Dies at the End is like an H.P. Lovecraft tale if Lovecraft were into poop and fart jokes. ” —Fangoria

“Sure to please the Fangoria set while appealing to a wider audience, the book's smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next.” —Publishers Weekly on John Dies at the End

“...strikes enough of a balance between hilarity, horror, and surrealism here to keep anyone glued to the story. ” —Booklist on John Dies at the End

“A loopy buddy-movie of a book with deadpan humor and great turns of phrase...Just plain fun.” —Library Journal on John Dies at the End

“You can (and will want to) read JOHN DIES AT THE END in one sitting.” —BookReporter.com

“Wong blends horror and suspense with comedy—a tricky combination—and pulls it off effortlessly.” —FashionAddict.com on John Dies at the End

“It's interesting, compelling, engaging, arresting and—yes—sometimes even horrifying. And when it's not being any of those things, it's funny. Very, very funny.” —January Magazine on John Dies at the End

“This is one of the most entertaining and addictive novels I've ever read.” —Jacob Kier, publisher, Permuted Press, on John Dies at the End

Library Journal
05/01/2017
The New York Times best-selling Wong returns to the blackly funny world of his thrillers John Dies at the End and This Book Is Full of Spiders, whose antiheroes now face a shape-shifter from another dimension that's grabbing local children.
Kirkus Reviews
2017-07-11
Dave, John, and Amy are back to kick supernatural ass and chew bubble gum. And they're all out of bubble gum. Wong (Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, 2015, etc.)—in reality, Cracked.com executive editor Jason Pargin—burst onto the horror-comedy scene with his phantasmagorical novel John Dies at the End (2009) and has been steadily ratcheting up the madness ever since. You really can't say he didn't warn you when his new book's first words are: "You want to hear a story? Well, buckle the fuck up." Here Wong revisits his weird Midwestern town (name undisclosed) that's much like the splatterpunk cousin of Welcome to Night Vale (2015). What starts as a kidnapping case—a little girl is taken by a paranormal entity calling itself "Nymph"—quickly spins out of control to include biker gangs, a secretive government agency, implanted memories, a flying bat creature, and a boss-level leviathan affectionately known as "Millibutt." "Let me give you a tip: if you're ever the victim of a terrible crime—like, say, your kid goes missing—and you see the cops consulting with a couple of white trash-looking dipshits in their late twenties, it's time to worry," Dave warns us. As crazy as things get, the book remains grounded via an apocalyptic rain storm (giving Nymph a nice Blade Runner-inspired monologue), Dave's stubborn reluctance to treat his depression, Amy's sensible charm, and John's ineffable, if meth-fueled, confidence. But before you think this is evolving into a domestic drama, bear in mind that it also features a porn star made of shape-shifting bug monsters, a DIY gun that shoots hellfire-laced dildos, and a T-shirt cannon packed with the Shroud of Turin. There's even the return of old favorites like Dr. Albert Marconi and the psychedelic drug Soy Sauce. Oh, and John dies. Again. A frenetic, welcome return to Dave and John's grotesque but funny grindhouse nightmare.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781250040206
Publisher:
St. Martin's Press
Publication date:
10/03/2017
Series:
John Dies at the End Series , #3
Pages:
384
Sales rank:
44,332
Product dimensions:
6.12(w) x 9.25(h) x (d)

Meet the Author

DAVID WONG is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin, New York Times bestselling author and executive editor at the hugely popular comedy site Cracked.com. His first book, John Dies at the End, lives forever as a cult-classic movie directed by Don Coscarelli, and his second, This Book is Full of Spiders, scares people on a daily basis.