What Went Right: Reframe Your Thinking for a Happier Now

by Eileen Bailey, Michael G. Wetter

Overview

Learn to change the self-critical stories in your mind and rewire your brain so that you gain the self-confidence to build more fulfilling relationships, careers, and social life.

Since childhood, our experiences and interactions have shaped the running narrative of who we are and how we view ourselves. When those interactions are painful, many of us have a tendency to internalize the negativity, translating mean or selfish messages given to us by family, friends, or teachers during our youth into truths about who we are—our flaws, failures, and shortcomings.

Through practical and easy-to-understand principles and techniques, What Went Right teaches you to recognize and intervene on self-defeating thought processes and uncover your core beliefs about who you really are. Through these exercises, you will learn how your thoughts drive feelings that influence your behaviors. By changing your thinking, you can unlock self-affirming feelings and actions needed to create your new life story and become the person you want to be.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781616496562
Publisher:	Hazelden Publishing
Publication date:	07/27/2016
Pages:	200
Product dimensions:	5.30(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in adolescent and adult populations. He has served as the Chief of Adult Psychiatry Services at Kaiser Permanente Medical Center, Hayward, Calif., and is a member of the clinical staff at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Dr. Wetter has been an expert consultant on television programs and newspapers including the Washington Post, the Boston Globe, and the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, and for such magazines as Men’s Health, Forbes, Prevention, and Redbook. In addition to having a private practice, Dr. Wetter trains professionals, lectures, and publishes extensively in professional journals on dialectical behavior therapy. He has extensive experience in issues pertaining to emotional dysfunction, diagnostic consultation, and program management. You can find him online at www.drwetter.com.

Eileen Bailey is a freelance writer specializing in mental and emotional health issues. She writes for several national health and wellness websites, and is the lead writer on topics like ADHD and anxiety, as well as on sexual health, skin care, and skin cancer. Ms. Bailey is also a contributing writer for ADDitude magazine online. She is the co-author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adult ADHD, Idiot’s Guide to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and The Essential Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xiii

Introduction: The Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem xv

How to Use This Book xvii

Chapter 1 Understanding Self-Esteem 1

Do You Have Healthy Self-Esteem? 3

Where Does Our Self-image Come From? 4

Other Challenges to Self-Esteem Besides Upbringing 6

How Does Your Self-image Affect Your Life Now? 7

Chapter 2 The Basics of Cognitive Restructuring 11

What Is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy? 12

Types of Problematic Thoughts 15

Automatic Thoughts 18

Understanding Core Beliefs 19

Making the Choice to Change 21

Quiz: What Would You Do (or Think)? 22

Chapter 3 Catastrophizing 27

Types of Catastrophizing 28

The Reasons You Catastrophize 30

Look for Evidence 32

Use the "What If…" Technique 33

Beware of Thought Chains 36

Tips for De-Catastrophizing 37

Chapter 4 All-or-Nothing Thinking 39

What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking? 40

All-or-Nothing Thinking and Self-Image 41

Words to Avoid 41

Learning to See the Gray 43

The Cost of Perfectionism 45

Tips for Avoiding AII-or-Nothing Thinking 47

Chapter 5 Should-and-Must Statements 49

Words to Avoid 51

How Must-erbations Affect Self-Esteem 51

Should-and-Must Thinking in Relationships 52

Tips for Changing Should-and-Must Thoughts 54

A Final Thought 58

Tips for Avoiding "Musts" and "Shoulds" 58

Chapter 6 Fortune Telling and Mind Reading 61

Predicting the Future 62

I Know What You Are Thinking 66

How Mind Reading and Fortune Telling Affect Your Feelings of Self-Worth 68

Changing Is Hard Work but Worthwhile 70

Tips for Reducing Mind Reading and Fortune Telling 71

Chapter 7 Emotional Reasoning 73

Emotional Reasoning and Self-Esteem 75

Challenging Core Beliefs 77

Balancing Emotion and Reason 78

Tips for Challenging Emotional Reasoning 82

Chapter 8 Overgeneralization 85

The Difference between All-or-Nothing Thinking and Overgeneralization 86

One Step Away from Disaster 88

How Over generalization Affects Your Relationships 90

Tips for Avoiding Overgeneralization 92

Chapter 9 Labeling 95

Labeling and Self-Esteem Issues 98

Facts versus Judgments 98

Be Kind to Yourself 100

Labeling Others 102

Tips for Avoiding Labels 104

Chapter 10 Mental Filtering and Disqualifying the Positive 107

Mental Filtering 108

Disqualifying the Positive 110

Accepting Compliments 111

Accepting Personal Strengths and Accomplishments 112

Mental Filtering, Disqualifying the Positive, and Self-Esteem 113

Tips for Tuning Your Mental Filter to See the Positive 116

Chapter 11 Personalization and Blame 119

Personalization 120

Questions to Ask Yourself 121

Blame 122

Identifying Blame Statements 126

Finding a Balance and Improving Your Self-Esteem 126

Tips for Avoiding Personalization and Blame 127

Chapter 12 Taking Personal Responsibility 129

Accept Past Actions and Behaviors 131

Forgive Yourself 132

Forgive Others 135

Steps to Forgiveness 137

Look Forward 138

Tips for Taking Responsibility When You Make Mistakes 139

Chapter 13 Redefining Yourself 141

Accepting Positive Qualities 142

Acceptance Doesn't Mean There Isn't Room for Improvement 145

What Do You Value? 147

Discovering Your Guiding Principles 148

Tips for Redefining Yourself 149

Chapter 14 Lifestyle Changes 151

Relaxation Techniques 152

Mindfulness 157

Other Meditation Techniques 158

Visualization and Guided Imagery 160

Affirmations 161

Diet and Exercise 161

Setting Goals 162

Keeping a Journal 162

Tips for Using Mindfulness and Other Practices for Making Lifestyle Changes 164

Chapter 15 Living the Confident Life 167

How Do You Practice? 168

Take Care of Body, Mind, and Soul 169

Create a Support Circle 173

Tips for Living the Confident Life 175

Chapter 16 Prepare for Setbacks 177

Road Construction Ahead 178

You Aren't Starting Over 179

Watch for Early Warning Signs 179

Create a Plan 180

Create a Setback Pack 181

Problem versus Solution Locus 182

Your Behavior Might Give You Away 184

Tips for Preparing for Setbacks 184

Chapter 17 Working with a Therapist 187

The Difference between Psychodynamic Therapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 188

Finding a Therapist 190

What to Expect from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 193

Evaluating Your Progress 196

Tips for Working with a Therapist 197

Epilogue 199

Appendix A Ten Websites to Better Understand Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 201

Appendix B Ten Websites to Help Grow Your Self-Esteem 203

Appendix C What Would You Do (or Think)? Quiz 205

Bibliography 211

About the Authors 215