Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction: The Benefits of a Healthy Self-Esteem xv
How to Use This Book xvii
Chapter 1 Understanding Self-Esteem 1
Do You Have Healthy Self-Esteem? 3
Where Does Our Self-image Come From? 4
Other Challenges to Self-Esteem Besides Upbringing 6
How Does Your Self-image Affect Your Life Now? 7
Chapter 2 The Basics of Cognitive Restructuring 11
What Is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy? 12
Types of Problematic Thoughts 15
Automatic Thoughts 18
Understanding Core Beliefs 19
Making the Choice to Change 21
Quiz: What Would You Do (or Think)? 22
Chapter 3 Catastrophizing 27
Types of Catastrophizing 28
The Reasons You Catastrophize 30
Look for Evidence 32
Use the "What If…" Technique 33
Beware of Thought Chains 36
Tips for De-Catastrophizing 37
Chapter 4 All-or-Nothing Thinking 39
What Is All-or-Nothing Thinking? 40
All-or-Nothing Thinking and Self-Image 41
Words to Avoid 41
Learning to See the Gray 43
The Cost of Perfectionism 45
Tips for Avoiding AII-or-Nothing Thinking 47
Chapter 5 Should-and-Must Statements 49
Words to Avoid 51
How Must-erbations Affect Self-Esteem 51
Should-and-Must Thinking in Relationships 52
Tips for Changing Should-and-Must Thoughts 54
A Final Thought 58
Tips for Avoiding "Musts" and "Shoulds" 58
Chapter 6 Fortune Telling and Mind Reading 61
Predicting the Future 62
I Know What You Are Thinking 66
How Mind Reading and Fortune Telling Affect Your Feelings of Self-Worth 68
Changing Is Hard Work but Worthwhile 70
Tips for Reducing Mind Reading and Fortune Telling 71
Chapter 7 Emotional Reasoning 73
Emotional Reasoning and Self-Esteem 75
Challenging Core Beliefs 77
Balancing Emotion and Reason 78
Tips for Challenging Emotional Reasoning 82
Chapter 8 Overgeneralization 85
The Difference between All-or-Nothing Thinking and Overgeneralization 86
One Step Away from Disaster 88
How Over generalization Affects Your Relationships 90
Tips for Avoiding Overgeneralization 92
Chapter 9 Labeling 95
Labeling and Self-Esteem Issues 98
Facts versus Judgments 98
Be Kind to Yourself 100
Labeling Others 102
Tips for Avoiding Labels 104
Chapter 10 Mental Filtering and Disqualifying the Positive 107
Mental Filtering 108
Disqualifying the Positive 110
Accepting Compliments 111
Accepting Personal Strengths and Accomplishments 112
Mental Filtering, Disqualifying the Positive, and Self-Esteem 113
Tips for Tuning Your Mental Filter to See the Positive 116
Chapter 11 Personalization and Blame 119
Personalization 120
Questions to Ask Yourself 121
Blame 122
Identifying Blame Statements 126
Finding a Balance and Improving Your Self-Esteem 126
Tips for Avoiding Personalization and Blame 127
Chapter 12 Taking Personal Responsibility 129
Accept Past Actions and Behaviors 131
Forgive Yourself 132
Forgive Others 135
Steps to Forgiveness 137
Look Forward 138
Tips for Taking Responsibility When You Make Mistakes 139
Chapter 13 Redefining Yourself 141
Accepting Positive Qualities 142
Acceptance Doesn't Mean There Isn't Room for Improvement 145
What Do You Value? 147
Discovering Your Guiding Principles 148
Tips for Redefining Yourself 149
Chapter 14 Lifestyle Changes 151
Relaxation Techniques 152
Mindfulness 157
Other Meditation Techniques 158
Visualization and Guided Imagery 160
Affirmations 161
Diet and Exercise 161
Setting Goals 162
Keeping a Journal 162
Tips for Using Mindfulness and Other Practices for Making Lifestyle Changes 164
Chapter 15 Living the Confident Life 167
How Do You Practice? 168
Take Care of Body, Mind, and Soul 169
Create a Support Circle 173
Tips for Living the Confident Life 175
Chapter 16 Prepare for Setbacks 177
Road Construction Ahead 178
You Aren't Starting Over 179
Watch for Early Warning Signs 179
Create a Plan 180
Create a Setback Pack 181
Problem versus Solution Locus 182
Your Behavior Might Give You Away 184
Tips for Preparing for Setbacks 184
Chapter 17 Working with a Therapist 187
The Difference between Psychodynamic Therapy and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 188
Finding a Therapist 190
What to Expect from Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 193
Evaluating Your Progress 196
Tips for Working with a Therapist 197
Epilogue 199
Appendix A Ten Websites to Better Understand Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 201
Appendix B Ten Websites to Help Grow Your Self-Esteem 203
Appendix C What Would You Do (or Think)? Quiz 205
Bibliography 211
About the Authors 215
