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What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety
     

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety

by Jaclyn Friedman
 

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In this empowering, accessible guide, Jaclyn Friedman—co-editor of Yes Means Yes—gives young women the tools to decipher the modern world’s confusing, hypersexualized, sometimes dangerous landscape so they can define their own sexual identity. Friedman decries the hypocrisy and mixed messages of our culture (we’re failures if we

Overview

In this empowering, accessible guide, Jaclyn Friedman—co-editor of Yes Means Yes—gives young women the tools to decipher the modern world’s confusing, hypersexualized, sometimes dangerous landscape so they can define their own sexual identity. Friedman decries the hypocrisy and mixed messages of our culture (we’re failures if we don’t act sexy, but we’re sluts if we actually pursue sex; we need to be protected from rapists lurking in bushes, but deserve “whatever we get” if we have a drink at a party and wear a skirt), and encourages readers to separate fear from fact, decode the damaging messages all around them, and discover a healthy personal sexuality.

Educational and interactive, What You Really Really Want includes revealing quizzes, creative exercises, and reality-based advice about sex and sexuality today. With Friedman’s informed advice to guide them, readers will build new skills for safely expressing their sexuality with lovers and explore effective ways to talk about tricky issues with family and friends—and learn how to make the world a little safer for everyone else’s sexuality along the way.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Don't have sex before you read this book! With her usual wit and candor, Friedman writes a manual for sex that teaches, engages, surprises and-most important-puts the reader in charge. What You Really Really Want will change the way a generation thinks (and acts!) about sex." —Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth

"Too many books in this genre promise certain drive-your-man-wild tricks, or they take a side in the politicized debate over hookup culture. Friedman instead has one thing on her agenda: Getting girls to explore and embrace their own authentic sexual identities without shame, fear or guilt. Instead of arguing for empowerment through one-night stands or, conversely, abstinence, she leaves it up to young women to decide what it is that’s best for them. But she also offers guidance along the way, urging them to critically examine the social pressures and media messages that have shaped their understandings of sexiness, sexual fulfillment and love." —Salon.com

"It is a book that many readers may wish they had read earlier in their lives, and as a prospective parent, I'm looking forward to making my children read every last word of it." —Rabble.CA

"While basically permissive, this valuable guide can also help readers with differing views to organize a personal groundwork according their own perspective. Recommended for women and older teens who seek self-insight." —Library Journal

In a world of Pussycat Dolls and virginity pledges, What You Really Really Want carves out a path for real women to have real sex on their own terms. The information and exercises in this book have the power to change your sex life for good." —Susie Bright, activist, author of Big Sex Little Death

"There is more significant, sex-positive, shame-free, life-changing knowledge in a few pages of this book than you'll find in the entire public school sex education curriculum." —Tristan Taormino, sex educator, author of The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation

Library Journal
Friedman's mantra is "You can't get what you want 'till you know what you want." Designed for young women who want to say "yes" at least sometimes, this guide speaks to those unsure about their sexual future or regretful about their sexual past. In coaxing readers to figure out answers for themselves, Friedman (coauthor, Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape) covers a lot of ground: family and societal influence on attitudes, personal values, intuition, discrimination and "prudes vs. sluts" stereotyping, physical safety and safer sex, conversations about sex with partners and others, managing emotions, paybacks, and making amends. Most valuable are the exercises, largely relating to journaling, such as imagining and writing out different endings for past experiences and listing possible risks and outcomes for various choices. Resources (many web based) are listed throughout. VERDICT While basically permissive, this valuable guide can also help readers with differing views to organize a personal groundwork according their own perspective. Recommended for women and older teens who seek self-insight.—Martha Cornog, Philadelphia

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781580054300
Publisher:
Da Capo Press
Publication date:
10/25/2011
Sold by:
Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
256
Sales rank:
720,401
File size:
769 KB

Meet the Author

Jaclyn Friedman is a writer, performer, and activist, and the editor of the hit book Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape (one of Publishers Weekly’s Top 100 Books of 2009).

Friedman also holds a master’s degree in creative writing from Emerson College. She has been a guest on Democracy Now!, BBC’s The World Tonight, To the Contrary, The Brian Lehrer Show, GRITtv, and numerous other radio and television shows, and her commentary has appeared in outlets including CNN, The Washington Post, The Nation, Jezebel, Feministing.com, The American Prospect, Bitch, AlterNet, and The Huffington Post. She is a SheSource.org expert and a Progressive Women’s Voices alumna, and she was named one of 2009’s “Top 40 Progressive Leaders Under 40” by the New Leaders Council. She is also a founder and the Executive Director of Women, Action&the Media, a national organization working for gender justice in media.

Friedman currently writes a weekly column on pop culture, sexuality, and sexual violence for Amplify, a site devoted to promoting healthy sexuality for young people.

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