When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse

by Lundy Bancroft

Overview

Written by a therapist who specializes in abusive men, this guide reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children—and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?

Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Whether it’s physical or “just” emotional abuse, whether it’s aimed at them or you, whether they see or hear it, your kids need you.

This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:

• Protect children and help them heal emotionally
• Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
• Increase their chances of winning custody
• Help their kids feel good about themselves

“A must-read for every mother who has been abused...it offers the knowledge women need to protect their children and help them heal.”—William S. Pollack, Ph.D., author of the national bestseller Real Boys

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780425200315
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	03/01/2005
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	384
Sales rank:	204,612
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.00(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?. Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad.

Table of Contents

When Dad Hurts MomPreface

One: Partner Abuse Through Children's Eyes and Ears

Part I: The Abusive Man and Your Children
Two: The Abusive Mindset and Children
Three: Abusive Men as Parents
Four: Understanding Your Children's Inner World
Five: Protecting your Children's Boundaries

Part II: The Abusive Man and Family Dynamics
Six: A Weekend with the Abbott Family
Seven: Defending Your Role as Mother
Eight: Maintaining Healthy Dynamics in Your Family
Nine: To Leave or Not to Leave
Ten: Dealing with Child Protective Services

Part III: The Abusive Man and Your Children Post-Separation
Eleven: What Separation and Divorce Mean for Your Children
Twelve: Abusive Men as post-Separation Parents
Thirteen: making your Way in the Family Court System

Part IV: Children Moving Forward
Fourteen: Helping Your Children Heal
Fifteen: Empowering your Children
Sixteen: Stopping the Cycle of Abuse

Resources
Hearing the Personal Accounts of Abused Mothers
Index

Editorial Reviews

If you have a child who has seen or heard abuse, this book is for you.”—Patricia Evans, author of Teen Torment: Overcoming Verbal Abuse at Home and at School

“The perfect, long-awaited guide for mothers who have been abused…also essential reading for every social worker, custody evaluator, guardian ad litem, custody attorney, child protection worker, and judge.”—Joan Zorza, Esq., editor, Domestic Violence Report

“The system to protect the abused is seriously flawed. Bancroft helps mothers win the battle using the court’s rules while empowering them to write new ones.”—The Cleveland Plain Dealer

“A gift to mothers who are in abusive relationships. With exceptional compassion and deep understanding, Lundy Bancroft helps abused mothers understand how their children are affected by an abuser’s attitude and behavior, and empowers them to…help their children heal…I strongly recommend the book to mothers who are currently being abused or who have been abused in the past, as well as to therapists who work with abused women and their children.”—Beverly Engel, MFT, author of The Emotionally Abused Woman and Loving Him Without Losing You
 
“Wonderful—this book covers the most important concerns facing an abused mother, in a friendly and compassionate tone that helps women avoid self-blame, while empowering them to promote their children’s well-being.”—Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D., psychologist, Siena College

From the Publisher