Who's Been Sleeping In Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasy

Who's Been Sleeping In Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasy

by Brett Kahr


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780465037667
Publisher: Basic Books
Publication date: 01/28/2008
Pages: 512
Product dimensions: 6.30(w) x 9.20(h) x 1.80(d)

About the Author

Brett Kahr is a Senior Clinical Research Fellow in Psychotherapy and Mental Health at the Centre for Child Mental Health in London. He writes frequently for British newspapers, including the Independent on Sunday, the Sunday Express, and the Stage, and lectures all around the world. His research on sexual fantasy began when he was asked to consult on a six-part documentary on the subject that aired on England's Sky Television. This is his first trade book. He lives in London, England.

Table of Contents

A Note on Caution and Confidentiality xi

Introduction: On the Couch at 7:00 A.M. 1

Part 1 The Secret Cinema in Our Minds

1 Why We Make Love with the Lights Out 15

2 The Science of Psychological Fingerprints 25

3 The Intra-Marital Affair: Staging Our Private Theater 69

Part 2 A Cornucopia of Fantasies

4 Fantasy 101: Tales of Ordinary Explicitness 111

5 Group Formations: Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes 123

6 Cheating: When the Intra-Marital Meets the Extramarital 134

7 I'm Ready for My Close-Up: Fantasies of Celebrities 143

8 Is Your Wife a Lesbian? Is Your Husband Homosexual? Is Your Gay Lover Really Straight? 164

9 On Genital Exhibitionism 186

10 The Erotic Smorgasbord: Fetishism, Transvestism, Homeovestism, and Other Forms of Object-Love 194

11 Humiliation and the Infliction of Shame 201

12 Incest: Do We Really Fancy Our Family? 222

13 Can I Be Arrested for My Fantasies? Extreme Sexual Violence 242

14 Teenagers and Children 253

15 Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice 260

Part 3 The Origins of Sexual Fantasy

16 The Underbelly of the Normal Fantasy: Erotic Freedom or Sublimated Sadism? 269

17 "They've Scraped Out My Soul": Struggling with Shame and Humiliation 289

18 Case History: Paris and the Ginger Public Hair 312

19 The Traumatic Roots of Sexual Fantasy 330

20 The Fourteen Functions of Sexual Fantasy 356

21 The Mysterious Boxing Gloves, Or, Can Fantasies Be Trauma-Free? 378

Part 4 Sexual Fantasies and The Outside World

22 Do Fantasies Ruin Relationships? 399

23 Normality and Perversion in the Bedroom and the Boardroom 417

24 Sanctum Sanctorum, Or, Probing the Unprobable430

Appendix The Sexual Fantasy Research Questionnaire 453

Acknowledgments 477

Announcement: The Sexual Fantasy Research Project 484

Index 485

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Who's Been Sleeping In Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasy 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 2 reviews.
M.Campanella on LibraryThing 28 days ago
With this book, Bret Kahr has written something that i cant help but feel needed to be written. As a person living after the sexual revolution, i could not help but notice that people were still extraordinarily iffy about their fantasies. It felt to me as if it was one of those topics, like premarital sex before Kinsey, that everyone had a hand in but no one dared discuss. To see someone tackling the issue was wonderful.The book had a large flaw, as i see it. While it is good to see that the author spent a large portion of the first part of the book discussing various types of fantasies and how many people share them, I think he could have done this in a more abridged manner. I have spoken with many people who, after revealing a perfectly common and perhaps normal fantasy, have said to me 'If anyone knew i thought that, they would...'. These are the people that need that section. But anyone who comes from that conservative a mindset will probably not read this book. What I felt the book need was more case studies, specifically at least one per genre of fantasy. I bough this book, foolishly perhaps, hoping that in his discussing of fantasies I would gleam something about myself. And while i did learn some very useful things, the book fell short of my hopes. Had he done more case studies in his book, with at least some resembling mine, it would have been more helpful. This is probably selfish and foolish. If there is one thing that i have taken away from reading this it is that fantasies are in there nature highly personal. Still, one can hope, right?Brett Kahr certainly deserves a lot of credit on writing a book that is incredible accessible even to those of us who know very little about psychology. I never felt overwhelmed reading this. But ultimately, the most definitive thing he had to say about sexual fantasies is that they are common. Anyone who has ever cruised the internet for erotic literature already knows that anything they can think up has been thought up before by someone else. And this felt like a shame. But i am certainly glad i read this. And will certainly tell others to read it.
EssFair on LibraryThing 5 months ago
Kahr is a British psychotherapist who researched sexual fantasy by surveying 23,000 men and women. In this book, he reports on the results of his research and discusses the subjects of the fantasies and how they become fantasies. This is a book for adults¿the fantasies are sexually explicit. Kahr provides real life samples of different types of fantasies gleaned from his survey. He then provides a psychological discussion of the fantasies. His ultimate goal is to unmask the myths behind the fantasies and to help people accept their fantasies without guilt. He includes a chapter on possibly dangerous types of fantasies.