WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE HER BEFORE?: a memoir about dying to live

WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE HER BEFORE?: a memoir about dying to live

by Beth Cramer


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"…this keenly observed memoir delicately balances humor and heartache while signaling the importance of each passing moment. A profoundly moving remembrance that’s alternately sad and uplifting.”--KIRKUS

In the fall of 2017, Beth Cramer went to a doctor for heartburn and came home with seven samples of Prilosec and stage 4 ovarian cancer. Over the next several months Cramer was in and out of hospitals and doctors’ offices with her three fearless sisters, parents, husband and son by her side. However, it was through her diagnosis and impending death that she was finally set free from an obsession and debilitating regret that had defined nearly a quarter of her life.

Irreverent, painfully honesty and often hilarious, Why Didn’t I Notice Her Before? Is a beautifully observed memoir that finds courage and humor in the face of undefeatable odds. It questions the importance of regret and life choices, and it explores motherhood, marriage, friendship, and family while examining the elusive questions we all grapple with. Why me? What am I living for? And who can I negotiate with to make my life and legacy more meaningful than driving a carpool?

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781733375207
Publisher: Beth Cramer
Publication date: 08/10/2019
Pages: 238
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.54(d)

About the Author

Beth Cramer is an accomplished editor and director of independent films, commercials and music videos. Her award-winning documentary "Plan B, Single Women Choosing Motherhood," explores the social picture single motherhood presents and the reason this trend is snowballing among women in their thirties and forties. In 2017 Cramer was diagnosed with stage IV Ovarian Cancer and her memoir, Why Didn't I Notice Her Before?, documents her experience as a mother, wife, sister and daughter through her diagnosis. Today, Cramer lives with her husband and son in the Hudson Valley and spends her time writing and creating.

Table of Contents


Preface 3

  1. A Spring Termination 5

  2. The Vision 9

  3. The Eclipse 19

  4. Cancer All Mine 26

  5. Homecoming 43

  6. How Long? 48

  7. Depression Cancer 52

  8. The Wig 56

  9. Should I Fight? 59

  10. Letting Go 66

  11. Soul School 69

  12. The Mediport 73

  13. Advice 77

  14. The Nutritionist, Homeopath, 82 and Oncologist

  15. Dear Parents 89

  16. Hair 93

  1. Enemy Forces 97

  2. Marijuana Lady 99

  3. Parenting My Dog 105

  4. Color War 110

  5. Mornings Like This 112

  6. Ten Reasons 117

  7. Travel the Illusion 122

  8. Sex 126

  9. Faith 129

  10. Milestones 133

  11. Legacy Box 138

  12. New Year’s Eve 142

  13. Surgery 147

  14. What’s Happening at Home 151

  15. FaceTime 154

  16. Mom Steals the Show 156

  17. I Can’t Live Without You 161

  18. Radiology Friends 165

  19. Playing the C Card 169

  20. Have a Great Day 172

  21. Fuck It 175

  22. Cycle for Survival 179

  23. Seventh and Final Infusion 183

  24. Most Wanted 186

  25. Results 190

  26. Passover 197

  27. Something Like Remission 202

  28. Last One Standing 208

  29. Shema 218

Epilogue 223

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