Nearly every day I hear people screaming and yelling at me to hurt myself or kill myself. They tell me that I have to die because I have Autism and they tell me that I am worthless and pathetic because I am Autistic. They yell at me and say I am never going to amount to anything and everyone hates me because I am autistic. They tell me time and time again throughout the day that in order for me to stay alive I must be neurotypical.
The yelling is so loud and it scares me. When I am not around neurotypical people my age they yell louder and start hitting me. They tell me that I have to be neurotypical or they are going to come after me. I hear them when I am awake and sometimes when I am sleeping.
There are 43 Voices I hear right now. They tell me that they will make it their life long goal to kill me because I am Autistic. When I try to run from them and hide they follow me. They usually follow me everywhere. The only time I can get a break from the voices is when I am around a neurotypical person my age or interacting with someone who is neurotypical my age.
Today they were telling me to light myself on fire by pouring gasoline all over myself and lighting a match. The only way that I could not light a match and catch myself on fire was if I could get my friend to text me back. I knew that I was having a hallucination but the yelling just kept getting louder and louder. It starts with one person screaming and yelling and then another person takes their turn. Then the next person starts in. Sometimes all 43 voices are yelling at me and telling me that I need to hurt myself because I am autistic. I try so hard to remind myself that it is just a hallucination and it is not real. I try to talk to them and ask them to leave me alone but they just keep yelling.
This is my life. This is what every day can be like. While there are times when I do not have psychotic episodes there are many times where I have a hard time functioning and a difficult time knowing what is real or not real. This book explores what some of the hallucinations and delusions I have are.
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.14(d)|
|Age Range:||1 - 17 Years|