Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type

Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type

by Helen Fisher
4.3 26

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Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type by Helen Fisher

A groundbreaking book about how your personality type determines who you love

Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another? In this fascinating and informative book, Helen Fisher, one of the world's leading experts on romantic love, unlocks the hidden code of desire and attachment. Each of us, it turns out, primarily expresses one of four broad personality types—Explorer, Builder, Director, or Negotiator—and each of these types is governed by different chemical systems in the brain. Driven by this biology, we are attracted to partners who both mirror and complement our own personality type.

Until now the search for love has been blind, but Fisher pulls back the curtain and reveals how we unconsciously go about finding the right match. Drawing on her unique study of 40,000 men and women, she explores each personality type in detail and shows you how to identify your own type. Then she explains why some types match up well, whereas others are problematic. (Note to Explorers: be prepared for a wild ride when you hitch your star to a fellow Explorer!) Ultimately, Fisher's investigation into the complex nature of romance and attachment leads to astonishing new insights into the essence of dating, love, and marriage.

Based on entirely new research—including a detailed questionnaire completed by seven million people in thirty-three countries—Why Him? Why Her? will change your understanding of why you love him (or her) and help you use nature's chemistry to find and keep your life partner.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781429982672
Publisher: Holt, Henry & Company, Inc.
Publication date: 01/20/2009
Sold by: Macmillan
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 367,179
File size: 2 MB

About the Author

Helen Fisher, Ph.D., one of the world's leading experts on the nature of romantic love and attachment, is the chief scientific adviser to Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She is the author of four previous books, two of which—The First Sex and The Anatomy of Love—were New York Times Notable Books. A research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, she lives in New York City.

Dr. Helen Fisher, referred to by Time magazine as “the queen mum of romance research,” is an internationally renowned biological anthropologist and one of the world’s leading experts in the science of human attraction. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, she studies the brain in love. And with her long-standing research, she helped develop one of the fastest-growing online relationship sites, Chemistry.com, a subsidiary of Match.com. Introduced in February 2006, Chemistry.com features the Chemistry Personality Test and Matching System, both developed by Fisher. To date, more than seven million people have taken the test, which is available in forty countries. In addition to serving as the chief scientific adviser for Chemistry.com, Fisher has authored four books and many articles in scientific journals and popular magazines. Her perspective on love, sexuality, women, and gender differences is regularly featured in major news outlets, including The Today Show, CNN, National Public Radio, BBC, and The New York Times. As a research professor in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University, she focuses on the role of biology in human sex, love, and marriage.

Fisher’s widely anticipated book Why Him? Why Her? (Henry Holt and Company; January 20, 2009) proves her scientific hypotheses about why we are attracted to one person rather than another. Why Him? Why Her? follows Fisher’s 2004 book, Why We Love (Henry Holt), which was translated into sixteen languages. It discussed her research on the brain physiology, evolution, and worldwide expression of romantic love. In her 1999 book, The First Sex: The Natural Talents of Women and How They Are Changing the World—which received the New York Times Book Review Notable Book award and was published in fourteen languages—she discussed gender differences in the brain and behavior, and the impact of women on twenty-first-century business, sex, and family life. Fisher’s other books include Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray (1992), also a New York Times Notable Book, with nineteen foreign-language editions; and The Sex Contract: The Evolution of Human Behavior (1982), translated into five languages. Her articles have appeared in The Journal of Comparative Neurology, Journal of Neurophysiology, Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, The Journal of NIH Research, Psychology Today, Natural History, New Scientist, The New York Review of Books, The Chronicle of Higher Education, and many other journals, magazines, and books.

Fisher received her PhD in biological anthropology at the University of Colorado with a dissertation on the evolution of human female sexuality and the origin of the nuclear family. She has been on the national lecture circuit since 1983. Lectures include speeches at the American Museum of Natural History, Smithsonian Institution, World Economic Forum (Davos), TED, LeWeb, Harvard Medical School, the United Nations, the Salk Institute, American Psychiatric Association, the Brookings Institution, American Press Institute, American Society of Newspaper Editors, and Fortune magazine, as well as academic and business conferences in the United States, Canada, Europe, and Asia. For her work in communicating anthropology to the lay public, Fisher has received the American Anthropological Association’s Distinguished Service Award.

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Why Him? Why Her? 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 25 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found this book very insightful into the way that different people work. Personally, I've always been very intuitive & have easily read people. However, because I tend to be on the emotional side, I've often been confused when people react differently than I do to the same situation. This book also gave me some insight into the best way to interact with people who relate to situations differently than I do. I went through a rough break up a few years ago - being able to understand what type of person my ex is & why it didn't work was quite intriguing. Definitely worth the read!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This was a very informative and interesting book. I saw my and my husband's personalities! We are both builders! If you are interested in "what makes people tick", this is your book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
kaitlynlenhart More than 1 year ago
it was pretty informative
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great read i enjoyed this book a lot !
ngangy More than 1 year ago
I have to admit that I skipped over this book in the years that it's been out. My quick scan in the bookstore caught similarities to personality categories with new labels. It seemed like just another attempt to recycle advice and capitalize on our wishes and dreams. I was wrong. This is not a self-help or dating book! (Though it does well there, too.) Anthropologist Helen Fisher sought to find a biological explanation for how we discriminate in our mate choices, and the result is this highly readable story of exploration with theory based on solid, well-established chemistry. It is not based on idealism but on what is actually happening in relationships. Fans of John Gottman will find this a wonderful complement to the workings of relationships.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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dublinmarial More than 1 year ago
The book describes personality types (Explorer, Builder, Director, Negotiator); has a test for determining Primary and Secondary personality type: discusses relationship among these four types. I understand myself so much better. I understand the difficulties in previous relationships. I avoid certain personality types. I know the quid pro quo that works between my personality type and others. Dr. Fisher is an anthropologist so her theories are premised on experimental fact. Anyone in a relationship, or seeking a relationship would benefit from this book. This book is among a very few that has had a powerful positive effect on my life. Thank you Dr. Fisher
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
kristen930 More than 1 year ago
I had first seen Dr. Fisher online at TED. com where she lectures about how love effects the brain. She mentions that she will be working on a book which records her findings on compatibility and personality and how these factors effect love and dating. This book is the product of her research. I found it to be very informative and enjoyable to read. She splits the book up into sections that easily flow from analyzing each personality type to how the personalities act toward eachother in relationships. She is thorough and easy to understand, as well as extremely accurate in her findings. The personality test is included in the second chapter, and the results are dead on, at least in my case. Overall, I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about their own personality and the psychology behind dating and relationships. Great read.
slimikin More than 1 year ago
While I enjoyed reading Dr. Helen Fisher's theories of romance, I can't say I'm entirely convinced. Parts of her argument read as rather circular, and her description of the four categories---Explorer, Builder, Director, and Negotiator---was frequently uneven. She wrote about her own two categories with a great deal more insight and sympathy than the two categories she's not. And while I can certainly understand why that might be the case, I would have had a bit more respect for her research if she'd been able to overcome her own bias while elaborating on all the types. Still, her perspective certainly provides some food for thought, and I found the chapters targeting the biology of how we meet and choose those we love fascinating.
Melancholia More than 1 year ago
I read this book very quickly and found it the perfect antidote to a very difficult time I was experiencing with a man I loved. I learned a tremendous amount about both of us and about many other loves of my life. I felt very inspired and well informed by Helen Fisher who is one of the smartest people writing about love. I highly recommend it; it will give you new insights and good ideas for how best to conduct the most important of journeys, that of loving others and yourself.
MotivatedMomma More than 1 year ago
This book was so informative and I am currently married. It was introduced to me by a friend looking for love. I think everyone should read this to find out about their OWN personality and others around them. It will give you GREAT insight on your family members, coworkers, loved ones, friends, potential mates, etc. It is good for so much more than just finding love, it could lead you to better communication skills, better job hunting skills and so much more. Just being able to understand the different personality types and how they interact with each other is monumental. Helen breaks it down in such a simple, truthful, genuine, non-voodoo way that helps you understand yourself and be proud of who you are. You can also see the danger zones and know how to approach them. I LOVE THIS BOOK! (Obviously) :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book was a fun read. A lot of good informatin to start some interesting conversatins. I passed the book on to my grandaughter and her fiance and they are reading it. I hope it will inspire some interesting conversations that will help them understand each other.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
An excellent read about the different personality types of people. Good to know when foraying into the big, bad world of dating--and first dates--ekk! I learned quite about about myself, the men out there and dating, in general. A helpful book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed this book and couldn't put it down! I am very interested in personalities and relationships so this book was perfect for me. I learned a lot and found myself identifying my loved ones primary personality types as I read! It helped me understand myself better and those I am close too. I loved this book and will probably reference it time and time again!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in why we are romantically attracted to certain people, and to anyone who would like to just learn more about yourself. From my experience, the author is amazingly accurate in her research and her conclusions about the four personality types and how certain types are attracted to, and mesh with, other types. The book was incredibly fascinating to me, and definitely helped me to understand why I have made the choices that I have made, why some relationships worked out the way they did. I would have liked more in depth discussion of this subject in the book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I can recognize the different personality types in some people that I know. The book was well written and very interesting. She bases her theories on the four different personality types and from there explains why we each choose our mates the way we do. Awesome! She is a great author and I hope she will write more great books like that one.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I can recognize the different personality types in some people that I know. The book was well written and very interesting.