When he left, he took a huge piece of me I will never get back. He brought me to my faith and has given me light through this darkness. In this I have realized you left something even bigger here on earth, and it is my job to share it. My son’s purpose, his life, his memory, his voice have become my passion. This storm has brought me to my knees. I have looked fear in the eyes, and this monster that took my baby, I have to choose to face it!
My son left this earth on January 16, 2016, but he is still alive through me. He gave me life, he brought me back to life, and he has shown me what he was brought into this world to do and why God made me his mom. The year 2015 was full of sadness, heartache, and loss. Now 2016 began that way, but I chose to not look at it that way anymore. Rhett’s death brought me out of the darkness, and he brought me back to life! I have never felt more alive.
When I am telling his story, I can feel him making my voice louder. I will not stop until every parent knows my story and hears my son’s voice. I want people to see how his life, legacy, and memory are shining through me because I chose to fight this fight.
Every baby deserves to wake up. Every baby deserves to have their story told and their name screamed from the rooftops! I will be their voice. I will be their light. I am coming alive for the babies that can’t!
Gage, your wings were ready, but my heart was not. You are my saving grace.
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Read an Excerpt
Wings of Roo
The Invisible Monster
By Olivia Belle
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2016 Olivia Belle
All rights reserved.
As a young girl being outside, feeling the sun and finding adventure was my playtime. Each flower would be picked and every petal pulled. Time stood still with no worries, cares, or risk of not knowing what's next. We depend on our parents for that. They know what were supposed to wear, eat, schools to attend, friends to pick, why are noses are running, and what medicine to take when we're are sick. You never expect the unexpected as when you're young. The world is our playground and to us we are the rulers in just much smaller bodies. Olivia, could sit outside for hours looking up into the clouds seeing which looked like hearts, and which were giant bunnies hopping over each other. The clouds had meaning and looked like big fluffy bags of cotton candy! Her favorite I might add. Running in her Nannie's front yard, hiding behind every tall oak tree listening to the squirrels and birds rustle through the woods. Nanny would always make sure she had a mason jar sitting outside with just the right amount of holes in the lids so all of her critters she would catch had a home for the evening. Soon the sun would begin to set and the clouds in the sky would turn a fusion pink. That's when the crickets would begin to chirp, and the lightening bugs would make their appearance in her giant world. She would bring all her new finds in the house for her Nanny to see and they one by one would describe how different they each were. Butterflies were Nannie's favorite. The red, orange, and yellow with the white polka dots. They would be in different sizes each time we caught them. Nanny would always remind Olivia not to touch the wings because it takes away some of their angel dust on their wings that help them fly. Olivia never understood what her Nanny meant, but would their wings just as she was told.
Morning would come, and Olivia would run to the living room where her Nanny would be drinking coffee. She would always eat a peppermint after her coffee and the smell of peppermint and coffee is a smell Olivia will never forget. Outside they would go and the countdown would begin. 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!! Lids came off the mason jars and out came the butterflies. The colors of each butterfly were so bright and never dull. They were so beautiful and elegant flying into the sky. Nanny would tell her "and back to heaven they go". Olivia never understood why the butterflies went to heaven but her Nanny was a person she knew would never tell her a lie. Watching the butterflies as each disappeared, the sun felt warm, the grass was green, birds were singing their morning songs loudly, and the red cardinal sat very still. Nanny always told her that when a red cardinal appeared a loved that has passed is near and watching. Though Olivia loved spending time with her Nanny, going home to her mom and sisters was always something she looked forward to. As children grandparents spoil us, they teach us things others can't, and they give us perspective on the world that every child should see.
Olivia grew older and her world began to spin her into a young woman. Between sports, school, friends, and boys her light began to fade with age. In the year 2009 she got her first heartbreak. It was a feeling she had never felt, it made her sick. The world as she knew it began to change. The sun wasn't as bright, flowers didn't have smell, colors were dull, her smile didn't exist. She began to question every aspect of what this world was really about. It was cruel, ugly, and mean. Her heart began to harden and she began to slip into a darkness that seemed like a never ending tunnel. She felt numb to pain and at times she felt outside her body as if she wasn't really there. The years went by and she met another boy who she began to fall for, she loved hard and gave that love her all. She gave up her dream of being a vet and going to school to travel with him to see new places. This decision was something that ate at her every day. It was all she ever wanted to do was save animals. Every year another one of her peers would graduate and she was still stuck with the hand of cards she felt she was forced to settled with. Little did she know there was a little adventure growing inside her that would change her life forever.CHAPTER 2
May 11, 2011 Olivia sat on the edge of the hospital bed at Wood Heights Medical Center in Lula, Texas. Shaking in fear, her nurse Natalia held her hands trying to help her control her breath through her tears. "Breathe Olivia, you can do this!" She kept saying over and over. The anesthesiologist began the epidural into Olivia's spine and the pain at that time was excruciating. Squeezing her nurse's hands ever so tightly, 15 mins went by and the contractions were getting harder but Olivia felt nothing. It was time to push and Olivia at the age 20, was going to be a mother. 12:26p.m, after 4 hard pushes, a beautiful baby boy took his first breath into this world. Gage was born and was laid onto her naked chest. Skin to Skin he began to nuzzle and find his way to his mother's breast. It was at this moment she felt something inside her slow down, she felt her heartbeat again, she felt love. Gage was the start of an adventure and she had no idea how she was going to survive. Being a mom is such a blessing and gift that God created to show pure love. The love between a mother and her child is a love no one can break or take away. He taught Olivia so much in the first few years of his little life and she began to grow into a woman that she needed to be to raise him into a little gentleman. 2013 came to soon and just before his 2nd birthday, God began to give her battles and she didn't understand why. February 15th, her Nanny was called home to heaven. A darkness came over Olivia and this time it brought out so many emotions, she didn't understand why God would take something so important to her. Why would God take a woman that knew so much? Why would God take a woman that she needed in her life to get her through tough times? Why would God take her Nanny? She hurt so much and cried to the point she was numb. Her heart felt nothing and she couldn't tell the difference in day and night. She knew she had to keep pushing, she had to be strong for Gage. He needed her the way she needed her Nanny. Olivia found light in little things where she felt maybe it would bring pieces of her Nanny back to her. She had gotten her Nanny months before her death, a wind chime with a purple butterfly on it. Her mom felt she should have it and Olivia kept it close to her. In the mornings as she drinks her coffee and as the wind blows the chime it sings the most beautiful sounds. Those mornings, closing her eyes Olivia can feel her Nanny singing to her and she could see each memory, each moment in her life with her nanny.CHAPTER 3
After getting married that same year and finding a new start for her family, Olivia day by day tried to fill the empty space she felt inside her. Her poker face got better with time and the more she tried to reach up for help, the deeper she would fall into the emptiness inside her heart. She found herself in a toxic on going marriage with a man that just couldn't see the change that needed to happen. With each amour, she began to break down to a person she wasn't. Olivia fought hard for her family and didn't want to give up so her son wouldn't go through life without his father at home. She herself grew up in a divorce family and the toll it took on her had a huge effect on her mentally. She never put her happiness before her son or her husband. Being happy was something she began to feel just wasn't meant for her. Olivia blamed herself for always forgiving him, always letting him back in. This was the hand she was dealt and she settled with it. Never feeling like she was good enough, never pretty enough, or skinny enough. She came second to almost everything. Becoming numb to the pain and heartache by this man she knew in her heart she just couldn't do this anymore. He would just wait and right before she would break he knew Olivia would still fight for her son. Lying awake at night going over every detail, analyzing each moment asking herself what can she do to save her marriage? How can she make this man change, love and respect her? Months went by, heartache continued and farther she fell. A storm she couldn't see her way through was beginning to occur more and more. She had to get out, she had to leave to save not only herself but her son. Praying each night, begging God to give her the answer she needed and for guidance on what path to take. She chose to give it one more chance, she believed in change and that if a man really wanted to they would. continued to destroy her for his own selfish pleasures This man didn't believe his wrong doings suffered consequences. Having his cake and eating it to seemed to be something he enjoyed. Olivia was his porcelain doll he kept on a shelf for show until it was time for the real world. From the mental, and emotional abuse, to the drinking and never being home he knew she would never truly leave him. Saying whatever it took to keep her comfortable until his past amour would start to fade. He knew if he could just keep her a little longer she would just get over the anger and eventually sweep it under the rug.
Another year was coming to an end, Olivia barely hanging on told herself that this year will bring new beginnings. She prayed for change, she prayed God would give her strengt h to get through another year and that God would give her the guidance she needed to find the answer she was looking for in her marriage. It was December 29th, and she was having lunch at Fuzz's Taco in Nacindale, Texas she felt nauseous and sick. When she got home that day, this feeling came over her of panic and she knew what was happening. Rushing to the first Wal-Greens she bought a pregnancy test to take. Those five minutes she felt in that moment took hours. Watching it blink over and over, thinking it's going to be a false alarm, this couldn't be possible, not yet.
She sat on the couch waiting for Lucah to get home, nervous for his reaction to the new baby on the way. She sat him down and simply asked him "How would you feel about having another baby", Lucah looked at her with his deep brown eyes that were so piercing at times she could feel him sucking her soul right out of her. "I'm not sure" he responded. "Why? Are you pregnant?" He then looked down at this feet keeping his hands together. Olivia swallowed her pride like she always did and shoved her feelings to the side, "Yes I am" and gave Lucah the test she took. Lucah had the most Casanova grin, he looked at her and just simple said "Well, that's good". Not understanding his reaction, she hugged him and started to cry telling him she was sorry, to please not give up on their family that maybe this baby was the answer to their prayers. Lucah hugged her very softly, and quickly let go walking into the kitchen. He looked flushed, cheeks red as roses, pupils black as night, and told Olivia in a gentle voice, "I'm not going anywhere".CHAPTER 4
Olivia prayed every day that he meant that. The planning began to bring a new bundle of joy into the world and each day Olivia got more excited. A little over a month later, it was a Monday evening, Olivia was resting on the couch with her oldest son Gage. She kept having these overwhelming feelings of anxiety telling her something was wrong. She began calling Lucah to make sure he was okay due to him working off and long hours. Lucah wouldn't answer her calls and they started going to his voicemail. She began checking social media to see if he had made any recent post showing he was alright and there was nothing. Him being 6 hours away she couldn't just go check. When Lucah finally answered, it was as if he knew exactly what he needed to say. He knew his wrong doings had finally caught up with him.
Olivia that night tossed and turned, she cried so much her face swollen, and eyes blood shot that next day. She knew she had to find out more about where all this was coming from for the sake of the new baby. Olivia reached out to her closest friends, and they began spilling what the gossip of the town had become of Lucah. No one had proof, no one could admit that what they were told were facts. Olivia trying to accept what Lucah had done, she felt herself so angry, sick, and she wanted to answers. Gathering what information and proof she had Olivia went to Lucah asking for answers. Without a fight he let the details of the dalliance out as if it was a demon escaping his body. Olivia was sick, she ran to her office and into the arms of her best friend needing comfort. She screamed sobbing, asking why would he do this to us? No one could understand why. As the truth about the affair came out the details did also. Lucah so desperate, he had two cell phones to engage in these acts and was using the phone to reach others in towns he worked. The affair had been going on for months before the announcement of the new baby.
Things started to make since to Olivia. She knew what she had to do, she was scared, lost, and felt as if she was a piece of cracking glass. She couldn't believe she was finally going to go through with it but she knew she had to file for divorce. This is only the beginning to her nightmare.CHAPTER 5
As the weeks went by Olivia's belly grew bigger as the new baby hit each milestone in her pregnancy. The divorce was talking a toll on her and she began to get depressed more and more as time progressed. The pain of each amour made each day harder and harder, she kept strong for her boys and to keep herself going. The only thing that was being destroyed was her soul. She began to push harder every day to see the positive and to do what was best for her kids. Reaching out to anything to relieve stress, she continued with her Zumba classes and found Boot camp to be just the therapy she needed. Both her and Lucha's anger grew stronger and the site of one another would just set it off. She tried everything she could to make sure Gage knew everything was alright and to keep his life as normal as possible. Though her world was crashing down around her, she was his world and knew his world needed to keep spinning. April came to soon and it was time for Olivia to find out what her bundle of joy was going to be. In her heart she knew it was going to be a boy, but that day she threw on a pink dress for luck hoping for pink bows in the future. A Diner in town made her own special smash cake to dig into with the filling pink or blue inside. All her family and closest friends gathered around and the countdown began. Olivia taking the biggest bite possible kept her eyes shut tight. Then she heard all the excitement and everyone screaming "It's a BOY"!!!! Olivia just smiled so big thinking Oh goodness what am I going to do with two boys? With the new baby being a boy, Olivia found herself thinking of Lucah, asking herself why did he do this again? She began organizing his nursery after the reveal. Her heart was heavy about her family. As a little girl she always wondered what it would be like to have a family, a home, coming home cooking supper, the pitter patter of little feet, and the voice of a loving man shouting "Honey I'm home". One day she would find that man, but for now she was focusing on herself and the two little men in her life.
Olivia began looking and researching baby names. She wanted something strong, manly, and something that no one had. A character in a movie she was watching that night was Sloan, that name began to stick in her brain. Micah Sloan, it was perfect!! Her excitement grew and grew each day. Olivia began to find herself more and more, she began to love her own company, and she realized she wasn't the person Lucah made her believe she was. Her son Gage, kept a smile on her face and he had her back. For every mountain they climbed they did it together. Gage and Micah felt every pain he put her through, they felt each piece of her heart break. Her boys kept her strong, they made her feel like a person again. A few months went by, and the summer came, so did the heat. Olivia kept going, she faced every obstacle on her own. When mornings came she didn't want to get out of bed, makeup wasn't an option at this point. Her best friend Lynn called her every morning saying "Get up beautiful, You've got this". Those phone calls meant so much. Olivia's friends all played a huge role in her boy's life. They loved her so much and they loved her boys to.
Excerpted from Wings of Roo by Olivia Belle. Copyright © 2016 Olivia Belle. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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