The Wounded Heart

The Wounded Heart

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Wounded Heart 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 12 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Very thorough and well written. I am reading to understand what a friend is going through and it has been helpful. It is intense reading and addresses the issues. Good for anyone who wants to better understand the impact of sexual abuse.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is to impart understanding of the effects of abuse from childhood into adulthood, to those who have been abused or are acquainted with those who have been. It is somewhat upsetting and should not be read through quickly. Not a good read before bed or just before work. Addresses what might be needed to help someone be a more functional and healthy adult after such atrocities have happened.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am 33 years old and an adult victim of childhood sexual abuse. God put this book in my hand and I am changed after just finishing reading it and doing everything it said to do. Allender knows what he is talking about. My life is changed and that deep pain I have felt all my life is gone. There is nothing like the power of Christ to work in our lives. If you don't know Christ, you cannot effectivly be healed because the world has nothing to offer the kind of pain felt from sexual abuse. It is a tearing of the soul and heart. The other book I found deeply helpful was Cry of the Soul by Allender. If you are still suffering from sexual abuse from your childhood or know someone who is and you want to help... GET THIS BOOK! It has been the only one that truly spoke to the depths of my soul (besides the bible) Christ has used it powerfully in my life. If you know someone who has been abused, read the back part where it talks about what you need to do to help the person you love who is suffering from it AND DO WHAT IT SAYS AND STAND BY THE PERSON UNTIL THE END! Standing by someone and seeing them completely through the healing process is invaluable.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Dan Allendar wrote this book 17 years ago and it is still the benchmark work for the non-professional -and many professionals too- on the topic of sexual abuse. Even if you think that you have not been affected by the issues of abuse -most are- someone you know has and this will offer you a opportunity to begin dealing with the wrenching effects of abuse on one's life. Its not a light read, but will disrupt and engage the reader whereever they are in dealing with their own issues.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Dr. Dan B. Allender writes from the heart. As a therapist, reading this book helped me to better understand my clients dealing with the aftermath of chilhood sexual abuse. The author writes from a Christian perspective and gives unique insight into this topic, as he himself is also a survivor.
Guest More than 1 year ago
As a 49 year old and a Believer in Christ who has struggled all of her life not knowing why I did all the things I did and reacted the way I did. This book has shed a lot of light and hope on the issues of childhood sexual abuse. This book has also showed me a way back to GOD.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is the first book I read on the subject of childhood sexual abuse, as a survivor and Christian it helped me tremendously.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Made me think, I mean really think about who I am. And why
Lynn_C_Tolson More than 1 year ago
The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan Allender, Ph.D, attempts to answer the question of what we should do about our inevitable pain. The forward (by Dr. Larry Crabb) states that the book¿s message is ¿to think biblically about topics not directly addressed in Scripture.¿ Throughout the book, there is the presumption of the readers¿ belief in God. Dan Allender wants to help those who have been abused to make sense of their indescribable pain. A victim cannot make sense out of the crimes of abuse, or why the perpetrator chose to be abusive. But Dr. Allender, a minister, professor, and therapist, can guide a victim toward an understanding that makes healing a valuable achievement. This is encouraged via personal and spiritual growth. Dr. Allender urges the reader to explore a higher purpose, a higher power, and a bigger vision for life. The Wounded Heart is written in three parts: The Dynamics of Abuse, The Damage of Abuse, and the Prerequisites for Growth. In parts one and two, the concepts cover the intense feelings of victims, including shame and ambivalence. In part three, Dr. Allender explains complex beliefs, such as repentance. Although the writing style is careful and thorough, there is a burden on the victim to understand betrayal, contempt, and powerlessness and their consequences. This is the case in our culture: the responsibility for understanding is on the survivors, while the perpetrators make no apologies. Dr. Allender does not sugar-coat the actual abuse, the resulting trauma, or the difficulty in healing. He does, however, make it clear that his Christian position and opinion is one of deep faith and hope. He tries to convey this to the reader without being dogmatic. Not every victim will be able to absorb the Bible verses he uses to explain both the suffering and the growth.
Woundedbuthealing More than 1 year ago
I would like to shake the hand of Dr. Dan Allender for bringing order out of chaos to a very misunderstood crime to the soul, for it is indeed that. Childhood sexual abuse shuts down the heart, doesn't trust and despises oneself. As a child perhaps, it is understandable why one would 'shut down the heart' in order to survive [it], but children of course grow up, and self protecting styles of relating [in adulthood] only produce a deeper cry of the soul; to be loved, wanted and accepted, than to live with the abuse [from others] on a daily basis. Abuse it seems attracts abuse, and since we do not remember a time we were loved [having shut down the heart as a self-protective means and thereby unable to receive love], we only ever hear judgment and condemnation, never love and mercy. We do not have the ability to 'stand up for ourselves' nor do we even understand [sometimes] why we have such problems relating to other [adults]. For some of us, we still feel as though we are a child [in a man or woman's body]. While 'we' grew physically (of course), 'we' stagnated emotionally, wondering how it is possible to be 'this old' already?; "When was I ever a child?" is a consistent inner question It feels as though [even if distant; a lifetime ago], that no-one [in our family] was ever truly responsible for us, nor protected us. It sets up a even greater spiral of contempt and self-condemnation; feeling unworthy and producing greater [inner] loneliness. How do we now [as adults] love our spouse [in the way God intended] or our children? How do we interact as adults with the maturity that reaches out to others who need our help, and our love when we still feel (internally) so much like a child? As a Christian myself I appreciate the honesty, the candor that the author so eloquently addresses. Sexual abuse is 'swept under the carpet' in an attempt to deny the damaging affects, and I, for one have been hurt by 'the church's' evident unqualified and inability to help. But I would prefer that leaders in the church would humbly confess this than make me feel as though again the fault is mine, for not simply "forgiving and forgetting" [it all] as though it were really that simple. Yes, I believe in a God who redeems and heals, but as with us all, there is a process; a road that is often very dark and lonely, not one that automatically delivers you from the ache on the inside, overnight. For anyone who is seeking answers on this painful and difficult subject (especially followers of Jesus Christ), I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK, and if Dr. Dan Allender ever reads this review: thank you Sir. Only in Heaven will you ever know how deeply you have helped me in my quest for the truth about my past, and how much your book "mirrored" what the Holy Spirit had already revealed to me personally; BEFORE I even read your book. Your book then was evidence; affirmation that I was not crazy, a freak or abnormal; there were reasons why I had suffered and felt the things I had and you articulated things in a way that I do not know how I could have done so with as much eloquence as you did. Thank you again for taking the time to write this book, for your service in your profession to the confused and afraid (who have suffered this in their childhood) and for allowing the Holy Spirit to use you in a much needed way in our society. Too many people have been sexually abused, but pretending it doesn't happen does not help real people
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Penny_G More than 1 year ago
I believe Dan Allender meant well when writing this book and that he believed what he wrote. And I approached the book from a similar perspective as the one he had, as an evangelical Christian. I tried to follow his advice, which came across to me as a) forgive, b) realize that your sins are as big as or worse than your abuser's, and c) fix your own problems, even though as a sinner you are irrevocably broken and can never fix yourself. I mean, I EARNESTLY tried to follow it, and I think I have managed part a... I think. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became at a major lack in the Christian literature on this subject. The Christian books seem rarely to acknowledge that sexual abuse of a child is a CRIME; or that many abusers will continue to abuse (hence the very tough laws governing the rest of the lives of convicted sex offenders). Allender's book and many others focused on making sure victims' hearts were "right" when or if we confronted our abusers. All well and good, and if abusers did NOT have a tendency to abuse again, then I might agree more with that emphasis. But the reality is that delaying a confrontation, or delaying reporting the abuse to authorities, might result in other children being abused! Surely no Christian would want that to happen. Along those same lines, if memories were repressed, the statue of limitations for filing a lawsuit against the abuser might be limited to a certain (SHORT) amount of time passing after the memories return. Granted, many Christians might cringe at the notion of filing suit -- but in some cases, that might be an instrumental step in preventing further abuse. In other cases, a lawsuit might simply provide justice under the law -- which is NOT the same as being unforgiving for the rest of one's life. Following the advice to wait until you are completely free of malicious thoughts might rob a victim of an important tool to protect herself or others. That is my major beef with this book at this time. While I was reading it, though, it drove me nuts in other ways, especially in the extreme emphasis on our depravity and trying to overcome our sins. That led me to "beat myself up" quite a lot. Why not more details about how much the God of the Bible loves us (and even cares about justice)? That would seem helpful in the process of healing from such an intimate wound. I'm sure there is plenty here that is helpful for some people, but as for me, my (Christian) counselor took the book away since it was damaging my mental health, and I destroyed the workbook. I hope Christian writers of all denominations will expand their thinking about the victimization of children. Certainly Christians should offer at least as much sympathy and practical care as the secular world does.