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"This time it'll be different…"
"Let's give it just one more try…"
"I've really changed…"
You're suspicious when you hear these promises from your Ex, but you feel pulled to go back to him. You're not alone - many women leave partners who are disrespectful, immature, selfish or even abusive, then struggle to stay away. But help is in your hands: This book is your guide to leaving a bad relationship for good, to getting away and staying gone.
Learn to see through his tricks, tactics and manipulations
Some women are tripped up by their Ex's schemes to get them back. Others struggle with a history of self-sabotage, or friends and family urging them to "give him one more chance." Through her work and counseling sessions with over a thousand women, Kristin Carmichael has uncovered the secrets and tactics of bad Exes everywhere. Use her inside information to get free - don't waste another day denying yourself the happiness you deserve, tied to a man who can't give you what you need.
The advice in X that Ex can help you to…
identify V common traps your Ex might set
avoid 10 ways you might sabotage yourself
navigate the messy emotions that arise after a breakup
rediscover who you really are without your Ex - and like it
Whether you still love him or think he is being a complete jerk, it's time to get off the emotional rollercoaster and be done with the drama, once and for all!
Kristin Carmichael is a Domestic Violence Specialist at CHRISTUS St. Vincent Regional Medical Center. She is a highly sought-after trainer and consults for domestic violence agencies; healthcare, mental health and law enforcement professionals; and private business on the dynamics of unhealthy relationships. Kristin lives in Santa Fe, NM.
With a Special Appendix for Friends and Loved Ones who want to Help
|Publisher:||Turner Publishing Company|
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.60(d)|
About the Author
Kristin Carmichael is a Licensed Independent Social Worker who holds master’s degrees in social work and business administration. She is Domestic Violence Specialist at CHRISTUS St. Vincent Regional Medical Center. In this role, Carmichael consults, trains and collects data in order to develop the Southwest’s first medical-advocacy program dedicated to the safety of abuse survivors.
A former manager at Esperanza Shelter for Battered Families, she’s an expert in the dynamics of unhealthy relationships, and has advocated for and counseled more than a thousand domestic violence survivors.
Since 2001, she has trained teens, law enforcement, judicial system officials, and healthcare and business professionals on issues related to domestic violence. She has presented seminars to behavioral health professionals at conferences, shared her expertise at statewide trainings for The New Mexico Coalition to End Domestic Violence, completed research on the tactics of abusive men that has been shared publicly, and has given multiple interviews for newspapers and radio.
Carmichael is on the cutting edge of theory and effective practice and has attended more than 50 trainings supporting her goal of helping women find and maintain healthy relationships.
She is co-facilitator of Santa Fe’s Medical Action Team of the Coordinated Community Response Council, a member of New Mexico’s Domestic Violence Homicide Review Team, a co-founder of Santa Fe’s Safety First Team, a steering committee member for Santa Fe’s Coordinated Community Response Council and a member of New Mexico’s Network to End Domestic Violence.
Table of Contents
How This Book Is Different 3
Do the Math 5
Who This Book Is For 7
Part I Your Ex's Play book
1 Getting to Know His Playbook 10
Memory: Your Go-To Player 13
Two Crucial Points 15
2 Your Ex's Defensive Plays 16
"We Need to Talk" 17
Recommended X-ing Strategies 21
"I Can Change" 21
"Don't Throw It All Away" 32
"I Can't Live Without You" 35
"I Can Give You What You Need" 38
3 Your Ex's Offensive Plays 41
"This Is Your Fault" 41
"It's Not My Fault? 48
"I Know All Your Secrets" 58
"I Just Want to Be Friends" 63
"What About the Children?" 67
"You're Going to Be Sorry" 72
Part II Surefire Strategies for X-ing Your Ex
4 Standing Behind Your Truth 78
Cut Off Communication 79
Take Pride in Your Pride 82
Test His Words 86
Use a Freedom Journal 87
Reclaim Your Instincts 88
See Him for Who He Really Is 89
Don't Use the "Good Man" Excuse 90
5 Setting Yourself Up for Success 94
Mum's the Word 95
Don't Be There 97
Shut Down Friends with Messages 98
Forgive Yourself 99
Take Your Own Advice 102
Mourn the Loss of the Salesman 105
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize 106
Put Your Happiness First 107
6 Getting Fit for the Road Ahead 113
The Top Ten Mistakes 116
The One Question That Will Make You Fail 123
The Risks of Healing 125
Thinking: A Spectator Sport 127
Breaking Up Breakup Myths 128
No Drinking and Dialing 137
The "L" Word: Loneliness 140
Conclusion: You're Worth It 146
Appendix: For Friends and Family Members Who Want to Help 151
For more information about the book and its author, to sign up for support and information by e-mail, and for notification of the author's seminars and lectures, visit XThatEx.com.
The material in this book is intended to help women end destructive or dangerous relationships. Every effort has been made to provide accurate and dependable information. The contents of this book have been compiled through professional research and in consultation with other mental-health specialists. However, the reader should be aware that professionals in the field have differing opinions.
Therefore, the publisher, author, and editors, as well as the professionals quoted in the book, cannot be held responsible for any error, omission, or dated material. The author and publisher assume no responsibility for any outcome of applying the information in this book in a program of self-care or under the care of a licensed practitioner. If you have questions concerning your relationships, or about the application of the information described in this book, consult a qualified mental-health professional. If you are in a violent or potentially violent relationship or have any questions about abuse of any kind, please call a domestic-abuse hotline.