Table of Contents
Chapter 1 You Actually Can't Spell America Without "Me" 1
Chapter 2 I Had To Do It My Way 6
Chapter 3 This is American History 15
Chapter 4 I Won, I'm a Winner, I'm The Winner 23
Chapter 5 With Great Wealth Comes Great Quality 34
Chapter 6 The Actual Legal Takeover of the Government 37
Chapter 7 I Need a TV In The Oval 47
Chapter 8 It Finally Felt Real, Like a Movie 53
Chapter 9 I'm The President 65
Chapter 10 I Feel Like a New Man 77
Chapter 11 I Like Tough 80
Chapter 12 It Was About To Get Even Better 88
Chapter 13 The So-Called Russia Stories 98
Chapter 14 If I Acted "Presidential" I'd Lose My Special Powers 102
Chapter 15 The American People Understand 114
Chapter 16 A Good Test for Comey 125
Chapter 17 They Said It On the News 132
Chapter 18 The Bad Polls Are Probably Mostly or Completely Fake 143
Chapter 19 Everybody Lied To Me 152
Chapter 20 Ivanka Has Such a Gorgeous Smile 164
Chapter 21 The Presidency Really is Like a TV Series 171
Chapter 22 I Never Panic 179
Chapter 23 I Had To "Kill" Him-Kiel in Quotation Marks 190
Chapter 24 The "Special Counsel" is Totally Rigged 196
Chapter 25 Everyone Nervous Except Me 200
Chapter 26 Is Jared A Fredo? 205
Chapter 27 We're Both Strong and Know the Score 208
Chapter 28 If Anything Happens To Me, Here's the Truth 212
Chapter 29 We'll All Look Back and Laugh About This 214
Chapter 30 Call Him Flipper 216
Chapter 31 It's A Crazy World 217
Chapter 32 So Many, Many Secrets To Keep 221
Chapter 33 Route 66 223
Chapter 34 Maga 226
Chapter 35 My Nobel Prize 227
Chapter 36 Shlimazel 228
Chapter 37 Ang Buhlay Ay Maganda 229
Chapter 38 Was That All A Dream? 232
Chapter 39 All Fake 233
Chapter 40 Hooray President Trump, Hooray Presidente Trump, Hooray President Trump in Russian With the Crazy Backward 3 234
Chapter 41 The End 240