You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to

You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to "I Do"-Secrets from One of America's Top Dating Coaches

by Jess McCann


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780757317439
Publisher: Health Communications, Incorporated
Publication date: 02/05/2013
Edition description: Revised
Pages: 264
Sales rank: 466,958
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

At thirty years old, Jess McCann was on top of the world. After graduating college, she had started her own sales company, where she single-handedly recruited, trained and managed a thirty-person sales team. She was chosen as one of America's top entrepreneurs by Sir Richard Branson and traveled the world on his Fox reality show, The Rebel Billionaire. Having discovered first-hand that the art of sales directly translated into her dating life, Jess began counseling women, teaching them logical and proven sales techniques that they could use on their own dates. She continues to teach the fundamentals of sales and dating to women across the country. Visit Jess at

Read an Excerpt


it's not him, it's you!
The Common Denominator

'I can't believe I fell for another jerk!'

I was sitting in a café in Georgetown having breakfast with my best friend, Adison. On that particular morning she had dragged me out of bed to talk about her most recent relationship, which, like many before, was headed downhill fast. Before I could even order a cup of coffee, she declared that her latest would-be boyfriend, Gavin, was the offspring of a female canine and then proceeded to give me the play-by-play of their relationship.

'He never calls when he says he will. He acts like he likes me one minute, but then I don't hear from him for days. I am just so fed up with men and their games!'

I listened, as good friends do, as Adison vented her frustrations. She rambled on about Gavin's commitment phobia, how his hot and cold behavior drove her up the wall, and how the next time she saw him, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. But somewhere between the words jerk and player, I realized that this most recent relationship disaster sounded a lot like her last one. In fact, when I thought about it, it seemed like getting dumped was becoming a pattern for her.

As Adison was about to call this guy a dog for the tenth time, I suddenly realized something: maybe it wasn't such a coincidence that all the guys she dated turned out to be jerks. Maybe there was an actual reason for it. It did seem a little odd that every guy she liked drove her crazy and eventually ended up missing in action, especially since they were all so different. Yet somehow she kept getting the same result. Then, like a ton of bricks, it finally hit me. I knew what was happening. There was only one common denominator in all of Adison's relationships, and it wasn't the men.

'Adison,' I said. 'Do you ever think maybe it's not him, it's you?'

Adison's jaw dropped. As soon as the words left my mouth, I cringed and waited for her reaction. I was supposed to be her friend. I was supposed to be on her side. I was supposed to call this guy a selfish bastard, not bruise her already damaged ego. In fact, I was just about to recant my statement when she said, 'Really? You think I'm making him act this way?'

Up until that moment I truly believed that Adison and I had just been picking the wrong guys. Whenever our relationships got rocky, we would blame the guy for being insensitive, unavailable, or just plain shady. We truly believed that most men were frogs, and we were just going to have to kiss a lot of them to find our prince. But now I had seen the light. Men weren't the cause of all our headaches—we were. If a guy didn't act exactly the way we wanted him to, we would freak out, overreact, and drive him away.

Take Adison's new relationship, for example. This guy, Gavin, did like her. There was definitely a mutual attraction when they began dating. However, Adison started assuming that they were in a relationship after only a couple of weeks, whereas Gavin was still simply getting to know her. She switched into full girlfriend mode before she and Gavin had agreed to be exclusive. So when she started coming on strong, calling a lot, and making all-weekend plans with him, he started to back off.

I was no angel either. I had been just as guilty of overestimated expectations. Yet I continually wondered why men who started off interested in me seemed to always stall on taking that final step toward commitment. Hot and cold were the only two temperaments I'd ever seen from a boyfriend. In fact, the guy I was currently dating seemed to only like me on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Adison and I spent the next hour dissecting all of our previous relationships. In almost every instance, we realized the guys we had thought were jerks were really not so bad after all. We just blamed them for the fact that our relationships had gone awry. We had come up with every excuse in the book for why they behaved badly, when really, we just didn't know how to act with someone we liked. It didn't matter that we were smart, attractive girls. The way we behaved completely turned guys off. What an epiphany! I had to laugh at all the crazy mistakes we had made throughout the years. Looking back, I wondered how I could have been so oblivious.

Suddenly, Adison became panic-stricken.

'Oh my God, Jess, do you know what this means?' She shrieked. 'I have been dumped three times in the last year, and I am now realizing it's because of something I'm doing. I'm turning guys off. All this time I thought I was just dating the wrong kind of person. It never occurred to me that I might be bad at dating. Now what am I supposed to do?'

Good question. At the time, I didn't have the answer. Adison and I were fresh out of college and just beginning our lives. If the past was any sort of indicator of what our future would bring, I saw us sitting home a lot of nights, sobbing into a pint of Chunky Monkey. How would we turn things around? Who had the answers? All of our friends back then were suffering from their own dating dilemmas, and most of the books at the time only explained the 'why' behind a guy's behavior and not what to do about it. The more I thought about it, the more I feared for the worse. If something didn't change, we might be alone for the rest of our lives.

Then Everything Changed

Ten years after that pivotal conversation I was sitting on my couch wondering why my cell phone had suddenly lost service. It was the great snowstorm of 2009, and I was waiting for my boyfriend, Erik, to shovel us out of the driveway so that we could attend a family Christmas party. I had met Erik the year before while out with some friends and became immediately smitten with him. He was all the things I wanted in a man. He was smart, handsome, and apparently quite handy in inclement weather. I was in love, and for the first time in my life, I believed I had found the person I was meant to be with.

That day Erik joked that like me, my phone was probably just allergic to the cold, but I would find out later that he had purposely hijacked my SIM card so that no one would call me and accidentally ruin the upcoming surprise.

We had finally made our way out of the driveway when Erik suddenly realized he had left his wallet inside.

'I'll be right back,' he said as he tore off back into the house.

©2013. Jess McCann. All rights reserved. Reprinted from You Lost Him at Hello, Revised & Expanded. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Chapter 1 It's Not Him, It's You! 1

The Common Denominator

Then Everything Changed

The Secret to My Dating Success

Chapter 2 A Winning Strategy 17

The Truth About Sales

Emotions vs. Logic

Are You Playing Games?

Chapter 3 The Product: You 35

Know Your Product

Love Your Product

Packaging Your Product

Attracting Attention To Your Product

Chapter 4 Finding Him 63


The SEE Factor



Filling the Funnel

Chapter 5 Getting Him Interested 97

Recognizing Buying Signs

The KISS Principle

End at the Height of Impulse


The Mirror Theory

The Jones Effect

Chapter 6 Keeping Him Interested 155

Hold Back Your Bullets

Don't Cut to the Close

Don't Sweeten the Deal

Chapter 7 Closing the Deal 185

Never Assume

Fear of Loss

Sense of Urgency

The Silent No

Buyer's Remorse

Chapter 8 Maintaining the Right Mentality 229

Losing Him at Hello

Don't Drink and Date

The Waiting Game

No Means Next

Practicing in Gamelike Conditions

Customer Reviews

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You Lost Him at Hello: From Dating to "I Do"-Secrets from One of America's Top Dating Coaches 3.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 5 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Get this book. Outgoing, cute and smart can still equal not getting any hot dates. Not only am I dating more, I'm meeting more people in general. Im just having a blast. It's useful if you are in a relationship as well. 
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I think there are some great lessons to be learned here. This is a go to read for me whenever im having guy troubles
Aidelyn More than 1 year ago
This book is wonderful, I don't understand the negative reviews. It's my favorite dating book ever. Jess makes you feel empowered to go out there and meet people while still maintaining high standards. It doesn't even look like the negative reviewers read the book from the lack of detail in their reviews. Seriously, give it a try! It is also great fun to read if you're from the DC area because she makes a lot of references to our local neighborhoods and provides fun stories about her and her friends dating experiences.Give it a read, you won't be disappointed.  
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Horrible waste of money
Anonymous More than 1 year ago