You, Me & Everyone We Know: Everyday Adventures in our Mental Health

by Inspire Ireland, ReachOut.com

Overview

You, Me and Everyone We Know is a collection of personal stories from the worlds of journalism, broadcasting, professional sport and everyday life, from men, women, boys and girls, exploring how they faced and ultimately overcame a range of day-to-day challenges to their mental well-being. While dealing with a broad spectrum of the difficulties we all face at different times, from illness and depression, to bereavement and personal struggles, this book will show how everyone's problems are all of our problems, that support is out there and, most importantly, that better times will come. Compiled by ReachOut.com, this is a book for all of us, to inform and inspire us and to help us support those we know who are going through tough times.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780750958233
Publisher:	The History Press
Publication date:	11/03/2014
Sold by:	INDEPENDENT PUB GROUP - EPUB - EBKS
Format:	eBook
Pages:	144
File size:	1 MB
Age Range:	18 Years

Read an Excerpt

You, Me and Everyone: We Know

Everyday Adventures in Mental Health

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By The History Press

The History Press

Copyright © 2014 The contributors
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7509-5823-3

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CHAPTER 1

COMPASSION

'You have things to offer that nobody else does and the world needs these things.'

Melissa Carton-Mckevitt

Elaine Crowley

First and foremost, be kind to yourself. You may feel like the world is grey, and you are blending into it.

Try to remember there are people who love you. There are people who like you. And if you have difficulty liking yourself, ask those people why they want you in their life. If you cannot see the good in you, a good friend will point it out.

Should. Shouldn't. They are the worst words in the English language. How many times have you said to yourself, 'I should be happy. There's nothing wrong with my life. I shouldn't feel so low and so depressed. I have a family that loves me. I have food and shelter. I have a job/friends/every possession I could need. I shouldn't feel this way'?

You know what? You're entitled to feel any way you want. Eliminate those words from your vocabulary. It's hard to do. But try. Notice how you feel every time you try to tell yourself what you should and should not be feeling.

Everything in life is relative. A car breaking down, or an overdue bill, may be a simple matter to some. To others it can be a crippling blow. You feel the way you feel and that's that. End of.

I saw a picture of myself recently. I was 3 or 4 years old, belly laughing at the camera, without a care in the world. Looking at that picture broke my heart, because I know now that little girl had fairly difficult times ahead.

Yes, there were times I thought I'd never genuinely laugh again, there were times I didn't get out of bed for days, there were unkind words with friends I've since lost due to the utter misery and selfishness that depression can induce.

But you know what? There are good times too, great times, bloody fantastic times – and don't forget it.

When you're stuck in a rut it's hard to see a way out. But there is always a way out. It's not easy, there are no quick fixes but you'll get there. You will belly laugh again!

So start with the little things. Talk to someone you like. Get some fresh air and exercise. Avoid those who drag you down. Take baby steps.

It may take a while but you'll get there.

Be kind to yourself.

Melissa Maria Carton

I was 15 years old when I read a letter Gwen Stefani had written to her younger self. It had me at a loss. How could a strong, confident woman like her ever have felt as I have? Surely she always knew she was beautiful and talented? I bet she was never stood up for a date, never had someone make fun of the way she looked, never had anyone tell her she was worthless.

Back then I couldn't understand how she had ever felt insecure. Now, in my mid-twenties, I get it. I think back to my teen years, read my old diaries, pull out photographs I'd hidden, and I understand her perfectly. You couldn't have convinced 'teenage me' that it was all going to get better; that I wouldn't always feel so alone, so ugly, so insignificant. There has been a huge surge in the number of teenage suicides in recent years. So, from someone who has made it to the other side, let me share some advice I would give to my younger self – if only it had been possible!

You won't always be alone

Right now you feel desperately alone. You feel that if you try to connect with anyone they will just laugh at you. It cuts you up inside that you don't have friends and even though you try to convince yourself that you're better off alone, the truth is that you want someone to talk to. You believe that nobody wants you around and that you deserve all the nasty comments people make about you – but you don't. You will find friends. It may seem like you never will, but they're out there. Don't cut yourself off from the world. Your existence matters. You have things to offer that nobody else does, and the world needs these things. Once you allow yourself to shine you'll attract the right people to you. You have so much to give. Don't hide it all away.

Your friends do want to be around you

You've spent so long having people bully you and put you down that your trust has been dashed, but trust in this: your friends do want to be around you. You may think they involve you because they feel sorry for you. Maybe you even believe that they laugh about you behind your back – sure, who would really want to hang out with you? They're just hanging out with you to make themselves look better because you're such a loser, right? Wrong! They 100 per cent give a damn about you. They hang out with you because they see in you what even you can't see sometimes, that you're kind of, sort of, pretty awesome when you give yourself the chance. And do you know what? They'll still be your friends when you're in your twenties. They'll see you through all your ups and downs and you'll see them through theirs. They're wonderful, compassionate people who will always be there when you need them. What's more, they feel as lucky to have you as you feel to have them.

You are not now, nor have you ever been, ugly

Stop hiding from your reflection and other people. You are not ugly. You don't need to wear three layers of clothes or keep your head down so no one will look at you. Stop being ashamed of your body. You do not look too skinny. You do not look like a boy. You don't need to force-feed yourself. Your curves will come in their own time. You are not too short, you are not the 'plain' one in your group, you are not the most unattractive girl in every room. Right now you wish you looked like someone else. Don't! You are everything you need to be and more.

Don't determine your value by how a boy treats you

You're young and self-conscious and one thing you should never do is weigh up how much to value yourself based on the opinion of others. Relationships will come and go, but self-esteem is for keeps so don't tie yours to one person. It may seem like nothing when you dye your hair because your boyfriend prefers brunettes, or when you start ditching your hobbies and replacing them with his interests, but the fact of the matter is that anyone who truly loves you loves you for who you are and they would never want you to change. You would never expect anyone to change who they are for you, so why should they expect you to do a one-eighty on your dreams for them? You don't deserve to be put down, nor do you deserve to have someone yell into your face, to be hurt verbally or physically, or to be cheated on.

You don't need false friends hanging around, telling you it's your fault and if you just did as you were told he wouldn't lay into you. You didn't have it coming when he grabbed you by the throat during an argument and you shouldn't have had to apologise to him afterwards for making him do it. You know deep down you're better than that and some day this knowledge will come to the surface. It can take a long time to step away from an abusive relationship and realise it wasn't your fault. You might think it was all in your head, or that you overreacted. When you get far enough away from it, you will look back on what happened and see how it affected the people around you who really care for you. You will see how worried they were for your well-being and you'll know you never should have let anyone treat you like that. We can't change the past, but we can learn from it.

There is someone better for you out there – someone who will never tell you how you should look, who you should see or what you should do with your life; someone who will support you in whatever you want to do and always put you first; and, more importantly, someone who will respect you, because you are worthy of being respected and that is something you should never forget.

You are not stupid

The only unintelligent thing you've ever done is tell yourself that you were dumb. You might feel that because you're not doing a master's at university, or because you didn't study what people wanted you to study in college, that you're a let-down or unaccomplished. Ask yourself: 'Who has made me feel stupid?' Then ask yourself: 'What makes them so much better than me that they are entitled to make me feel stupid?' I think you'll find that nothing entitles them to make you feel that way, and that you've never been in the least bit stupid. You are clever and always have been. You have to know that.

Everyone around you values your opinion and they do so because they consider you knowledgeable. So know that yourself. After all, believing in yourself is probably the smartest thing you'll ever do.

Don't give up: you've no idea what you're about to accomplish

None of us can see the road ahead of us, but believe me it is bright and it always will be. Life will throw you curveballs. There are things that you won't be able to control and there will be dark days that you won't want to face up to but I implore you: don't give up. It's one of the hardest things to admit but several times in my teens I wanted to kill myself and every day I live I'm glad I didn't. I look back on all the things I've accomplished and think, 'If I had gone through with it back then I never would have done any of this'. You have no idea of the things that are coming your way: the things you'll do, the places you'll see, the people you'll meet. Those dark days don't last forever and we can never let ourselves become a victim of them. You must learn to take the power in a powerless situation and never let that situation have power over you. You will do things in these next couple of years that most people won't do in an entire lifetime. Your life is important. Your life plays a crucial part in the lives of others and if you ceased to exist a part of them would too. An entire life, created by you, would never have been present in this world if you had given up. You happened for a reason; there are no accidents in nature. Even if the road is bumpy, even if you didn't get off to the best start, even if the direction seems unclear, your life is going somewhere. You will inspire others, you will help those who need it most, you will save someone's life, but first, you have to save yourself. Believe in yourself, know that your life has great worth and that you are everything that you need to be.

Never give up on yourself and your possibilities are infinite. Choose to fight and you will win.

Don't give up – you've no idea what you are about to accomplish.

Louise O'Neill

I had been planning my escape from my small town for most of my teen years. When I turned 18, I was going to leave. When I turned 18, I was going to move to Dublin and never look back. I was going to study English at TCD, I was going to be popular, and I was going to feel good about myself, and I was going to feel happy. When I turned 18, everything was going to be different.

And here I was, finally, living in Trinity Halls. I had made it.

I left my apartment the first day, got the bus into town and even that was a bit of an adventure as I was used to driving everywhere at home. The bus driver dropped me off by Stephen's Green shopping centre and it took me almost two hours to find Trinity College, such was my unfamiliarity with the city centre. My feelings of disorientation didn't end there. I felt wrong – my accent, where I was from, the clothes I was wearing – everything about me just felt as if it marked me out as somehow not fitting in with my classmates. I held my tongue in tutorials as others boldly stated their opinions, afraid that if I opened my mouth to speak I would betray how very wrong I really was. I was used to being the best in my English classes, the brightest, and I didn't like this new role I found myself playing. I missed one class, then another, then a week of classes, then a month.

'Are you still enrolled here?' a tutor asked me in surprise as I traipsed into the exam hall at the end of term. 'I thought you had dropped out.'

No. I hadn't dropped out. I had spent the first year of university hiding away in my bedroom, refusing to go back to Clonakilty at the weekends in case anyone at home would think I had 'failed'. I knew that everyone else must be having the time of their lives, partying like they were sorority girls in a Hollywood movie, making friends that would end up being their bridesmaids, meeting boys that would end up being their husbands. I felt so ashamed at my inability to join in that I lied, made up stories of debauchery and fun to tell friends at home so they wouldn't know what a complete loser I had become.

It's funny looking back at that time now. I do wonder what would have happened if I had been brave enough to join the drama society, if I had auditioned for that play, if I had admitted that I felt a bit lost and asked for help. I bet that if I had tried to be more honest other people might have admitted that they felt a little lost as well, that their college experience wasn't exactly the whirlwind of excitement they had anticipated, that they also felt homesick at times. By pretending that everything was 'fine' so that I wouldn't lose face, I think I lost an opportunity to connect with people around me on a deeper, and more genuine, level.

If I was talking to that 18-year-old today, I would give her a big hug. I'd tell her that she's not alone, that she's not strange. I'd tell her that there isn't anything wrong with her. I'd ask her to just be herself, to try to accept herself for who she is rather than for what she wants to be. I know that the person she wants to be is someone whom everyone will love because she feels that if everyone loves her then maybe that'll mean she's someone who is worth loving. If I could tell the 18-year-old me anything, I'd tell her that the most important thing is to learn to love herself. Only then will she be free.

CHAPTER 2

BALANCE

'Of course it's hard to break the circle. It's easier to hide away and pretend everything is fine. But if things are to get better then it has to be broken, and for me, the only way to snap that circle is to admit what's going on.'

Aisling O'Toole

Amy Colgan

You know that little bit of your brain that tells you that everything's probably going to be okay? There should be a name for it and a national holiday when we all celebrate it and sing songs about how great and wise it is.

See, that bit of my brain had always done its job pretty well, but I never really noticed or thought about how important it was. Everyone imagines the best and worst things that could happen in their lives – and certainly any kid that grows up watching Disney films, or Indiana Jones reruns, knows that fate is going to fling a few venomous snakes in your path, but you have a sense, deep down, that you'll be grand really, that you'll win the day, and even if you do find yourself sinking in quicksand there'll be a big stick to grab onto right before it swallows you up.

The summer after my graduation, after weeks of planning and plane tickets, excited phone calls and vaccinations, I went to India. It was going to be a big adventure, meeting my boyfriend who'd been there for the summer, and heading south to Kerala, to the Ganges in Varanasi and maybe even doing something deadly in Nepal. There might be Sherpas, or elephants, or dancing in a Bollywood film in Mumbai. Who knew, eh?

I was a little bit scared. I mean, it's hard not to be, what with all the good-natured advice you get before you go somewhere like India, from the multiple tropical diseases that you are almost definitely going to get, to how to get various insects out of your skin (shudder), to dear God, whatever you do, don't eat this and this, or this ... and someone always has a friend who got malaria or mugged or ended up in jail. I danced the line between being totally excited and totally freaked in the days before I left but, you know, ultimately, it would all be grand, right?

Well, this time it wasn't grand. From Kolkata airport to the full-on incredible shock to the senses that is India, the noise and the colour and the hot heady smells, it was mad and amazing and beautifully nuts – and I got sick. Properly sick. It was only the third day of the trip, and I ended up in a dusty hospital with a soaring temperature and no clue what was going on.

We missed our flight to Kerala as doctors looked puzzled and did more tests. Lots of people came to have a good look at me. They said I'd have to stay the night, and then another, and then another, as they tried to figure out what was going on. It really didn't seem plausible that I could've been so unlucky as to catch something serious in such a short time, but they couldn't rule anything out. The only thing we knew was that I wasn't getting any better. For the first time, the bit of my brain that told me things were going to be okay was silent. The result? I was really, really scared.

But after a week in the hospital, the highlights of which were an amazing curry, the glass bottles of Coca Cola we smuggled in, and the eagle that landed on my windowsill one evening, the mystery illness turned out to be an allergic reaction. Not good old India's fault after all, but unfortunately I wasn't fit enough for train journeys or Sherpas or Bollywood dancing, and the doctors in Dublin said I should come home.

It could have been so much worse. I was alive, for a start, and I was going to be completely healthy, so I was determined not to get all sorry for myself about it. From the little I knew about India, I knew there were people in the world who really understood what unfairness was, and having to come back to your lovely home and miss your fancy holiday didn't qualify me as being one of them. It was actually harder to deal with the guilt of scaring my family and friends half to death and causing such a fuss, and feeling like such a lame-ass for getting sick, but everyone was so kind and so frustrated on my behalf that this, too, passed before long.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from You, Me and Everyone: We Know by The History Press. Copyright © 2014 The contributors. Excerpted by permission of The History Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

Title,
Acknowledgements,
Foreword by Carmel Sayers,
Compassion,
Balance,
Reach out,
Create,
Resilience,
Connect,
Be,
Biographies,
Afterword,
About ReachOut.com,
Copyright,