Your Turn: How to Be an Adult

by Julie Lythcott-Haims

Overview

New York Times bestselling author Julie Lythcott-Haims is back with a groundbreakingly frank guide to being a grown-up

What does it mean to be an adult? In the twentieth century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.

A former Stanford dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising and author of the perennial bestseller How to Raise an Adult and of the lauded memoir Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims has encountered hundreds of twentysomethings (and thirtysomethings, too), who, faced with those markers, feel they’re just playing the part of “adult,” while struggling with anxiety, stress, and general unease. In Your Turn, Julie offers compassion, personal experience, and practical strategies for living a more authentic adulthood, as well as inspiration through interviews with dozens of voices from the rich diversity of the human population who have successfully launched their adult lives.

Being an adult, it turns out, is not about any particular checklist; it is, instead, a process, one you can get progressively better at over time—becoming more comfortable with uncertainty and gaining the knowhow to keep going. Once you begin to practice it, being an adult becomes the most complicated yet also the most abundantly rewarding and natural thing. And Julie Lythcott-Haims is here to help readers take their turn.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250137777
Publisher:	Holt, Henry & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	04/06/2021
Pages:	496
Sales rank:	144,784
Product dimensions:	9.30(w) x 6.40(h) x 1.70(d)

About the Author

Julie Lythcott-Haims is the New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult and Real American. She holds a BA from Stanford, a JD from Harvard Law School, and an MFA from California College of the Arts. She resides in the Bay Area with her partner, their two itinerant young adults, and her mother.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

1 Adulting (What Exactly Is It?) 5

2 Tag, You're It (The Terror and Joy of Fending for Yourself) 12

3 You're Not Perfect (You're Here to Learn and Grow) 35

4 Be Good (Unlock a Major Achievement) 69

5 Stop Pleasing Others (They Have No Idea Who You Are) 105

6 Get Out of Neutral (The Tragedy of Unused Potions) 135

7 Start Talking to Strangers (Humans Are Key to Your Survival) 187

8 Money Matters (How to Make It, Keep It, and Make It Work for You) 243

9 Take Good Care (of Yourself) 277

10 How to Cope (When the Shit Hits the Fan) 326

11 Make Things Better (From Your Town to the World Beyond, Why You Should Try) 376

12 Unleash Your Superpowers (Mindfulness, Kindness, and Gratitude) 421

13 Above All Else, Keep Going 456

Appendix: Resources 465

Commitment to Inclusion 468

Acknowledgments 470

Index 473

Editorial Reviews

02/01/2021

Lythcott-Haims, former dean of undergraduate advising at Stanford, follows up her 2016 How to Raise an Adult with this valuable guide to “adulting.” The author puts aside traditional markers of adulthood—education, employment, moving out, marriage, and children—in favor of a vision of becoming an adult as a “delicious” process of “wanting to, having to, and learning how” to fend for oneself, discover one’s passions, and find one’s chosen family. Refreshingly, Lythcott-Haims avoids talking down to readers and instead connects through vulnerability—particularly an illuminating anecdote about the author clashing with Stanford administrators, accepting criticism with maturity, and being rewarded with a large promotion for her candor in discussions. Narratives from successful people in the author’s extended network form the lion’s share of the text—including journalist Irshad Manji, a queer Muslim woman who shows how “moral courage” is the key to “being good at having tough conversations,” and a film agent who focused on community theater to revitalize a passion for his career—along with accounts from students she has counseled, family friends, and colleagues. Lythcott-Haims also shares sound workplace advice (prepare, play well with others, join the ecosystem, and find a mentor) and 16 principles of good character, among them “embrace that your purpose in life is to learn and grow.” Those overwhelmed by the demands of adulthood would do well to check this out. (Apr.)

Publishers Weekly

2021-01-27
Constructive techniques to help young adults transition into productive grown-ups.

As any adult will tell you, becoming an adult involves so much more than just reaching a certain age. It also requires flexibility, problem-solving skills, and the ability to handle difficult situations without panicking or running to your parents for help. “Adulting can’t be boiled down to ten tips or even a thousand,” writes Lythcott-Haims in this natural follow-up to How To Raise an Adult. “Being an adult is a state of mind that ignites the ‘doing’ that ends up forging your adult self. It’s part wanting to, part having to, and part learning how. The hardest part is that because it’s happening in your own mind you pretty much do it by yourself.” Thankfully, the author, a former Stanford dean of freshman and mother of “two itinerant young adults,” is equipped with a wide-ranging collection of concepts that will make young adults feel like they are not alone in the process. She uses her own life situations as well as examples from people she’s interviewed to help convey the specific message expressed in each chapter. Topics include figuring out how to fend for yourself, developing a good character, learning how to handle your finances (invest early!), and maintaining a healthy body and mind. Regarding the latter, the author delves into mindfulness and the importance of being both grateful and kind, two attributes more necessary now than ever. Although the book is overlong and doesn’t present any groundbreaking discoveries, the author brings fresh, invigorating energy to her mostly common-sense information. Her conversational prose and can-do attitude will entice readers to make it to the end of this lengthy book, emerging with a greater sense of what adulting means and how to proceed with confidence and enthusiasm.

The author’s sensible advice and friendly tone will help many young readers grow into mature, responsible adults.

Kirkus Reviews

"Lythcott-Haims speaks frankly but respectfully to her readers, sharing many of her own gaffs, struggles, and successes. As a Black, biracial, and queer woman, she has faced many of the challenges faced by her audience... With direct, encouraging, and heartfelt advice, Lythcott-Haims covers a lot of sensitive, relevant, and crucial territory."
—Booklist (starred review)

“Refreshingly, Lythcott-Haims avoids talking down to readers and instead connects through vulnerability. . . . Those overwhelmed by the demands of adulthood would do well to check this out.”
—Publishers Weekly

“Lythcott-Haims’s conversational prose and can-do energy will entice readers . . . emerging with a greater sense of what adulting means and how to proceed with confidence and enthusiasm.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“Age comes naturally. Not being an adult. Your Turn eases the painful adulting struggle. Julie Lythcott-Haims is patient, vulnerable, incisive, and encouraging. She once landed our parents’ helicopters. Your Turn now clears a path to adulthood for us. Let’s take it.”
—Ibram X. Kendi, #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Be an Antiracist

“Julie Lythcott-Haims has long been one of America’s finest minds and fiercest voices. Now, with this remarkable book, she establishes herself as something else: the mentor our young people deserve. Your Turn is simultaneously electrifying and reassuring—a jaw-dropping, spine-tingling work that will change many lives.”
—Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind

“They say there’s no manual for being a grown-up, but former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims has finally created one—and it’s a must-read. Your Turn is the compassionate, candid, comprehensive guide every young adult needs to navigate smoothly through the world, covering everything from jobs and finances to relationships and emotional health. Julie is part therapist, part tell-it-like-it-is wise older friend whose wisdom will benefit anyone who’s trying to figure out this thing we call life—which is to say, everyone.”
—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“This is the one book you need to read if you’re ready to take up the challenge of becoming your true and vital adult self. It is filled with great stories of people just like you, told by a master storyteller. We need more adults in the world and it really is Your Turn.”
—Bill Burnett, #1 New York Times bestselling coauthor of Designing Your Life and Designing Your Work Life

“As a wise person once said, 'Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.' In all the discussions and debates about the challenges faced by young people today, too little effort has been spent helping them feel empowered, excited, and ready for the challenges of adult life. Julie Lythcott-Haims, after her parenting masterpiece How to Raise An Adult, has turned her skill and wisdom into a guide for living a fulfilling, rich, and meaningful life.”
—Greg Lukianoff, New York Times bestselling coauthor of The Coddling of the American Mind

From the Publisher