Reading Group Guide
About the Academy:
Astronaut Academy is the school with the most reasons to attend. It is tops with the learning! With classes like advanced heart studies, anti-gravity gymnastics, wearing cute hats, run-on sentences, and locker!, who would not want to be a student at this school? Now, EVEN YOU have the opportunity to attend Astronaut Academy.
Application:
Do you have a Secret Origin Story that may end up causing structural damages to the school? Please list any and all possibilities.
Why is everyone's least favorite class always Locker!? We are thinking of taking it off the curriculum. Wouldn't you enjoy Locker!?
Are you planning in participating in Advanced Heart Studies? If so, how many hearts are you currently in possession of? Please provide substantiating documentation from anyone whose heart is currently in your care.
Students attending Astronaut Academy's rival P.S. Gamma are distinguished by their tendency to have too much hair. Do you have too much hair? Are you sure you do not want to attend P.S. Gamma Q?
Are you an evil robot bent on destroying the school and/or one or more of its pupils? If so, please rate the likelihood of your redemption from evil. Also provide your make, model, and serial number (with supporting records).
What are your life aspirations? Do they involve dinosaurs? Or cute hats? If not, why not? Don't you enjoy dinosaurs and cute hats?
Students at Astronaut Academy have a truly insane amount of fun. What makes you think your own fragile corporeal body would be able to handle such intensely high Fun Levels? Answer in your own words, providing a corroborative note from your family physician (must be certified in space medicine).
Please rate your desire to attend Astronaut Academy, where 1 is ‘never in a thousand years' and 10 is ‘awesomesauce!' Write a paragraph explaining your rating choice.
All students applying for entry to Astronaut Academy must have at least three personal character references. At least one must be from a panda (though if you have no panda references, a giraffe-reference may be accepted, but only in exceptional circumstances).
All applications must be submitted to the empty void of space.
We will get back to you entirely at random.