Braineater Jones [NOOK Book]


Braineater Jones wakes up face down in a swimming pool with no memory of his former life, how he died, or why he’s now a zombie. With a smart-aleck severed head as a partner, Jones descends into the undead ghetto to solve his own murder.

But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during ...
See more details below
Braineater Jones

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 7.0
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 10.1
  • NOOK HD Tablet
  • NOOK HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK eReaders
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$5.99 price


Braineater Jones wakes up face down in a swimming pool with no memory of his former life, how he died, or why he’s now a zombie. With a smart-aleck severed head as a partner, Jones descends into the undead ghetto to solve his own murder.

But Jones’s investigation is complicated by his crippling addiction to human flesh. Like all walking corpses, he discovers that only a stiff drink can soothe his cravings. Unfortunately, finding liquor during Prohibition is costly and dangerous. From his Mason jar, the cantankerous Old Man rules the only speakeasy in the city that caters to the postmortem crowd.

As the booze, blood, and clues coagulate, Jones gets closer to discovering the identity of his killer and the secrets behind the city’s stranglehold on liquid spirits. Death couldn’t stop him, but if the liquor dries up, the entire city will be plunged into an orgy of cannibalism.

Cracking this case is a tall order. Braineater Jones won’t get out alive, but if he plays his cards right, he might manage to salvage the last scraps of his humanity.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Author of Life After Dane - Edward Lorn
"Ironically enough, Stephen Kozeniewski's undead detective is just the breath of life horror needs right now."
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • BN ID: 2940148612100
  • Publisher: Red Adept Publishing, LLC
  • Publication date: 10/10/2013
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 24
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Stephen Kozeniewski lives with his wife of 9 years and cat of 22 pounds in Pennsylvania, the birthplace of the modern zombie. He was born to the soothing strains of “Boogie With Stu” even though The Who are far superior to Zep, for reasons that he doesn’t even really want to get into right now.

During his time as a Field Artillery officer, he served for three years in Oklahoma and one in Iraq, where due to what he assumes was a clerical error, he was awarded the Bronze Star. The depiction of addiction in his fiction is strongly informed by the three years he spent working at a substance abuse clinic, an experience which also ensures that he employs strict moderation when enjoying the occasional highball of Old Crow.

He is also a classically trained linguist, which sounds much more impressive than saying his bachelor’s degree is in German.
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 11 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star


4 Star


3 Star


2 Star


1 Star


Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation


  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing 1 – 10 of 11 Customer Reviews
  • Posted December 20, 2013

    Are you sick and tired of zombies? I¿m willing to bet you won¿t

    Are you sick and tired of zombies? I’m willing to bet you won’t be for long. Braineater Jones is one of the most original, at times hilarious, at times depressing, books I’ve read in a long while. It featured zombies in a way you’ve never seen before.

    A man wakes up face down in a pool. He has drowned, but somehow he’s still alive. Unaware of his name, who he is, or what transpired, he searched the house he’s in from top to bottom, coming face to face with a bunch of thieves. Once he makes his way outside to the bad part of town, he figures he’s not the only one of the living dead. With his brain swiftly deteriorating, he needs booze to stay alive, and to stay sane. If he doesn’t get any soon, he’ll turn into one of those insane freaks eating up other people, which he doesn’t want at all. He starts calling himself Braineater Jones, and tries to adapt to his new reality. Soon enough, he opens up some sort of private investigation service for the recently-deceased-but-still-alive and helps solve cases. All the while though, the mystery of his own death haunts him, as well as the reason for why he’s still undead.

    The book is original, refreshing, and has so many things I didn’t see coming that it’s impossible to figure out where to start. Nobody can be trusted in the world of the undead, one apparently only needs one’s head to be alive, and friends are found in the most unlikely of places. Jones is an intriguing character. He doesn’t fall within a simple category. He’s neither good nor bad. Sometimes he’s a little heavy-handed toward his other clients, then he develops a soft spot for someone else, while the reader never sees it coming.

    At times, the book is gross, and shows us the darker side of human nature, and of being undead. It’s set in the 1930s, and has a matching noir style and dark humor. If you’re not fond of that style, I wouldn’t recommend that book, but if you like that style or feel neutral about it, then I highly recommend this book. It’s unique, the story is strong, the plot is complicated, the characters are complex and entertaining. It’s not the kind of book where you’ll laugh out loud at times, but the kind of book that’ll make you grin several times during reading. An extraordinary read, and not just for people who love zombies.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted December 8, 2013

    more from this reviewer

    Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new

    Braineater Jones woke up dead in a pool, thus beginning his new un-life. Braineater isn't his real name, it's what un-dead people like him are called when they don't have enough liquor in them to keep them fresh. Without the alcohol they start to deteriorate, fleshy bits start to slip right off, and are soon likely to go for your brains. So, he's kinda like those people you find at the morgue with a toe-tag named John Doe.
    I'm getting sidetracked.
    Jones keeps a journal full of questions he needs answers to, such as; Who am I? Who killed me? How do braineaters live?
    In this new world, while on his quest to get the answers he craves, Jones needs money to supply him with lodgings and the liquor he needs. An offer is made for Jones to help out others like him by basically becoming a private eye of sorts.
    Jones is heavy-handed servicing his new clients and doesn't make too many friends on his way to enlightenment. When he starts to question the wrong characters, the bad guys get wind and Jones' new un-dead life becomes a lonely one.

    I really enjoyed the dark humor layered throughout this read which elicited many a chuckle from me. One-liners and un-dead drama such as needing a bedpan to catch the food you eat as it drains from your neck are just one of the many things that kept me smiling till the last page.
    The next time I want someone to go away I'll use this line from the book: 

    "Why don't you make like a whore and blow?"

    The author was creative with his brand of the walking dead and I don't have anything negative/constructive to say, which is a big deal coming from me. I could hear Bruce Campbell as the narrator and could so see this as a B-movie. 
    I look forward to reading whatever (Can we shorten the name, please! Or at least tell me how to pronounce it *wink*) Mr. K. writes about next.
    Job well done! 

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted November 6, 2014

    Upon first discovering this book and checking it out, one might

    Upon first discovering this book and checking it out, one might be under the impression that it’s some sort of joke or spoof. Check it out anyway – trust me. I love this book. Off the bat, I find myself laughing at it – I do not mean in a mocking way. I mean because the author has a way of writing that is quite humorous. ‘Braineater Jones’ describes his surroundings and situation in a way that paints a very clear picture, provides humor and makes me need to read on. As I do, there are several mysteries afoot and none of them are your typical mystery novel style. This book is like nothing I’ve read before and I just want more.

    While Jones is undead, there isn’t any apocalypse / zombie situation going on. People are going about their lives during a difficult time in our history- some are living and some are.. well.. unliving. Jones’s personality promptly shines through, despite the fact that he cannot remember who he is – this is a brilliantly designed character surrounded by other well designed, and funny characters.

    The author was even considerate enough to include a glossary in the back to help with some of the slang from the past though I must say I didn’t find this necessary. Any phrases I hadn’t heard before were used in away that were self-explanatory meaning there was no need to be checking back & forth.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted September 22, 2014

    Stephen Kozeniewski hit it out of the park with Braineater Jones

    Stephen Kozeniewski hit it out of the park with Braineater Jones. This book had me laughing out loud and insisting to my kids that they should read it since they enjoy zombies and comedy and this book has a balance of both.  The story is about a P.I. and Stephen added the perfect dose of mystery to this slapstick, gumshoe humor. It is easy to forget that this is a zombie “horror” book when you are laughing at what Jones goes through with his best friend who happens to be just a head. Loved those parts. This book is for ALL Zombie lovers who would like a different take on a good old traditional theme.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 25, 2014

    more from this reviewer

    First, JUST LOOK at that cover! So many covers do not tell the s

    First, JUST LOOK at that cover! So many covers do not tell the story of what is inside the pages, even though a picture is supposed to be worth 1,000 words. Yeah, right. They always fail. This one? Epic job at bringing to mind what the book is going to be about.

    Second, think The Walking Dead meets Jim Butcher. Gritty, intense, hilarious at times but gruesome always! Being a mystery I was curious if I would truly be able to enjoy it but with this kind of lead character and his snarkiness, I could not NOT enjoy it. (yes double negative equals a positive!)

    The narrator's voice lent to a perfect rendition of what I imagine Jones would actually be like. His voice, deep and raspy, helped to propel my mind into a different and somewhat crazy world. It sounded amazing. Sadly, for some reason the quality wasn't all that great but the story and the essence was all able to come through just fine, it was just a rough quality at times.

    This is the second book that I've read of Stephen's and I have to say, I love his work. It's intense and there is no pulling punches with the gore that is in his stuff. He's laying it all out there but the gore isn't just for the sake of having gore. It matches the story very well.

    Now for the last part... yes, this is about zombies (sort of I guess) but it's a hugely different take on zombies. It's intriguing to say the least. I loved listening to this (again Steve Rimpici is amazing) but this is one book where I think I would have enjoyed it just as much if I had read it. Although, as I'm typing that I already have the feeling that I would miss Steve's gravelly voice.

    I really hope there's going to be more.

    Audiobook provided for review by the author.

    Please find this complete review and many others at audiobookreviewer dot com

    [If this review helped, please press YES. Thanks!]

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 16, 2014

    This book is rife with 'punny' wit. This is one of my favorite s

    This book is rife with 'punny' wit. This is one of my favorite sources of humor and the book is loaded with that when it's not action…ok, maybe even then at times.

    It begins when a man wakes up face down and naked in a swimming pool. In his torso is a hole where a bullet passed through. How did he wake up? He's a walked dead, of course. The difference here is that he's coherent, can speak, engage others and move around. His pain tolerance isn't quite what it was and he has a penchant for the liquor, but he's alive.

    Braineater Jones gets his name through a variety of clever encounters as a newborn zombie. Zombies in this world wake up with a clean slate. There's no memories of their previous life at first - these come back slowly. For Mr. Jones, they're really taking their time. So for now, he's essentially clear of all past sins and we get to tag along while he discovers clues to solving his own murder and the mysteries of this ghoulish world.

    He ends up at the Welcome Mat, a part of town that is anything but welcoming. There he finds himself a job as a detective, a bodiless Watson-esque sidekick, plenty of "Death Becomes Her" dames and an underground criminal network. Kozeniewski doesn't allow mystery-fan enough time to breathe. It was really hard to put this one down. I found Braineater Jones to be highly entertaining. He almost had a Harry Dresden quality to his quips and outlook on the craziness around him. By craziness I mean things like the Whorehouse having zombie girls that you can mix and match body parts to. I think Mr. Jones was as shocked as I. The difference is that I started laughing afterward. That is just one example of the absolutely quirky world that's been created.
    Each new case brings Jones closer to the truth and each new case brings about new problems. I loved the story, how it was told.

    I'm totally a fan of this author's undead stories and look forward to buying a few.
    I had such an entertaining time reading Braineater Jones. It was funny, had classic noir dialogue and 30's jargon. It had an intricate mystery that kept me guessing and plenty of unique characters. There was every kind of person and undead personality to be had and not one fell flat.

    The adventure and renewed self-discovery was a non-stop ride and it was definitely entertaining in the horror department

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 14, 2014

    Could not put it down

    Even though I knew the plot, thoroughly enjoyed it. Felt very 30's camp with modern feelings. For a 1st book it had the WOW factor and I didn't lose any brain cells over it.
    Looking forward to the next one.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 24, 2013

    Solid and unique zombie mystery. *Book source ~ Many thanks to

    Solid and unique zombie mystery.

    *Book source ~ Many thanks to Red Adept Publishing for providing a review copy in exchange for an honest review.

    It’s 1934 and a man wakes up naked, floating in a pool and he can’t remember who he is. Oh, and he’s dead. No, it’s not the beginning of a joke. Braineater Jones is the walking dead and he needs to figure out who he is, what happened to him and who killed him before he ends up dead dead. Or as he puts it, double dog dead. 

    I liked the premise for this story and the execution doesn’t disappoint. Wait, maybe I shouldn’t say execution. *shrugs* Braineater Jones…um, that isn’t his real name obviously since he can’t remember who he is. Anyway, Braineater wakes up naked and dead in a pool. Except he’s still functioning, albeit without a heartbeat and breathing and he has a bullet hole in his chest. Which he inspects then proceeds to look around his surroundings. 
    “After I finished fingering my hole, I went for the sliding glass doors.”  

    And that is when I knew this book was going to be entertaining. Sometimes gross and sometimes grossly funny, but always entertaining me as I went about trying to figure out the twists and turns going on in Braineater Jones life. Or unlife. Or whatever you want to call it. Told from the POV of Braineater in a journal-like way the writing is superb and the world of 1934 comes to life. Toss a zombie community into the works, some nefarious goings on and the mystery of who tried to kill Braineater and why and you get a mysterious horror story. Or a horrific mystery. Whichever floats your boat. And just to be clear, I’m not going to be eating spaghetti for awhile. All-in-all a solid and unique zombie story. Just don’t eat while you’re reading it. 

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted October 21, 2013

    more from this reviewer

    Braineater Jones by Stephen Koseniewski    This story is narrate

    Braineater Jones by Stephen Koseniewski 
    This story is narrated by Braineater Jones, we get to see his undead life through his eyes as we join him on his mission to find answers to his growing list of questions. Who is he? Who murdered him and why? Kozeniewski has invented his own brand of zombies in this story. There is no explaining who will reanimate after death and who will not. To keep their undead selves functioning and their “brain wheels” turning they must have liquor. This is a real problem during Prohibition since without alcohol they will turn into a true brain eating zombie. 
    Jones becomes a private eye of sorts for the undead community as he works his way through mysteries of his own undead life. I enjoyed reading the author’s noir style of storytelling. Here is a sample of Kozeniewski’s writing when a client comes through Jones’s door.  
    It was a dame of course. She had legs up to her eyeballs. Literally. She was carrying a pair of legs, one over each shoulder… “Pawn shop’s downstairs. Not sure if they take drumsticks but never hurts to check.” “I’m here for you, Mr. Jones,” she said… She threw the getaway sticks down on my desk. The toes were clenching, and the feet kept arching and flattening…Her brother was still controlling his legs remotely, kicking to let her know he was still alive. Undead. Whatever. It was a signal, a distress call, an S-O-S by L-E-G. 
    The plot has a good pace and the storylines intertwine into a complex web of deceit, fantastical probabilities, and a touch of sci-fi. The scenes are well depicted and the characters are unique and unlike any I have met before. This was a creative story that will draw you in and keep you guessing. If you like noir detective stories you will likely enjoy this story despite the zombie theme. I found it entertaining and hope Braineater Jones can keep himself from decomposing long enough to make this a long series.    
    FYI: Stephen Kozeniewski places this warning at the beginning of his story. “This book contains the sort of racist, sexist, and bigoted characters that were commonplace to the era in which it takes place.” It also contains other adult language that may be offensive to some. 
    There is a glossary at the end of the book for the slang and jargon used from the 1930s, which I appreciated because I really didn’t have a clue what ginchy meant. 
    Format/Typo Issues: I found no significant errors 
    **Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy.**  October 14, 2013

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 6, 2014

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing 1 – 10 of 11 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)