Can You Keep a Secret?by Sophie Kinsella
Secrets from her mother:
I lost my virginity
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With the same wicked humor, buoyant charm, and optimism that have made her Shopaholic novels beloved international bestsellers, Sophie Kinsella delivers a hilarious new novel and an unforgettable new character. Meet Emma Corrigan, a young woman with a huge heart, an irrepressible spirit, and a few little secrets:
Secrets from her mother:
I lost my virginity in the spare bedroom with Danny Nussbaum while Mum and Dad were downstairs watching Ben-Hur.
Sammy the goldfish in my parents' kitchen is not the same goldfish that Mum gave me to look after when she and Dad were in Egypt.
Secrets from her boyfriend:
I weigh one hundred and twenty-eight pounds. Not one eighteen, like Connor thinks.
I've always thought Connor looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.
From her colleagues:
When Artemis really annoys me, I feed her plant orange juice. (Which is pretty much every day.) It was me who jammed the copier that time. In fact, all the times.
Secrets she wouldn't share with anyone in the world:
My G-string is hurting me.
I have no idea what NATO stands for. Or even what it is.
Until she spills them all to a handsome stranger on a plane. At least, she thought he was a stranger.
But come Monday morning, Emma's office is abuzz about the arrival of Jack Harper, the company's elusive CEO. Suddenly Emma is face-to-face with the stranger from the plane, a man who knows every single humiliating detail about her. Things couldn't possibly get worse--Until they do.
"Kinsella's timing is so perfect, her instincts so spot-on ... delightful." —Miami Herald
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- 4.20(w) x 6.90(h) x 1.05(d)
Read an Excerpt
Can You Keep a Secret?
By Sophie Kinsella
Dial BooksCopyright © 2004 Sophie Kinsella
All right reserved.
Chapter OneOf course I have secrets.
Of course I do. Everyone has a few secrets. It's completely normal.
I'm not talking about big, earth-shattering secrets. Not the-president-is planning-to-bomb-Japan-and-only-Will-Smith- can-save-the-world type secrets. Just normal, everyday little secrets.
Like, for example, here are a few random secrets of mine, off the top of my head:
1. My Kate Spade bag is a fake.
2. I love sweet sherry, the least cool drink in the universe.
3. I have no idea what NATO stands for. Or even exactly what it is.
4. I weigh 128 pounds. Not 118, like my boyfriend, Connor, thinks. (Although, in my defense, I was planning to go on a diet when I told him that. And, to be fair, it is only one number different.)
5. I've always thought Connor looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken.
6. Sometimes, when we're right in the middle of passionate sex, I suddenly want to laugh.
7. I lost my virginity in the spare bedroom with Danny Nussbaum while Mum and Dad were downstairs watching Ben-Hur.
8. I've already drunk the wine that Dad told me to save for twenty years.
9. Sammy the goldfish at home isn't the same goldfish that Mum and Dad gave me to look after when they went to Egypt.
10. When my colleague Artemis really annoys me, I feed her plant orange juice. (Which is pretty much every day.)
11. I once had this weird lesbian dream about my flatmate Lissy.
12. My G-string is hurting me.
13. I've always had this deep-down conviction that I'm not like everybody else, and there's an amazingly exciting new life waiting for me just around the corner.
14. I have no idea what this guy in the gray suit is going on about.
15. Plus, I've already forgotten his name.
And I only met him ten minutes ago.
"We believe in multi-logistical formative alliances," he's saying in a nasal, droning voice, "both above and below the line."
"Absolutely!" I reply brightly, as though to say "Doesn't everybody?"
Multi-logistical. What does that mean, again?
Oh, God. What if they ask me?
Don't be stupid, Emma. They won't suddenly demand, What does "multi-logistical" mean? I'm a fellow marketing professional, aren't I? Obviously I know these things.
And anyway, if they mention it again, I'll change the subject. Or I'll say I'm post-logistical or something.
The important thing is to keep confident and businesslike. I can do this. This is my big chance, and I'm not going to screw it up.
I'm sitting in the offices of Glen Oil's headquarters in Glasgow, and as I glance at my reflection in the window, I look just like a top businesswoman. My shoulder-length hair is straightened, after half an hour with the hair dryer and a bottle of serum this morning. I'm wearing discreet gold swirl earrings like they tell you to in how-to-win-that-job articles. And I've got on my smart new Jigsaw suit. (At least, it's practically new. I got it from the Cancer Research shop and sewed on a button to replace the missing one, and you can hardly tell.)
I'm here representing the Panther Corporation, which is where I work. The meeting is to finalize a promotional arrangement between the new cranberry-flavored Panther Prime sports drink and Glen Oil, and I flew up this morning from London, especially.
When I arrived, the two Glen Oil marketing guys started on this long, show-offy "who's traveled the most?" conversation about air miles and the red-eye to Washington-and I think I bluffed pretty convincingly. But the truth is, this is the first time I've ever had to travel for work.
OK. The real truth is, this is the first business meeting I've attended on my own. I've been at the Panther Corporation for eleven months as a marketing assistant, which is the bottom level in our department. I started off just doing menial tasks like typing letters, getting the sandwiches, and collecting my boss Paul's dry cleaning. But after a couple of months, I was allowed to start checking copy. Then a few months ago, I got to write my very own promotional leaflet, for a tie-in with washing powder! God, I was excited. I bought a creative-writing book especially to help me, and I spent all weekend working on it. And I was really pleased with the result, even if it didn't have a misunderstood villain like the book suggested. And even if Paul did just glance at the copy and say "Fine" and kind of forget to tell anyone that I wrote it.
Since then I've done a fair bit of writing promotional literature, and I've even sat in on a few meetings with Paul. So I really think I'm moving up the ladder. In lots of ways I'm practically a marketing executive already!
Except for the tiny point that I still seem to do just as much typing as before. And getting sandwiches and collecting dry cleaning. I just do it as well as the other jobs. Especially so since our departmental secretary, Gloria, left a few weeks ago and still hasn't been replaced.
But it's all going to change; I know it is. This meeting is my big break. It's my first chance to show Paul what I'm really capable of. I had to beg him to let me go-after all, Glen Oil and Panther have done loads of deals together in the past; it's not like there'll be any surprises. But deep down I know I'm here only because I was in his office when he realized he'd double-booked with an awards lunch that most of the department were attending. So here I am, representing the company.
And my secret hope is that if I do well today, I'll get promoted. The job ad said "possibility of promotion after a year"-and it's nearly been a year. And on Monday I'm having my appraisal meeting. I looked up "Appraisals" in the staff induction book, and it said they are "an ideal opportunity to discuss possibilities for career advancement."
Career advancement! At the thought, I feel a familiar stab of longing. It would just show Dad I'm not a complete loser. And Mum. And Kerry. If I could just go home and say, "By the way, I've been promoted to marketing executive."
Emma Corrigan, marketing executive.
Emma Corrigan, senior vice-president (marketing).
As long as everything goes well today. Paul said the deal was pretty much done and dusted, and all I had to do was raise one point about timing, and even I should be able to manage that. And so far, I reckon it's going really well!
OK, so I don't understand some of the terms they're using. But then I didn't understand most of my GCSE French Oral either, and I still got a B.
"Rebranding ... analysis ... cost-effective ..."
The man in the gray suit is still droning on. As casually as possible, I extend my hand and inch his business card toward me so I can read it.
Doug Hamilton. That's right. I can remember this. Doug. Dug. Easy-I'll picture a shovel. Together with a ham. Which ... which looks ill ... and ...
OK, forget this. I'll just write it down.
I write down "rebranding" and "Doug Hamilton" on my notepad and give an uncomfortable little wriggle. God, my knickers really are uncomfortable. I mean, G-strings are never that comfortable at the best of times, but these are particularly bad. Which could be because they're two sizes too small.
Which could possibly be because when Connor bought them for me, he told the lingerie assistant I weighed 118 pounds. Whereupon she told him I must be size 4. Size 4!
So it got to Christmas Eve, and we were exchanging presents, and I unwrapped this pair of gorgeous pale pink silk knickers. Size 4. And I basically had two options.
A: Confess the truth: "Actually, these are too small. I'm more of an eight, and by the way, I don't really weigh one hundred eighteen pounds."
B: Shoehorn myself into them.
Actually, it was fine. You could hardly see the red lines on my skin afterward. And all it meant was that I had to quickly cut the labels out of my clothes so Connor would never realize.
Since then, I've hardly ever worn this particular set of underwear, needless to say. But every so often I see them, looking all nice and expensive in the drawer, and think, Oh, come on, they can't be that tight, and somehow squeeze into them. Which is what I did this morning. I even decided I must have lost weight, because they didn't feel too bad.
I am such a deluded moron.
"... unfortunately, since rebranding ... major rethink ... feel we need to be considering alternative synergies ..."
Up to now I've just been sitting and nodding, thinking this business meeting is really easy. But now Doug Hamilton's voice starts to impinge on my consciousness. What's he saying?
"... two products diverging ... becoming incompatible ..."
What was that about incompatible? What was that about a major rethink? I feel a jolt of alarm.
"We appreciate the functional and synergetic partnership that Panther and Glen Oil have enjoyed in the past," Doug Hamilton is saying, "but you'll agree that clearly we're going in different directions."
My stomach gives an anxious lurch.
He can't be-
Is he trying to pull out of the deal?
"Excuse me, Doug," I say in my most relaxed voice. "Obviously I was closely following what you were saying earlier." I give a friendly, we're-all-professionals-together smile. "But if you could just ... um, recap the situation for all our benefits ..."
In plain English, I beg silently.
Doug Hamilton and the other guy exchange glances.
"We're a little unhappy about your brand values," says Doug Hamilton.
"My brand values?" I echo in panic.
"The brand values of the product," he says, giving me an odd look. "As I've been explaining, we here at Glen Oil are going through a rebranding process at the moment, and we see our new image very much as a caring petrol, as our new daffodil logo demonstrates. And we feel Panther Prime, with its emphasis on sport and competition, is simply too aggressive."
"Aggressive?" I stare at him in bewilderment. "But ... it's a fruit drink."
This makes no sense. Glen Oil is fume-making, world-ruining petrol. Panther Prime is an innocent cranberry-flavored drink. How can it be too aggressive?
"The values it espouses." He gestures to the marketing brochures on the table. "Drive. Elitism. Masculinity. The very slogan 'Don't Pause. Frankly, it seems a little dated." He shrugs. "We just don't think a joint initiative will be possible."
No. No. This can't be happening. He can't be pulling out.
Everyone at the office will think it was my fault. They'll think I cocked it up and I'm completely crap.
My heart is thumping. My face is hot. I can't let this happen. But what do I say? I haven't prepared anything. Paul said the promotion was all set up, and all I had to do was tell them we wanted to bring it forward to June.
"We'll certainly discuss it again before we make a decision," Doug's saying. He gives me a brief smile. "And as I say, we would like to continue links with the Panther Corporation, so this has been a useful meeting, in any case...."
He's pushing back his chair.
I can't let this slip away! I have to try to win them around.
"Wait!" I hear myself say. "Just ... wait a moment! I have a few points to make."
There's a can of Panther Prime sitting on the desk, and I grab it for inspiration. Playing for time, I stand up, walk to the center of the room, and raise the can high into the air where we can all see it. "Panther Prime is ... a sports drink."
I stop, and there's a polite silence. My face is prickling. "It, um, it is very ..."
Oh, God. What am I doing?
Come on, Emma. Think. Think Panther Prime.... Think Panther Cola. ... Think.... Think....
Yes! Of course!
"Since the launch of Panther Cola in the late 1980s, Panther drinks have been a byword for energy, excitement, and excellence," I say fluently.
Thank God. This is the standard marketing blurb for Panther Cola. I've typed it out so many times, I could recite it in my sleep.
"Panther drinks are a marketing phenomenon," I continue. "The Panther character is one of the most widely recognized in the world, while the classic slogan 'Don't Pause' has made it into dictionaries. We are offering Glen Oil an exclusive opportunity to strengthen its association with this premium, world-famous brand."
My confidence growing, I start to stride around the room, gesturing with the can. "By buying a Panther health drink, the consumer is signaling that he will settle for nothing but the best." I hit the can sharply with my other hand. "He expects the best from his energy drink, he expects the best from his petrol, he expects the best from himself."
I'm flying! I'm fantastic! If Paul could see me now, he'd give me a promotion on the spot!
I come over to the desk and look Doug Hamilton right in the eye. "When the Panther consumer opens that can, he is making a choice that tells the world who he is. I'm asking Glen Oil to make the same choice."
As I finish speaking, I plant the can firmly in the middle of the desk, reach for the ring pull, and, with a cool smile, snap it back.
And a volcano erupts.
Fizzy cranberry-flavored drink explodes in a whoosh out of the can, drenching the papers and blotters in lurid red liquid ... and-oh, no, please no-spattering all over Doug Hamilton's shirt.
"Fuck!" I gasp. "I mean, I'm really sorry-"
"Jesus Christ," says Doug Hamilton irritably, standing up and getting a handkerchief out of his pocket. "Does this stuff stain?"
"Er ..." I grab the can helplessly. "I don't know."
"I'll get a cloth," says the other guy, and leaps to his feet.
The door closes behind him and there's silence, apart from the sound of cranberry drink dripping slowly onto the floor.
I stare at Doug Hamilton, my face hot and blood throbbing through my ears.
"Please ..." My voice is husky. "Don't tell my boss."
After all that, I screwed it up.
As I drag my heels across the concourse at Glasgow Airport, I feel completely dejected. Doug Hamilton was quite sweet in the end. He said he was sure the stain would come out, and promised he wouldn't tell Paul what happened. But he didn't change his mind about the deal.
My first big chance-and this is what happens. I feel like phoning the office and saying, "That's it. I'm never coming back again, and by the way, it was me who jammed the photocopier that time."
But I can't. This is my third career in four years. It has to work. For my own self-worth. For my own self-esteem. And also because I owe my dad four thousand quid.
I've arrived at the airport with an hour to go, and have headed straight for the bar. "So what can I get you?" says the Australian bartender, and I look up at him in a daze.
"Erm ..." My mind is blank. "Er, white wine. No, actually, a vodka and tonic. Thanks."
As he moves away, I slump down again in my stool. An air hostess with fair hair in a French plait comes and sits down two bar stools away. She smiles at me, and I smile weakly in return.
Excerpted from Can You Keep a Secret? by Sophie Kinsella Copyright © 2004 by Sophie Kinsella. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
What People are saying about this
"Kinsella's timing is so perfect, her instincts so spot-on ... delightful." —Miami Herald
Meet the Author
Sophie Kinsella is the author of the bestselling Shopaholic series, as well as the novels Can You Keep A Secret?, The Undomestic Goddess, Remember Me?, Twenties Girl, I’ve Got Your Number, and Wedding Night. She lives in England.
- London, England
- Date of Birth:
- December 12, 1969
- Place of Birth:
- London, England
- B.A. in Politics, Philosophy and Economics, Oxford University, 1990; M.Mus., King's College, London, 1992
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Like my headline: Don't read the book outdoors(Although I enjoyed reading it outside). I am a student. I bring my book to park, library, and of course to school. I always laugh out loud. People will turn their heads and will give me a this-kid-is-really-crazy-so-we-must-stay-away-from-him look. now you know why I said don't bring it outside! This book is not just a book written to make someone happy. This book is a perfect entertainment in a bind form. This is my very first book from Sophie Kinsella, Since then, I've started loving her books. Every time I see her books on Barnes and Noble, I totally go "I must have a copy". And now that I'm in book 3 of the shopaholic series, I have a faith in every Sophie Kinsella's book that it will never ever disappoint me.
I am a voracious reader who enjoys chicklit novels. This is one of the best books I have read. a must read if you like to laugh.
Loved it. Not the first book I read by this talented author.
This book in so many words was haha real joy to read. About a pip of a brit girl with no real idea what to do with her life in a job she never really enjoyed. Her life and love and fears, and all full of thoughts of the things we have ever thought about biyfriends and colleagues. Her humiliations and various ludicrous secrets no one was to ever find out. In the period of one day a girls life is changed forever. The authore has a different writing style which may take a minute to get used to. Happy times, girl-gut wrenching drama of a funny sort and even a little romance. These things could happen to any girl or guy, even the romance........;). Dont just critique the book read it for th joy of reading and really lose yourself to the story it's a fun time. Even as an added bonus theres a moral, sit down grab a blanket and some coffee or java any drink of choice and dont be afraid to laugh out loud or even yell at the book.
i didn't want to read this one at first. it seemed too girly and cutesy. but i ended up laughing outloud & really relating to her. the main character reminded me alot of bridget jones, so if you like her you will probably love it! but either way, i have to say it was really funny & not your typical girl novel.
I absolutely love this book. I thought it was so hilarious that I found myself laughing out loud during more than occasion. I really enjoyed the character, down to earth and free spirited.
This book is very well written. Laugh out loud funny!
Couldn't put it down! Read it in one night!
I love the wit and romance. Laugh out loud funny! Just like the chemical romance in Austen's Pride and Prejuidice, Emma and Jack are the modern day Darcy couple.
I absolutely loved this book. If you don't mind laughing out loud in public, this book is for you. I honestly could not stop myself from laughing out loud from beginning to end and this book has become one of my favorites. You can easily identify with the main character, Emma, and while reading you become completely immersed into her world with all the twists and turns it takes. Read. This. Book.
There were so many funny moments in this story and the storyline was very believable! This is one i could read again and again:)
What a breath of freah air. I want more! I didn't want the laughs to end and didn't want to say goodbye to my beloved friends. First Sophie Kinsella book. Won't be my last! Read this book! AND enJOY!
Amazing! Ur missing out if dont read this book
I laughed I cried I even found myself talking to the book at one time... Lmbo. My emotions were all over the place I fell in love, I became upset I thought it would be more to it. Not one disappointing moment ( OK, maybe one) it seems like the story ended when her new life began. Good read!
Hilarious situations. Good entertainment when you don't have to think too much.
I enjoyed it and will read more from this author.
This is my absolute favorite book of hers. It's hilarious, like laugh out loud funny! Whenever i'm sad or bored, I just pick up this book and begin to read and it instantly lightens me up. I have read it like three times. A lovely romantic comedy!
This is the first Sophia Kinsella book I've read. I'm hooked! I laughed throughout the entire book. LOVED this book.
I LOVE this book. I laughed out loud from beginning to end. If you're looking for a light, enjoyable read, this is the book for you!
Loved it. So romantic! I mean, can i have a shot at this guy?! Amazing..... i think im in love! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!
Like all of Ms. Kinsella's books, this one has a likeable heroine, a breezy plot and is just plain fun. A good book to read on vacation or when you need some mild escape from life's problems.
If you enjoyed BRidget Jones. Youll love this laugh out loud heroine. Did not want to put it down. Pure entertainment..plan on reading authors other books. Light, airy and oh so funny!
I am not generally a fan of foreign based books but this one was pretty good. No laugh out loud funny moments, but definitely some smiles. Would recommend.
This was a really fun read, I was interested in the story the whole time. It is a little bit Cinderella story but enjoyable!
This book is about the underdog fighting 2 become the person she always knew she was inside and making the world see it too. Highly recommended!