Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

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Overview

The world will end on Saturday. Next Saturday. Just before dinner, according to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies written in 1655. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing and everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture. And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist.

Put New York Times bestselling authors Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett together . . . and all Hell breaks loose.

Editorial Reviews

Detroit Free Press
What's so funny about Armageddon? Mor than you'd think...Good Omens has arrived just in time!
From The Critics
Outrageous...read it for a riotous good laugh!

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060853983
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 11/28/2006
  • Format: Mass Market Paperback
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 432
  • Sales rank: 23,824
  • Lexile: 830L (what's this?)
  • Product dimensions: 4.18 (w) x 6.75 (h) x 1.08 (d)

Meet the Author

Neil Gaiman
Neil Gaiman
Novelist Neil Gaiman has sent a British businessman tumbling into a fantastic underworld and had a devil and angel comically conspiring to thwart the Apocalypse. He found his biggest success, though, in Death, Dreams and Destruction -- and the four other similarly named siblings who controlled the reins of the human race's emotional impulses in his graphic-novel series The Sandman, a wholesale rejuvenation of graphic fiction that had everyone from Tori Amos to Norman Mailer spinning with, yes, Delirium.

Biography

Neil Gaiman thought he wrote comic books. But a newspaper editor, of course, set him straight.

Back when he was riding the diabolical headwinds of his popular series of graphic novels, The Sandman, the author attended a party where he introduced himself as a comic-book writer to a newspaper's literary editor. But when the editor quickly realized who this actually was -- and the glaze melted from his eyes -- he offered Gaiman a correction tinged with astonishment: "My God, man, you don't write comics, you write graphic novels." Relating the story to theLos Angeles Times in 1995, Gaiman said, "I suddenly felt like someone who had been informed that she wasn't a hooker, that in fact she was a lady of the evening."

Gaiman's done much more, of course, than simply write graphic novels, having coauthored, with Terry Pratchett, Good Omens, a comic novel about the Apocalypse; adapted into hardcover the BBC miniseries Neverwhere about the dark underworld beneath the streets of London; and, inspired by his young daughter, put a horrifying spin on C.S. Lewis' wardrobe doors for Coraline, a children's book about a passageway into a magical, yet malevolent, land.

But it is The Sandman that is Gaiman's magnum opus.

Though he had told a career counselor in high school that he wanted to pen comic books, he had a career as a freelance journalist before his first graphic novel, Violent Cases, was published in England in 1987. DC Comics discovered him and The Sandman was born. Or reborn, actually. The comic debuted back in 1939 with a regular-Joe crime fighter in the lead. But in Gaiman's hands the tale had a more otherworldly spin, slowing introducing readers to the seven siblings Endless: Dream, Death, Desire, Destiny, Destruction, Despair and Delirium (once Delight). They all have their roles in shaping the fates of man. In fact, when Death was imprisoned for decades, the results were devastating. Richard Nixon reached The White House and Michael Jackson the Billboard charts.

Direction from newspaper editors notwithstanding, to Gaiman, these stories are still comic books. The man who shuttled back and forth between comics and classics in his formative years and can pepper his writing with references to Norse mythology as well as the vaudevillian rock group Queen, never cottoned to such highbrow/lowbrow distinctions. Comparing notes on a yachting excursion with members of the Irish rock band U2, the writer who looks like a rock star and Delirium and the rock stars who gave themselves comic-worthy names such as Bono and The Edge came to a realization: Whether the medium is pop music or comic books, not being taken seriously can be a plus. "It's safer to be in the gutter," he told The Washington Post in 1995.

In 1995, Gaiman brought The Sandman to a close and began spending more time on his nongraphic fiction, including a couple of short-story collections. A few years later he released Stardust, an adult fairy tale that has young Tristan Thorn searching for a fallen star to woo the lovely but cold Victoria Forester. In 2001, he placed an ex-con named Shadow in the middle of a war between the ancient and modern dieties in American Gods. Coming in October 2002 is another departure: an audio recording of Two Plays for Voices, which stars Bebe Neuwirth as a wise queen doing battle with a bloodthirsty child and Brian Dennehy as the Angel of Vengeance investigating the first crime in history in heaven's City of Angels.

Gaiman need not worry about defining his artistic relevance, since so many other seem to do it for him. Stephen King, Roger Zelazny and Harlan Ellison are among those who have contributed introductions to his works. William Gibson, the man who coined the term "cyberspace," called him a "a writer of rare perception and endless imagination" as well as "an American treasure." (Even though he's, technically, a British treasure transplanted to the American Midwest.) Even Norman Mailer has weighed in: "Along with all else, Sandman is a comic strip for intellectuals, and I say it's about time."

The gushiest praise, however, may come from Frank McConnell, who barely contained himself in the pages of the political and artistic journal Commonweal. Saying Gaiman "may just be the most gifted and important storyteller in English," McConnell crowned Sandman as the most important act of fiction of the day. "And that, not just because of the brilliance and intricacy of its storytelling -- and I know few stories, outside the best of Joyce, Faulkner, and Pynchon, that are more intricate," he wrote in October 1995, " but also because it tells its wonderful and humanizing tale in a medium, comic books, still largely considered demimonde by the tenured zombies of the academic establishment."

"If Sandman is a 'comic,'" he concluded, "then The Magic Flute is a 'musical' and A Midsummer Night's Dream is a skit. Read the damn thing: it's important."

Good To Know

Some fascinating factoids from our interview with Gaiman:

"One of the most enjoyable bits of writing Sandman was getting authors whose work I love to write the introductions for the collected graphic novels -- people like Steve Erickson, Gene Wolfe, Harlan Ellison, Clive Barker, Peter Straub, Mikal Gilmore, and Samuel R. Delany."

"I have a big old Addams Family house, with -- in the summertime -- a vegetable garden, and I love growing exotic pumpkins. As a boy in England I used to dream about Ray Bradbury Hallowe'ens, and am thrilled that I get them these days. Unless I'm on the road signing people's books, of course."

"According to my daughters, my most irritating habit is asking for cups of tea."

"I love radio -- and love the availability of things like the Jack Benny radio shows in MP3 format. I'm addicted to BBC radio 7, and keep buying boxed CD sets of old UK radio programs, things like Round the Horne and Hancock's Half Hour. Every now and again I'll write a radio play."

"I love thunderstorms, old houses, and dreams."

    1. Hometown:
      Minneapolis, Minnesota
    1. Date of Birth:
      November 10, 1960
    2. Place of Birth:
      Portchester, England
    1. Education:
      Attended Ardingly College Junior School, 1970-74, and Whitgift School, 1974-77
    2. Website:

Read an Excerpt

Good Omens

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
By Neil Gaiman

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Neil Gaiman
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060853964

Chapter One


Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it was created at all and didn't just start, as it were, unoffi cially, it came into being between ten and twenty thousand million years ago. By the same token the earth itself is generally supposed to be about four and a half thousand million years old.

These dates are incorrect.

Medieval Jewish scholars put the date of the Creation at 3760 B.C. Greek Orthodox theologians put Creation as far back as 5508 B.C.

These suggestions are also incorrect.

Archbishop James Usher (1580-1656) published Annales Veteris et Novi Testamenti in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 B.C. One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 B.C., at exactly 9:00 A.M., because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh.

This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour.

The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologistshaven't seen yet.

This proves two things:

Firstly, that God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players,* to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infi nite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Secondly, the Earth's a Libra.

The astrological prediction for Libra in the "Your Stars Today"

column of the Tadfi eld Advertiser, on the day this history begins, read as follows:

Libra. September 24-October 23.

You may be feeling run down and always in the same old daily round. Home and family matters are highlighted and are hanging fi re. Avoid unnecessary risks. A friend is important to you. Shelve major decisions until the way ahead seems clear. You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, so avoid salads. Help could come from an unexpected quarter.

This was perfectly correct on every count except for the bit about the salads.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night.

It should have been, but that's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is fi nished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime.

But don't let the fog (with rain later, temperatures dropping to around forty-fi ve degrees) give anyone a false sense of security. Just because it's a mild night doesn't mean that dark forces aren't abroad. They're abroad all the time. They're everywhere.

They always are. That's the whole point.

Two of them lurked in the ruined graveyard. Two shadowy figures, one hunched and squat, the other lean and menacing, both of them Olympic-grade lurkers. If Bruce Springsteen had ever recorded "Born to Lurk," these two would have been on the album cover. They had been lurking in the fog for an hour now, but they had been pacing themselves and could lurk for the rest of the night if necessary, with still enough sullen menace left for a final burst of lurking around dawn.

Finally, after another twenty minutes, one of them said: "Bugger this for a lark. He should of been here hours ago."

The speaker's name was Hastur. He was a Duke of Hell.

Many Phenomena -- wars, plagues, sudden audits -- have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man, but whenever students of demonology get together the M25 London orbital motorway is generally agreed to be among the top contenders for Exhibit A.

Where they go wrong, of course, is in assuming that the wretched road is evil simply because of the incredible carnage and frustration it engenders every day.

In fact, very few people on the face of the planet know that the very shape of the M25 forms the sigil odegra in the language of the Black Priesthood of Ancient Mu, and means "Hail the Great Beast, Devourer of Worlds." The thousands of motorists who daily fume their way around its serpentine lengths have the same effect as water on a prayer wheel, grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil to pollute the metaphysical atmosphere for scores of miles around.

It was one of Crowley's better achievements. It had taken years to achieve, and had involved three computer hacks, two break-ins, one minor bribery and, on one wet night when all else had failed, two hours in a squelchy fi eld shifting the marker pegs a few but occultly incredibly signifi cant meters. When Crowley had watched the fi rst thirty-mile-long tailback he'd experienced the lovely warm feeling of a bad job well done.

It had earned him a commendation.

Crowley was currently doing 110 mph somewhere east of Slough. Nothing about him looked particularly demonic, at least by classical standards. No horns, no wings. Admittedly he was listening to a Best of Queen tape, but no conclusions should be drawn from this because all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums. No particularly demonic thoughts were going through his head. In fact, he was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.

Crowley had dark hair and good cheekbones and he was wearing snakeskin shoes, or at least presumably he was wearing shoes, and he could do really weird things with his tongue. And, whenever he forgot himself, he had a tendency to hiss.

He also didn't blink much.

The car he was driving was a 1926 black Bentley, one owner from new, and that owner had been Crowley. He'd looked after it.

Continues...


Excerpted from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman Copyright © 2006 by Neil Gaiman. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Customer Reviews
Average Rating 4.5
( 414 )

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  • Posted May 7, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Amazing!!

    I had heard about this book and thought i might try it out, and thank goodness i did! Its a wonderfully funny storyline and dramatic at the same time. And as some reviews say, "The Apocalypse couldnt be any funnier!" Heck, who wouldnt want the end of the world to be funny? Its fun, and a must read! I know that i'm going to have to buy more copies since i read it so much! *wink*

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 6, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    A classic

    This is a great book seamlessly written by 2 authors in a way that you are unable to tell who has written what. The characters are interestingand fun, and the details are compelling and entertaining. I love this book so much that I have purchased 4 copies of it over the years and have had to repurchase because someone has borrowed it and has not returned it. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read an offbeat book that does not talk down to the reader.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 17, 2011

    I am thrilled to own this in eBook

    I keep having to buy it again and again because it's so good I keep loaning it to my friends and I never get it back. They refuse to let it go! But now it gets to stay with me and be mine forever :)

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 27, 2011

    You might want to scrible boring on some pages

    There are things and really liked about this book and things I personally got annoyed with.

    Things I didn't like were: Rambling, unfunny unnessesary whole pages of writing. Besides Aziraphael <3, Crowley <3, and the four horsepersons I didnt care at all for any of the other switching muiltiple and often random fleeting characters point of views with their rambling usually not quite funny and, except for a few key lines you might miss that add something to the plot, very skippable sceens. There were funny and interesting bits but overall an annotated version of this book would rock.

    Only Aziraphale and Crowleys parts are worth reading all the way through. These two are interesting for being a not quite pure Angel and a not compleately evil in fact has a good side Demon. Besides them I wanted almost everyone elses part to be annotated for me.

    Adam(a very central character) and his Them gang are a compleate bore. The author even admits through one of the characters saying it that their 'conversations' ramble (I cant use that word enough). Its more like 6 year old chatter chatter debate chatter, boring!

    I guess it was a sort of a whos to say what some might find funny and others dont so they left all the rambling that would appeal to different people? I just did not like the 'voice' of the authors throughout this. But besides that, I was really into the plot and I wanted to know what was going on. I even stoped halfway and told myself to stop skipping and restarted the book so I could get it. And of course some of the characters were very very memorable and I want to hear more about. I picked mine you can pick yours.

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 10, 2010

    Quirky, cerebral, amusing, and damn funny

    If it weren't for both authors' further writings and illustrious careers this would be a "one hit wonder" showing a "flash of brilliance." Alas, they went on to write copiously and sell obscenely (not vice versa!) so it is just a damn good start to a fine vocational pathway. Lucky us, the readers. There are pithy theological jests, and protracted post-modern diatribes that delight those who are comfortable challenging religious fundamentalism. Oh...and we finally get the answer to "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin." Brilliant and deceptively challenging while highly entertaining.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 18, 2010

    Fun read

    Great book, high energy, fun read.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 20, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    Brilliant, funny favorite

    I first read this book when I was 13, much too young to appreciate every reference, and I liked it then. Every re-read has made me like it more. The fate of the world is at stake, and still I laugh at the humor, the absurdity, the *humanity* that shines through.

    It's not a simple book - the language is smart and the plot has several lines that do tie together nicely. But it's enjoyable to read, not snooty or dense. The characters are fabulous and unique.

    I've given this book as a gift for a huge range of people - my mom, my husband, my minister, my best friend's new girlfriend. They adored it. You should know, though, that any humorous book that takes on the anti-Christ, witches, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, angels, demons, and Armageddon is not going to appeal to everyone. Especially not those who have an extremely literal take on Biblical matters and an underdeveloped sense of humor. For everyone else, this is highly recommended.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted April 19, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    The Funniest Mistake Ever

    This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. It's one of those books that has you laughing so hard people start to stare at you. Gaiman and Pratchett together are unstopable!

    One word of advice: Don't skip the footnotes!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted October 27, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    Good Omens

    You will never hear me complain about Neil Gaiman¿s imagination or creativity. I would not know much about Terry Pratchett, author of Discworld, because I have never really been interested in reading his stuff, but I simply had to give this book a try, based entirely on the irony of its subject.

    For all intents and purposes, this book is an apocalyptic one, albeit shot up with a good amount of humor, where a satanic nun accidentally hands the antichrist to the wrong family and the kid ends up growing up as¿just a normal kid. The four riders of apocalypse are actually four motorcyclists (Hell¿s Angels), and a not always competent angels and demon are handed the task of keeping good and evil in balance until the end of days. With witches, witch finders, celestial and hellish creatures cut loose, this book counts down to the day that will end it all in a big war for which both Heaven and Hell have long been preparing for.

    There is no question that this was a very fun read, the humor in it more than laugh out loud at points, however, it lacked the depth that Neil Gaiman¿s other books have had. Perhaps it is the fact that so many characters enter the story, from the Metatron (the voice of God) to Newt, a young man who thinks he is enlisting for the army, only to find out he has enlisted for an army of witchfinders composed of no more than two people¿and that is including himself. The characters are very colorful, but at the same time not very deep. The potential for greater exploration is there, but instead this book is kept light, meant to be much more comical than serious about its subject and that is not necessarily a bad thing, simply something you need to be aware of.

    All in all, it was a fun read and would recommend it to anybody just looking for a good laugh and something to pass time with. But not to anybody looking for a serious read about the end of days.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 21, 2007

    Funny but not hilarious

    When I got this book I was very excited at the prospect of reading a witty laugh-out-loud book that I had heard so much about. When I finished though, I was dissapointed. Although this book was marginally witty and funny the guffawing moments that I had expected were few and far between. Also, I did not understand many of the references in Omens- I had to look up the Dick Turpin reference on Wikipedia (FYI Dick Turpin was an English highwayman which was why Newt said 'wherever I go, I hold up traffic' HaHA). I recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Pratchett, Gaiman, or light humorous novels.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2012

    GREAT

    Amazing it jumped to the top of my all time favorite booklist before i'd even finished it, the writing, the character interactions are hysterical the plot, the perfect comedy take on the end of the world. This book manages to take every apocaliptic cliche and by turns take it absurdly literally then blast it with humanity and soul, it will make you laugh out loud and really think. Then you'll think about reading it again, then lending it to your friends, and last trying to get it back from them! The earlier warnings were true I lent it to my dad and couldnt get it back! Read this book, then every other book by both these author they are phenomenal! You hav
    e just stumbled onto a gold mine of imagination and humor.

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  • Posted February 5, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Great Book

    Great Book

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  • Posted January 28, 2012

    Extremely funny!

    Good Omens is one of the funniest books available. I can't recommend it highly enough.

    The writing is great. The story line flows effortlessly. I can't imagine anyone not enjoying Good Omens.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 13, 2012

    Amazing

    This book is amazing and if you are a fan of the omen it's much better.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 6, 2012

    well done

    Fun read! Pratchett and Gaiman play so well off each other in their writing styles. I enjoyed it from beginning to end.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 1, 2012

    Great on Nook!

    Wonderfully satirical, irreverent take on the Apocalypse. Very funny, and I'm so impressed with how beautifully the Nook handles footnotes.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 7, 2011

    Great book

    Strongly recommend

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 2, 2011

    The best book of al time

    I'm a avid reader and have read plenty of books in my day but this one continues to be my favorite. Thos book not only makes you think but makes you laugh at nearly every page. The characters are just too likeable and this is book portrays a wonderful view of Armaggedon. If you don't believe me just look online and I guarentee you will find millions of people raving about this awesome book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 26, 2011

    Wonderful read

    This book is unique. The way this book approaches religeon in a literal and humorous way.

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  • Posted October 19, 2011

    THIS BOOK IS CONFUSING

    Where do writers come up with such crap? The narrarator is horrible! If you like to be confused and annoyed, read this; if not, don't buy this one!!

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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