Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Part 1 The Sound of the Suburbs

The suburbs are what make Britain great 15

Not every age needs a Churchill or a de Gaulle 19

Once in a while just go for it, hell for leather 23

Peace and freedom: the blessings of capitalism 27

Six reasons why I'm an uber-moderniser 31

MPs? Well, I can't trust anyone. Not even you 35

I'd never voted Tory. But changing was easy 39

It's human to dread change and fear loss 43

Labour hasn't got a monopoly on compassion 47

No, I won't be asking for a foreign passport 51

Part 2 The Rules of Politics

Now here's a spiffing idea… 57

Why a mobile phone on a beach sends out a stark message to Gordon Brown 61

Happy birthday! We like you 65

Top Tory tips: climb the ladder, check out the ceiling and see the cheese 69

Let me flog you a used car 73

Guess the weight of the ox: then you will see what's wrong with our politics 77

Enough substance, Mr Cameron. Stick to style … because you're worth it 81

Ooh matron! I'm sick of fizzy populism 86

Curse of the Premier of the Month 90

Some sage advice: ignore the results 94

Everyone agrees he's got to go. So why hasn't he? 98

Keep plugging away. The brand is a winner 102

This isn't Fox: The Movie. It's messy, real life 106

This politico has a lesson for 'the real world' 110

There's only one solution to the PM's dilemma 114

What happens in Syria will not stay in Syria 118

71 days to go and Ed has no campaign in sight 123

Bad news for Labour: you're stuck with him 128

Part 3 The Arrow of History

The 2016 Isaiah Berlin Lecture 135

1968 violence: blame the bulge 153

Understand Chelsea versus Sheffield, and you will see the Iraq game plan 157

Mr Blair's final magic trick will begin shortly 161

Would you pass or fail the Kinnock Test? 165

Berlusconi's antics are everybody's business 169

The political class is losing, not gaining, power 173

Labour leadership hopefuls stuck in the past 177

Rees-Mogg's Brexit history lesson is bunkum 181

Part 4 People

Walt Disney … Defend Disney from his Mickey Mouse critics 187

Hillary Clinton … Hillary's flaws have defined the US election 191

Clement Attlee … A review of Citizen Clem: A Biography of Attlee John Bew 195

Chuck Berry … A political revolutionary 199

Ted Sorensen and JFK … Obama must learn from the real Jack Kennedy 203

Ayn Rand and Karl Marx … Beware zealots who lack the human touch 207

Gordon Brown … The problem all along, Mr Brown, was you 211

Millicent Fawcett … The Fawcett statue will be a true landmark 215

Robert McNamara … From the fog of war come three hard truths 219

Gary Becker … The man who won a Nobel Prize for parking 223

Winston Churchill … The wartime leader was a great man, but a racist nonetheless 227

Muhammad Ali … The boxer could sting like an extremist 231

John Major … They didn't listen to him then. They are now 236

Nelson Mandela … Rising above victimhood 240

Margaret Thatcher … It wasn't her that divided us 244

Margaret Thatcher … The last prime minister of the Second World War 248

Brian Epstein … and the triumph of capitalism 252

David Bowie … Rock's great rebel owed it all to capitalism 256

William Hague … His two faces are the two faces of Toryism 261

Luciana Berger … Her exit was a distressing sight 265

Donald Trump … and the pastor who propelled him to the top 269

Theresa May … and how history will see her 273

Jeremy Thorpe … The extraordinary story of a fantasist 277

George Martin … From the Goons to the Beatles 281

Part 5 Pastimes

Hours not to reason why (or how I'm pushed for Times) 291

Football's ridiculous. And unfair. But it's such fun 294

Hamilton musical makes a Founding Father a hero of our time 298

Whose finger on the off switch? 302

Fidget in the office to beat the fat 306

Oscar night: can real men get red-carpet ready? 309

Thank you for your highly original idea … 312

Our sepia-tinted PMs were arrogant and remote 316

Part 6 Crime and the Law

Serial killers and serial errors 323

All that clairvoyant stuff, I don't see it myself 326

J'accuse: this man must not languish in jail 330

These bundles of charges pose a real danger 334

We should all be free to choose how we die 338

Prosecutors don't know how biased they are 342

Part 7 My Times

It's simple, all the new leader has to do is to win over some new voters 349

Tonies and Phonies 353

The truth behind Cameron's victory: the triumph of the Smith Square set 357

No, no, no. You've got it all wrong. It's Brown that's New Labour, not Blair 361

The best-dressed corpse in the morgue 365

Tying the knot? For you, we promise £5,000 369

Our high inheritance taxes must go, pass it on 373

Israel acts because the world won't defend it 377

If you don't like voters, they won't like you 381

Gay marriage - such a conservative idea 385

Soon it will be mainstream to say 'leave the EU' 389

If we don't cut the deficit now, when will we? 394

If Scots file for divorce, we'll need a good lawyer 398

Labour's hypocrisy has brought us to this crisis 402

Shy Tories are not really shy … or Tory 407

As Greece shows, threats will get you nowhere 411

Let's face it, the EU rescued us from failure 416

Killer flaw at the heart of the Brexit campaign 420

If Labour split, what sort of new party would be formed? 424

We must stand up to the populist blackmail 428

This election will sweep away the old politics 432

True socialism always ends with the Stasi 437

Jeremy Corbyn's worldview is made for anti-Semites 441

Boris Johnson's tax-cut promise is sheer folly 446

Corbyu's grand plan is to replace Parliament 450

Acknowledgements 455

Index 457