Table of Contents

Contents
Acknowledgements xi

Introduction – Out of our Heads 1

1: These Drugs of Subtle Virtue 7
The Land Rover: a paean 12
Great Wee Roads: a digression 20

2: Does not Rhyme with ‘Outlay’ 25
Pronunciation: a word 29
Once upon a time: distilling as cottage industry 32
Distillery aesthetics: a highly partial overview 33
Childhood: a sentimental detour 42

3: Exploding Custard Factories 45
Whisky: the how-to bit 48
Notes: a note 60

4: To Jura 67
Willy’s Definitive Dram Definition 71
The Toby’s Party/The Balcony Scene story 74

5: The Heart of the Water 87
The midge: microscopic megascourge 92
Les and Iain’s Guide to Sensible Sailing 98
Loch Shiel: an appreciation, with reservations 99
Cask Strength 102
Drinking: you’d think it would be obvious 105
And that’s one of the good ones 107

6: WhiskyLandWorldVille! 111
Altitude problem 121

7: Break for Curry 135
Scotland: land of contrasts (not) 140
The Highlands: their identification and use 142
Highway the hard way: a road bore writes 151

8: Fear and Loathing in Glenlivet 157
The Jag: all the fruity flavour of yesteryear 159
Substances: the usual disclaimer 165

9: The Awemsys of Azshashoshz 183
Azshashoshz: that etymology in full 186
Head crash: talking on empty 196
McCartney: the case for madness 198
Ditto Brown: telling who your real friends are 201

10: Welcome to the Land of Heederum-Hawderum 207
Happy cars: in defence of anthropomorphism 209
What Happened to My Car 227

11: The Smell of a Full Scottish Breakfast in the Morning 233
How much? Nested digressions around Aussie wine 236
Writers: What Not to Say 252
Stop Press Handy Anti-Midge Tip 260

12: Porridge and Scottishness, Football and Fireworks 261
Fitba and the Greater Morality 274

13: Just the Whole Gantry, Then 285
Why Roger and I have mixed feelings about Brad 301

14: The Ends of the Country 311
Welcome to the Free World 313
Illegality: a thought experiment 327
Orkney: a Handy Hint on blending in 330

15: Tunnel Biking 335
Last rant before the end 346
Redman’s Blues 350

16: A Secret Still 353
Further Reading Pronunciation Guide 365