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Even though Jay and I have been married for almost 18 years, I continue to discover better ways to communicate with him. He enjoys talking to me about changes in law. I confess that I am more interested in other topics; nevertheless, because Jay is an attorney, I understand that he likes to talk about law. Since I love him, I listen. Occasionally while he is talking, my mind drifts from the subject of law because I do not comprehend his intent, thoughts, and feelings. I have a difficult time understanding the significance of the words and the emotions behind them. Using some of the skills of reading body language that are explained in this chapter, I look at his entire face and body posture. Listening to his voice, I notice that it is flat, lacking inflection, and that the words are mostly factual. His body language is not communicating effectively how he is feeling about the topic. His intents, thoughts and feelings are not sending a clear message. Therefore, it is a challenge for me to read his signals and understand the content and significance of his communication. I ask, “Can you explain, using words that express how you feel, so that I can understand you better?”

His facial expression changes, his shoulders tense, his forehead is more furled at the center and his eyes look a little narrower when he explains, “I’m somewhat worried about how the new estate law may affect future cases.” Now, I understand the significance of our conversation and can listen better, because his communication and body signals correspond with an emotional state of … “somewhat worried.” Nonverbal communication or “body language” is the process of sending and receiving wordless messages by means of hand and finger gestures, body postures, facial expressions and emotional tones of voice.