Table of Contents
Preface to the Second Edition and Acknowledgments ix
Preface to the First Edition and Acknowledgments xv
Introduction 1
1 Attitudes, Anxieties, and Expectations 5
Normal Fears and Anxieties 7
Will the Students Like Me? 7
Will I Like My Students? 7
Will I Be Able to Fit in with and Understand Kids Who Are Different? 8
Will I Be Able to Teach the Students? 9
Will I Succeed? 10
Acceptance 11
Attitudes 13
Giving Up Expectations 14
Displaying Enthusiasm and Interest 20
Feeling Empathy 22
Practices 25
Practicing Patience 26
Being Observant and Asking Questions 28
Interacting as Equals 32
Setting Boundaries and Goals 32
Setting Boundaries 33
Setting Goals 34
Recommended Reading 36
Resources 37
2 Building Relationships 39
Making Connections 41
Responding to a Request for Help 42
Picking Up on an Interest 42
Avoiding Gifts and Bribes 46
Building Trust 47
Overcoming Past Experiences 50
Showing Respect 52
Establishing Reciprocity 56
A Few Practical Concerns 61
Motivating Students to Work 62
Applying Tutee Interests 63
Providing Companionship 67
Bargaining on the Relationship 69
Educated Expectations 69
Going beyond Academics 72
Establishing Boundaries 75
Dealing with Jealousy 76
Preventing Overdependence 77
Recommended Reading 81
3 Teaching Techniques 83
Getting Students Interested and Involved 84
Drawing on Student Interests 85
Making Work Visual and Hands-On 90
Encouraging Friendly Competition 95
Easing Student Fears 97
Showing Support 97
Breaking Assignments into Manageable Steps 99
Tying in Familiar Concepts 103
Letting the Student Lead 105
Listening to Students 108
Looking at What Is Not Working 112
Adjusting as You Go 113
Challenging Students 116
Recognizing Student Ploys 118
Recommended Reading 124
4 Race, Gender, Class, and Background Differences 127
Anticipating Differences before the Relationship Begins 128
Quieting Pre-site Fears 129
Evaluating First Impressions 134
Adjusting to Organizational Set-Ups 136
Riding the Roller-Coaster Relationship 137
Allowing for the Student's Attitude 138
Putting Your Foot in Your Mouth 139
Coping with Situations You Have No Idea How to Deal With 141
Overcoming Differences 145
Fitting in and Being as "Same" as Possible 147
Maximizing Acceptance and Embracing Your Difference 148
Opening a Conversation 149
Recommended Reading 152
5 Other Adults: Parents, Teachers, and Administrators 155
Attitudes and Involvement of the Other Adults 158
Involvement with the Tutors 158
General Interest and Involvement in the Students' Lives 162
Discouragement and Lack of Involvement 164
Assignments and Activities 167
Labeling 171
What Can I Do as a Tutor? 178
Forming Relationships with the Other Adults 180
Try Not to Rely on Labels 181
Recommended Reading 182
6 Good-Byes: Ending the Tutoring Relationship 185
Difficulties in Saying Good-Bye 187
Harmful Ways of Saying Good-Bye 189
Not Saying Good-Bye 189
Making Empty Promises 193
How to Say Good-Bye: The Clean-Break Principle 195
Gifts 196
Talking about the Experience 199
Learning Experiences 202
Recommended Reading 205
Twenty-five Final Pointers for Tutors 207
To the Reader 209
Bibliography 211
