Let's Talk About Aging Parents: A Real-Life Guide to Solving Problems with 27 Essential Conversations

by Laura Tamblyn Watts, Debra Whitman (Foreword by)

Overview

Caring for an aging parent can raise a host of tricky questions, but these conversation-starting scripts, plus expert advice, will help you and your parent find answers.

Age-proofing an older relative’s living space, figuring out powers of attorney, spotting and dealing with signs of dementia, asking them to give up the car keys or consider assisted living . . . the first step toward tackling these concerns and more is an honest, informed discussion.

Here are prompts and road maps for twenty-seven essential conversations—with your parent, other family members, and health care providers—including:

• Does my parent need help around the house?
• What kind of medical issues should we look out for?
• Do I really need to help my parents if they’re toxic?
• How can my family share the caregiving load? 

How to approach these topics is just as important as what needs to be said, so each chapter has tips for navigating complex emotions and finding shared ground when everyone has different ideas. You’ll get informed, have a productive discussion, and make a plan—so you can get back to making the most of your time with your parent.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781615198023
Publisher:	The Experiment
Publication date:	04/30/2024
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	1,091,820
Product dimensions:	8.90(w) x 5.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Laura Tamblyn Watts is the CEO of CanAge, Canada’s national seniors’ advocacy organization. She teaches Law and Aging at the University of Toronto and has worked as a lawyer defending the rights of older people. Tamblyn Watts is also a regular media guest and keynote speaker on aging issues. She lives in Toronto, Canada.

Debra Whitman is AARP’s chief public policy officer. An economist, expert on aging issues, and author of the forthcoming book The Second Fifty: Answers to the 7 Big Questions of Midlife and Beyond, she leads her team in all aspects of policy development, analysis, research, and global thought leadership to help communities, lawmakers, and the private sector improve our lives as we age.

Table of Contents

Part 1: The house, home care, and moving out

• Is my parent’s home ready for them to age in place?
• Does my parent need help around the house?
• How can I work with family members to coordinate my parent’s care?
• Is it time for my parent to move into some kind of independent living or retirement home?
• When is it time for long-term care, and how can we shop for the best option?
• How can we make my parent’s long-term care experience as good as possible?
• Does my parent need to downsize their possessions?

Part 2: Mental capacity, power of attorney, and elder abuse         

• How will I know if my parent has cognitive impairment or dementia, and what should we do about it?
• What is power of attorney (POA)?
• What if my parent doesn’t have POA set up, and when is it too late to do this?
• What if my family argues about POA?

Part 3: Love, loss, and lots more feelings

• How do I deal with guilt?
• What if my parent is toxic?
• Why is my parent getting divorced now?
• Is my parent having safe senior sex?
• How can I talk about grief with my parent?
• How can the generations stay connected?

Part 4: Health, hearing loss, and horrible driving

• What aging-related medical issues should we watch out for?
• What do we do about my parent’s hearing problems?
• What do we do about my parent’s vision loss?
• What do we do about my parent’s incontinence?
• Is it time for my parent to stop driving?
• Does my parent have issues with alcohol?
• How can we manage my parent’s medications?

Part 5: Tech tips and tricks

• Does my parent need help with discovering and using new technology?
• Is my parent getting scammed and what can I do about it?

Editorial Reviews

"This book comes at a significant time as we work toward providing better support for our aging population, and as a new caregiver myself, I relate very strongly to the subjects it covers. Tamblyn Watts includes all the topics that are vitally important to anyone who is caring for an aging parent. She navigates challenging issues with eloquence, demonstrating profound empathy and understanding on each page."

Alex Mihailidis

"As an international leader in aging, Laura Tamblyn Watts invites us to join her on a journey supporting the older adults in our lives. Her vital questions and practical tips help us navigate caregiving with grace, humor, dignity, love, and joy. As I discuss what’s next with my own aging mother, this book is a lifeline filled with sample scripts and pragmatic charts. And as a lifelong advocate for survivors of abuse, I appreciate how this book addresses topics like elder and sexual abuse head on, with compassion and sensitivity. I wholeheartedly recommend this guide to the current and next generations of care providers and family members."

Bonnie Brandl

"This is a profound, astute book that resonates with readers from all walks of life. It provides unique insights on our aging population and brings the realities so many families are facing to the surface, offering a strong foundation for engaging in a conversation that we all need to have. It’s real, it hits home, and it’s on point."

Kahir Lalji

"Being thrust into the role of caregiver for an aging parent (or two) can be challenging, overwhelming even. There are so many questions and so much fear. Thankfully, Laura Tamblyn Watts provides many of the answers—guiding us from ‘The Talk’ about moving from the family home to a care home, to the sensitive discussion about whether it’s time to stop driving, to the joys of toileting. This is a book whose practical tips will save you many a sleepless night."

André Picard

"With her characteristic wit and panache, Laura Tamblyn Watts had me laughing, shouting, weeping, and reading with my jaw dropped. She tells real, relatable stories and offers concrete actions that all of us can take. I can’t wait to share this book with my friends and family."

Gregor Sneddon

★ 05/01/2024

Many adults will find themselves taking care of their aging parents. CanAge CEO Watts (law and aging, Univ. of Toronto) gives practical advice on how to handle many situations, such as a parent with dementia, searching for good in-home care, and decisions that may be difficult to make. The book includes a step-by-step diagram and checklist that help caregivers examine each room in their parent's home to determine possible obstacles or spaces where they may need to help their parent more. There are also sample scripts for challenging conversations with aging parents and advice on how to have these talks without being overbearing. Watts's book shows that sometimes care involves coordinating with other family members, which often requires navigating all types of personalities, family dynamics, and other factors. To help with this, she offers tips for knowing when to remove oneself from discussions or situations. Her book also covers hearing aids, incontinence, gray divorces, safe sex for older parents, and death. VERDICT A highly recommended resource that tackles the many aspects of caregiving for an aging parent. It's chock-full of practical solutions to the many situations that may arise.

Library Journal