After the Tears: Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma

by Jane Middelton-Moz MS, Lorie Dwinell

Overview

Adult children of alcoholics have learned how to "survive," but often have difficulty "living" their lives. The trauma and grief of childhood losses affect every aspect of the life of an adult child of an alcoholic (ACoA). Now the authors of the bestselling After the Tears offer further insight into the origin and cost of childhood pain for those who grew up in alcoholic families. In this revised and expanded edition, Jane Middelton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell combine their years of experience in working with ACoAs, tackling issues such as intimacy, sibling relationships, codependency, breaking the alcoholic pattern, building a relationship with the inner child, forgiveness, and opening a window to spirituality.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780757315138
Publisher:	Health Communications, Incorporated
Publication date:	09/01/2010
Pages:	296
Sales rank:	588,081
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Jane Middelton-Moz is a therapist who speaks internationally on the topics of multigenerational grief and trauma, and cultural and ethnic self-hate. She has over 20 years experience in community mental health work, including a position as clinical director of the largest mental health organization in western Washington. Jane Middleton-Moz has appeared on national radio and television shows, including Oprah. She is the author of After the Tears, Growing in the Shadows, Children of Trauma and Shame and Guilt. Lorie Dwinell, M.S.W., has been a therapist in full-time private practice in Seattle since 1977, and specializes in all aspects of addictive disorders, grief, depression, stressful life events, and transitions. She was the addiction specialist at the University of Washington's School of Social Work from 1973 to 1977, and she had the pleasure of training many of the leaders in the chemical dependency field who went on to esteemed careers in Washington and throughout the United States. She is known nationally as a trainer and has appeared on Oprah as a guest therapist.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction 1

1 The Bomb in the Basement and the Bomb in the Attic: Common Characteristics of Alcoholic Families and Survival Adaptation of Adult Children of Alcoholics 5

2 The Same but Different: Differences in Children from the Same Alcoholic Family and Differences in Alcoholic Families 22

3 Self-Sufficient in an Insufficient Way: Learning to Survive Under Chronic Stress 37

4 The Gift That Keeps On Giving: Characteristics of Children of Alcoholics 54

5 Surviving the Unimaginable: The Resilliency of Children of Alcoholics 76

6 Validation of Trauma and Breaking Through Denial: Understanding the Normal Response to an Abnormal and Painful Life 86

7 Building a Cognitive Life Raft: Developing an Intellectual Understanding of the Effects of a Painful Life 99

8 An Emotional Safety Net: Building a Relationship with the Child Within 113

9 Grief Work: The Pain That Begins to Heal Itself 121

10 Mourning, Then Behavior Change: Moving On and Giving Back 135

11 I Want You, Want You Gone, Want You Back: ACOAs in Intimate Relationships 146

12 Misplaced Loyalty: The Codependency Factor 169

13 Empowering Change in a Painful Legacy: Adult Children and Sibling Relationships 180

14 ACOAs Become Parents: A Pioneering Effort 197

15 A Pain Too Deep: ACOAs Taking Care of Elderly Parents 216

16 ACOAs in the Workplace: I Can Be a Team Player as Long as I'm the Only Player on the Team 230

17 Acceptance and Forgiveness: Holding On to Resentment Is like Taking Poison and Hoping the Other Guy Dies 242

18 Finding the Sacred in the Ordinary: Opening a Window to Spirituality for Adult Children of Alcoholics 254

Conclusion 265

Glossary 270

Resources 277

Selected References 279

Index 283