Table of Contents
Foreword Camille Paglia xiii
Part I The Beginning
1 I'm Not Actually Starting at the Beginning 3
2 Chairwoman of the Hoard 7
3 Sadly … Me Too 17
4 And So, My Fellow Americans … 23
5 The Blonde Hair Stayed 25
6 Psycho 29
7 (Oops) I Stabbed Clint Eastwood 41
8 Give My Regards to The Broadway 53
9 Shame on You 61
10 A Star is Reborn 67
11 The Giant Teddy Bear 71
12 Ding Dong 77
13 The Young and the Shirtless 83
14 The Fury 87
Part II Nikki Reed
15 The Young and the Replaced 93
16 The Lone Stripper of Daytime Television 97
17 And the Mother Is … 107
18 Knight in Shining Armor 119
19 We're Making Stories 125
20 Mmmhmm 129
21 Emotional Malware 133
22 It's a Girl? 141
23 Daddy Dearest 145
24 Another Goodbye 149
Part III Nikki Newman
25 A Few of My Favorite Things 155
26 Hair! 169
27 I'll Never Forgive O.J. 173
28 Float Like a Butterfly 177
29 With This Ring I Thee Wed 183
30 Peter Bergman 191
31 The Games People Play 193
32 Kristoff 199
33 Going off on a Tangent 203
34 Prescription for Madness 207
35 Aging Gracefully? 219
36 Becoming Nikki & Enjoying Mel 223
Postscript: A Message from the Word Wrangler 235
Acknowledgments 241
Index 247
About the Author 255