Be Kind

by Dalai Lama

Overview

"This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

For the Dalai Lama it is kindness that makes the world go ‘round. Kindness at the heart of human nature, and it is kindness that is the essential component to developing healthy bodies, minds, and spirits. It is the glue that holds society together. Its absence results in isolation, dislocation, and suffering.

In this slender volume, the Dalai Lama outlines what compassion is and how its practice affects every area of life. He also provides an exercise process for developing kindness.

One of the strengths of this book is that it demonstrates that living a life of kindness or compassion is not just about altruism. It is a way of life that benefits us in concrete ways. Compassion makes us resilient in the face of adversity, enables us to live with courage, and provides a level of self-confidence that makes us more effective in our personal and professional endeavors.

This is a book not only for fans of the Dalai Lama but also for those of all faiths interested in lives filled with hope, promise, and authenticity.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781642970173
Publisher:	Red Wheel/Weiser
Publication date:	10/01/2019
Series:	Dalai Lama's Be Inspired
Pages:	112
Sales rank:	353,298
Product dimensions:	3.90(w) x 5.80(h) x 0.40(d)

About the Author

Tenzin Gyatso, His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, is the exiled spiritual leader of the Tibetan people. He was the recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989.

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

KINDNESS

Compassion is the most wonderful and precious thing. When we talk about compassion, it is encouraging to note that basic human nature is, I believe, compassionate and gentle.

Sometimes I argue with friends who believe that human nature is more negative and aggressive. I argue that if you study the structure of the human body, you will see that it is akin to those species of mammals whose way of life is more gentle or peaceful.

Sometimes I half joke that our hands are arranged in such a manner that they are good for hugging, rather than hitting. If our hands were mainly meant for hitting, then these beautiful fingers would not be necessary. For example, if the fingers remain extended, boxers cannot hit forcefully, so they have to make fists.

So I think that means that our basic physical structure creates a compassionate or gentle kind of nature.

If we look at relationships, partnership, marriage, and conception are very important. Marriage should not be based on blind love or an extreme sort of mad love; it should be based on a knowledge of one another and an understanding that you are suitable to live together.

Marriage is not for temporary satisfaction, but for some kind of sense of responsibility. That is the genuine love that is the basis of marriage.

The proper conception of a child takes place in that kind of moral or mental attitude. While the child is in the mother's womb, the mother's calmness of mind has a very positive effect on the unborn child, according to some scientists.

If the mother's mental state is negative — for instance if she is frustrated or angry — then it is very harmful to the healthy development of the unborn child.

One scientist has told me that the first few weeks after birth is the most important period, for during that time the child's brain is enlarging.

During that period, the mother's touch, or the touch of someone who is acting like a mother, is crucial.

This shows that even though the child may not realize who is who, it somehow physically needs someone else's affection. Without that, it is very damaging for the healthy development of the brain.

After birth, the first act by the mother is to give the child nourishing milk. If the mother lacks affection or kind feelings for the child, then the milk will not flow.

If the mother feeds her baby with gentle feelings toward the child, in spite of her own illness or pain, the milk flows freely.

This kind of attitude is like a precious jewel.

Moreover, from the other side, if the child lacks some kind of close feeling toward the mother, it may not suckle. This shows how wonderful the act of affection is from both sides.

That is the beginning of our lives.

Similarly with education, it is my experience that those lessons that we learn from teachers who are not just good but who also show affection for the student, go deep into our minds. Lessons from other sorts of teachers may not. Although you may be compelled to study and may fear the teacher, the lessons may not sink in.

Much depends on the affection from the teacher.

Likewise, when we go to a hospital, irrespective of the doctor's quality, if the doctor shows genuine feeling and deep concern for us, and if he or she smiles, then we feel okay.

But if the doctor shows little human affection, then even though he or she may be a very great expert, we may feel unsure and nervous.

This is human nature.

Lastly, we can reflect on our lives. When we are young and again when we are old, we depend heavily on the affection of others.

Between these stages of childhood and old age, we usually feel that we can do everything without help from others and that affection from other people is simply not important.

But in these times, more than ever, I think it is very important to keep deep human affection — kindness is crucial to our society and to our survival.

When people in a big town or city feel lonely, this does not mean that they lack human companions, but rather that they lack human affection. As a result of this, their mental health eventually becomes very poor.

On the other hand, those people who grow up in an atmosphere of human affection have a much more positive and gentle development of their bodies, their minds, and their behavior.

Children who have grown up lacking that atmosphere usually have more negative attitudes.

This very clearly shows the basic human nature.

The human body appreciates peace of mind. Things that are disturbing to us have a very bad effect upon our health.

This shows that the whole structure of our health is such that it is suited to an atmosphere of human affection.

Therefore, our potential for compassion is there. The only issue is whether or not we realize this and utilize it.

The basic aim of my explanation is to show that by nature we are compassionate, that compassion is something very necessary, and it is something that we can develop.

What Is Compassion?

It is important to know the exact meaning of compassion. Different philosophies and traditions have different interpretations of the meanings of love and compassion.

Some of my Christian friends believe that love cannot develop without God's grace; in other words, to develop love and compassion you need faith.

The Buddhist interpretation is that genuine compassion is based on a clear acceptance or recognition that others, like oneself, want happiness and have the right to overcome suffering.

On that basis, one develops some kind of concern about the welfare of others, irrespective of one's attitude to oneself.

That is compassion.

However, your love and compassion toward your friends is, in many cases, actually attachment.

This feeling is not based on the realization that all beings have an equal right to be happy and to overcome suffering.

Instead, it is based on the idea that something is "mine," "my friend," or something good for "me."

That is attachment.

Thus, when that person's attitude toward you changes, your feeling of closeness immediately disappears.

Without attachment — that feeling of ownership — you develop some kind of concern irrespective of the other person's attitude to you, simply because that person is a fellow human being and has every right to overcome suffering.

Whether that person remains neutral to you or even becomes your enemy, your concern should remain because of his or her right.

That is the main difference.

Genuine compassion is much healthier; it is unbiased and it is based on reason. By contrast, attachment is narrow-minded and biased.

I will go so far as to say that attachment and genuine compassion are contradictory.

According to Buddhist practice, to develop genuine compassion you must first practice the meditation of equalization and equanimity, detaching youfself from those people who are very close to you.

Then, you must remove negative feelings toward your enemies. All sentient beings should be looked on as equal.

On that basis, you can gradually develop genuine compassion for all of them.

It must be said that genuine compassion is not like pity or a feeling that others are somehow lower than yourself. Rather, with genuine compassion, you view others as more important than yourself.

As I pointed out earlier, to generate genuine compassion, first of all one must go through the training of equanimity.

This becomes very important, because without a sense of equanimity toward all, one's feelings toward others will be biased.

Equanimity

So now I will give you a brief example of a Buddhist meditative training on developing equanimity.

You should think about, first, a small group of people whom you know, such as your friends and relatives, toward whom you have attachment.

Second, you should think about some people to whom you feel totally indifferent.

And third, think about some people whom you dislike.

Once you have imagined these different people, you should try to let your mind go into its natural state and see how it would normally respond to an encounter with these people.

You will notice that your natural reaction would be that of attachment toward your friends, that of dislike toward the people whom you consider enemies and that of total indifference toward those whom you consider neutral.

Then you should try to question yourself. You should compare the effects of the two opposing attitudes you have toward your friends and your enemies, and see why you should have such fluctuating states of mind toward these two different groups of people.

You should see what effects such reactions have on your mind and try to see the futility of relating to them in such an extreme manner.

I speak often of the pros and cons of harboring hatred and generating anger toward enemies, and I have also spoken a little about the defects of being extremely attached toward friends and so on.

You should reflect upon this and then try to minimize your strong emotions toward these two opposing groups of people.

Then, most importantly, you should reflect on the fundamental equality between yourself and all other sentient beings.

As you have the instinctive natural desire to be happy and overcome suffering, so do all sentient beings; just as you have the right to fullfil this innate aspiration, so do all sentient beings.

So on what exact grounds do you discriminate?

If we look at humanity as a whole, we are social animals. Moreover, the structures of the modern economy, education and so on, illustrate that the world has become a smaller place and that we heavily depend on one another.

Under such circumstances, I think the only option is to live and work together harmoniously and keep in our minds the interest of the whole of humanity.

That is the only outlook and path we must adopt for our survival.

By nature, especially as a human being, my interests are not independent of others. My happiness depends on others' happiness.

So when I see happy people, automatically I also feel a little bit happier than when I see people in a difficult situation.

For example, when we see pictures on television that show people starving in Somalia, including old people and young children, then we automatically feel sad, regardless of whether that sadness can lead to some kind of active help or not.

Moreover, in our daily lives, we are now utilizing many good facilities, including things like air-conditioned houses. All these things or facilities became possible, not because of ourselves, but because of many other people's direct or indirect involvement.

Everything comes together. It is impossible to return to the way of life of a few centuries ago, when we depended on simple instruments and not all these machines.

It is very clear to us that the facilities that we are enjoying now are the products of the activities of many people.

Most of you sleep on a bed — many people have been involved in the making of that. Also in the preparation of your food, especially for the non-vegetarian.

Fame is definitely a product of other people — without the presence of other people, the concept of fame would not even make sense.

Also, the interest of Europe depends on America's interest, and Western Europe's interest depends on the Eastern European economic situation.

Each continent is heavily dependent on the others — that is the reality. Thus many of the things that we desire, such as wealth, fame, and so forth, could not come into being without the active or indirect participation and cooperation of many other people.

Therefore, since we all have an equal right to be happy and since we are all linked to one another, no matter how important an individual is, logically the interest of the other nearly eight billion people on the planet is more important than that of one single person.

By thinking along these lines, you can eventually develop a sense of global responsibility.

Modern environmental problems, such as the depletion of the ozone layer and global warming, also clearly show us the need for world co-operation.

It seems that with development, the whole world has become much smaller, but the human consciousness is still lagging behind.

This is not a question of religious practice, but a question of the future of humanity.

Altruism

This kind of wider or more altruistic attitude is very relevant in today's world.

If we look at the situation from various angles, such as the complexity and interconnectedness of the nature of modern existence, then we will gradually notice a change in our outlook, so that when we say "others" and when we think of others, we will no longer dismiss them as something that is irrelevant to us. We will no longer feel indifferent.

If you think only of yourself, if you forget the rights and well-being of others, or, worse still, if you exploit others, ultimately you will lose.

You will have no friends who will show concern for your well-being. Moreover, if a tragedy befalls you, instead of feeling concerned, others might even secretly rejoice.

By contrast, if an individual is compassionate and altruistic, and has the interests of others in mind, then irrespective of whether that person knows a lot of people, wherever that person moves, he or she will immediately make friends.

And when that person faces a tragedy, there will be plenty of people who will come to help.

A true friendship develops on the basis of genuine human affection, not money or power.

Of course, due to your power or wealth, more people may approach you with big smiles or gifts. But deep down, these are not real friends of yours — these are friends of your wealth or power.

As long as your fortune remains, then these people will often approach you. But when your fortunes decline, they will no longer be there.

With this type of friend, nobody will make a sincere effort to help you if you need it. That is the reality.

Genuine human friendship is on the basis of human affection, irrespective of your position.

Therefore, the more you show concern about the welfare and rights of others, the more you are a genuine friend.

The more you remain open and sincere, then ultimately more benefits will come to you.

If you forget or do not bother about others, then eventually you will lose your own benefit.

So sometimes I tell people, if we really are selfish, then wise selfishness is much better than the selfishness of ignorance and narrow-mindedness.

Wisdom

For Buddhist practitioners, the development of wisdom is very important — and here I mean wisdom that realizes Shunya, the ultimate nature of reality.

The basic fact is that all sentient beings, particularly human beings, want happiness and do not want pain and suffering.

As humans, we all have the same human potential.

The wonderful human brain is the source of our strength and the source of our future, provided we utilize it in the right direction.

The human brain allows us to create happy lives for ourselves and also to help other beings.

It is my belief that the human brain and basic human compassion are by nature in some kind of balance.

Sometimes, when we grow up, we may neglect human affection and simply concentrate on the human brain, thus losing the balance. It is then that disasters and unwelcome things happen.

With the realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in one's ability, one can build a better world.

According to my own experience, self-confidence is very important.

That sort of confidence is not a blind one: it is an awareness of one's own potential. On that basis, human beings can transform themselves by increasing the good qualities and reducing the negative qualities.

Transformation does not mean 100 percent change. Without a basis of something to aim for, how do we develop good things?

Buddhists call this potential "Buddha Nature," which is also the fundamental Clear Light nature of the mind.

The fundamental teaching of the Buddha is on the Four Noble Truths: 1) there is suffering; 2) suffering has cause; 3) there is cessation of suffering; and, finally, 4) there is a path to this freedom from suffering.

The underlying principle of this teaching is the universal principle of causality.

What becomes important in the understanding of this basic teaching is a genuine awareness of one's own potentials and the need to utilize them to their fullest.

Seen in this light, every human action becomes significant.

For example, the smile is a very important feature of the human face. But because of human intelligence, even that good part of human nature can be used in the wrong way, such as sarcastic smiles, or diplomatic smiles, which only serve to create suspicion.

I feel that a genuine, affectionate smile is very important in our day-to-day lives.

How one creates that smile largely depends on one's own attitude. It is illogical to expect smiles from others if one does not smile oneself.

Therefore, one can see that many things depend on one's own behavior.

The realization of Shunya gives you at least some kind of positive sense about cessation.

Once you have some kind of feeling for the possibility of cessation, then it becomes clear that suffering is not final and that there is an alternative.

If there is alternative, then it is worth making an effort.

If only two of the Buddha's Four Noble Truths exist, suffering and the cause of suffering, then there is not much meaning. But the other two Noble Truths, including cessation, point toward an alternative way of existence.

There is possibility of ending suffering. So it is worthwhile to realize the nature of suffering.

(Continues…)

---

Excerpted from "Be Kind"
by .
Copyright © 2019 His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
Excerpted by permission of Hampton Roads Publishing Company, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

---

Table of Contents

Title Page,
Copyright,
Dedication,
Publisher's note:,
KINDNESS,
About the Author,