Better Behavior for Ages 2-10: Small Miracles that Work like Magic

by Tara Egan

Overview

Your child is a small miracle that you treasure immensely. When your child misbehaves, however, it can lead to feeling that you have failed as a parent, often followed by family, friends, and even strangers offering well-in­tended but stress-inducing advice.

As part of the What Now? series, Better Behavior for Ages 2-10 was written to share author Dr. Tara Egan’s clinically-proven methods for handling, modify­ing, and most importantly, completely preventing difficult behavior. Included is an easy to understand and implement success model that you will start to benefit from right away! Dr. Tara's strategies and advice are small pearls of wisdom about child behavior that work like magic.

This guidebook provides pre-emptive strategies for parents who are struggling with their child’s behavior to set the stage for good behavior:

• Preventive and proactive strategies to stop misbehavior before it occurs
• Reactive strategies to address and eliminate existing problem behaviors
• Dr. Tara’s easy-to-use behavioral success model that parents can implement right away to motivate and reinforce good behavior

From learning the importance of “role modeling” to motivating and disciplining in a way that will reinforce good behavior—Better Behavior for Ages 2-10 will guide you every step of the way. This book offers effective solutions for eliminating stress while strengthening the loving relationship between you and your child.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780984865772
Publisher:	XAMOnline.com
Publication date:	10/01/2013
Series:	What Now?
Pages:	186
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.50(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Tara Egan, EdD, founder of Charlotte Parent Coaching, has over twelve years of experience as a school psychologist and parent coach. In addition to her work with individual families, she has worked extensively with public and private schools, mental health facilities, and taught at the college level. She has worked in several states, including Maryland, Minnesota, New York, and North Carolina. In addition, she has provided training to both individuals and groups on topics such as best practices in parenting, behavioral management of children, navigating the special education process in the schools, and academic and behavioral interventions for use in the classroom setting.
 
Dr. Egan has two children, a girl and a boy, and enjoys reading, writing, and exercise. Every day her children remind her that of all her job responsibilities, being a parent is her most important role thus far.

Table of Contents

Preface ix

Chapter 1 When I Have Children, They Will Never…

Asking for Parenting Help 5

Defining Misbehavior 7

Describing Misbehavior 7

Distribution of Misbehavior 8

Goals of This Book 10

How to Read This Book 10

Part I Behavior: What Every Parent Needs to Know (Chapters 1-3) 11

Part II Key Concepts Related to the Behavioral Model (Chapters 4-7) 11

Part III Applying What You've Learned (Chapters 8 and 9) 11

Audience 11

Let's Talk About "We" and "Us" 12

The "Bad" Word 13

Themes 13

Theme 1 The Best Way to Deal with Misbehavior Is to Prevent It 13

Theme 2 Don't Let Your Children Do Today What You Don't Want Them to Do Tomorrow 14

Theme 3 Good Behavior Has to Be Taught. Good Behavior Has to Be Role-Modeled. Good Behavior Has to Be Reinforced. Often 16

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 1 16

Chapter 2 Understanding Why Children Misbehave

Why Children Misbehave 19

Children Don't Know How to Demonstrate the "Right" Skill 19

The "Right" Activity is Too Hard or Unpleasant and Is Perceived as Punishment 20

The "Right" Behavior Is Ignored 20

The Misbehavior Gets Them Attention 20

There Are No Consequences for Misbehavior 21

Variables That Contribute to a Child's Misbehavior 21

Child Variables 22

Parental Expectations 22

Societal Expectations 23

Environmental Variables 23

Positive Reinforcement, Negative Reinforcement, and Punishment 23

"Internal Needs" Met by Misbehavior 25

Six Categories of "Needs" 25

Examining the Whole Child 28

The Whole Child 28

Sleep 29

Nutrition 32

Sensory Issues 35

Final Thoughts 39

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 2 39

Chapter 3 Empowering Parents

Transitions and Advance Warning 42

Types of Transitions 42

Tips for Giving Advance Warning and Setting Clear Expectations 43

Attention 45

Be Prepared 46

Tips for Being Prepared 46

Realistic Behavioral Expectations 47

Factors to Consider When Setting Realistic Behavioral Expectations 47

Mood/Attitude 51

Take Responsibility 52

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 3 53

Chapter 4 Reinforcing Positive Behavior

Basic Types of Reinforcement 56

Physical 56

Verbal 56

Privileges 57

Time 57

Tangible Rewards 58

How to Choose the Type of Reinforcement 58

Tips for Using Reinforcement Effectively 59

Use Secondary Praise. Children Love It, and It Works 62

Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation 64

Final Thoughts 64

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 4 66

Chapter 5 Adopting a Nurturing Communication Style and Encouraging Better Listening

Parenting Styles 69

Authoritarian 70

Permissive 70

Uninvolved 71

Authoritative 72

Nurturing Communication 73

What Is It? 73

Components of Nurturing Language 73

Adopting a Nurturing Communication Style 74

Encouraging Better Listening 78

Tips to Improve Your Child's Listening 78

Final Thoughts 85

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 5 85

Chapter 6 Utilizing Natural vs. Logical Consequences and Coping with Power Struggles

Natural Consequences 90

Determining Natural Consequences 91

Logical Consequences 92

Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation Revisited 93

Coping with Power Struggles 94

Top Ten Tips to Avoid Power Struggles 97

How and When to Factor in Your Child's Opinion 100

Final Thoughts 108

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 6 109

Chapter 7 Understanding and Navigating Temper Outbursts

What Is a Temper Outburst? 112

How Temper Outbursts Evolve with Age 113

Why Children Have Temper Outbursts 113

The Seven Stages of a Temper Outburst for a Child 115

The Role of Parents During Temper Outbursts 116

The Seven Stages of a Temper Outburst for a Parent 116

The Trigger 117

Slow Triggers 117

Fast Triggers 118

The Parent's Role in Recognizing Triggers 119

The Last Chance to Prevent It Part 119

The Parent's Role: Simple Strategies to Avoid a Temper Outburst 120

The Ugly Part 123

The Parent's Role During the Ugly Part 123

Soothing Techniques for Parents during the Ugly Part 124

The Turning Point 126

The Parent's Role During the Turning Point 126

The Soothing/Self-Soothing Part 126

The Parent's Role in Helping Soothe Their Child 127

The Learning Opportunity/Teaching Moment 128

The Parent's Role in the Teaching Moment 128

The Kiss and Make Up Part 129

The Parent's Role in the Making Up Part 130

Question: What about the Children Who Can "Turn Off" an Outburst Extremely Quickly? 130

Don't Be Frightened of Temper Outbursts 131

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 7 132

Chapter 8 How to Use Punishment Effectively

Five Necessary Components for Effective Punishment 136

Pitfalls to Punishment 138

Time-out 139

What is Time-out? 139

The Four Myths of Time-out 140

Seven Steps for an Effective Time-out 142

Time-out in a Public Place 147

A "Self" Time-out 148

Apologizing: Should We Force Our Child to Apologize? 148

Pros of "Making" Your Child Apologize 149

Cons of "Making" Your Child Apologize 149

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 8 151

Chapter 9 The Parent Toolbox: Applying What We Know

Transitions 153

Bedtime 156

Preparing for a New Bedtime Routine 156

Transitioning to the New Bedtime Routine 158

Troubleshooting 159

Taking Care of Personal Belongings/Cleaning Up 161

Dealing with Whining 163

Restaurant Etiquette 164

How to Say "Yes" as a Way to Motivate Your Child 167

Fostering Respect 168

Common Behavioral Strategies to Avoid 169

Token Economy 169

Competition 171

Conclusion 172

Key Points Discussed in Chapter 9 173

References 175