Many people are responsible for taking care of an aging parent, an ailing spouse, or a handicapped child and do so out of love, devotion, or obligation, and many others have caretaking occupations in the areas of nursing, social work, counseling, and so on. But there are other less benign caretakers in our midst. These people have an excessive need to be needed, and they assume the caretaking role not out of love, obligation, or choice of profession but due to unconscious motivations over which they have little control. This addiction to pleasing others can be as debilitating as substance addictions. Les Barbanell shows that this addiction, which he calls "caretaker personality disorder," masks psychological conflicts and can be a self-destructive force leading to exhaustion, emptiness, even suicide. Barbanell provides strategies for learning to say no, retraining one's focus from others to oneself, gaining freedom from past traumas and abuse, and learning to express rather than repress feelings in order to find a balance between kindness and a pathological level of selflessness. This book is a must-read for those suffering from the addiction to please, their families, and psychotherapists and counselors who work with them. Praise for Les Barbanell's Removing the Mask of Kindness "Barbanell delineates the pathological side of selflessness and argues, as the title suggests, that kindness can serve as a psychological mechanism for concealing emotional problems….The author effectively charts the defining characteristics of a heretofore-unrecognized diagnostic category: caretaker personality disorder (CPD). …Recommended." -CHOICE "Les Barbanell reveals a new and shocking defense mechanism that individuals use to hid psychological conflicts. The caretaker personality disorder helps explain why an accommodating, sacrificing individual, who is always concerned with others, can end up miserable and feeling incomplete. A must read for anyone in the helping professions." -United States Association fo
|Publisher:||Aronson, Jason Inc.|
|Product dimensions:||5.60(w) x 8.60(h) x 0.70(d)|
About the Author
Les Barbanell is a current faculty member, supervisor and training analyst at the New Jersey Institute for Training in Teaneck, New Jersey. He has published articles on a variety of subjects that include narcissism, selflessness, exercise and sports psychology, adolescence and relationships. He has a general psychotherapy practice in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey and specializes in the treatment of helping professionals.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 Preface Chapter 2 1 Selflessness as an Addiction Chapter 3 2 The Role of the Unconscious Chapter 4 3 Mask or Masquerade? Chapter 5 4 When Being Good Goes Bad Chapter 6 5 The Illusion of Closeness Chapter 7 6 Primed to Please Chapter 8 7 The Pursuit of the Lost Self Chapter 9 8 Life beyond Trauma Chapter 10 9 Three R's: Rebuilding, Re-Training, Recovery Chapter 11 10 Once A Please Addict, Always A Please Addict? Chapter 12 Epilogue
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
This book was really helpful to understand how caretaking personality works, how it originates and how to go about treating it. Although heavy on the technical jargon at certain points, I found the scientific approach to be quite helpful and a good companion to more positive psychology/self-help books. If you are looking to get a better understanding of caretaking personality disorder, this should definitely be on your list.