Table of Contents
Author's Note xiii
1 Happy Hillary 1
2 Jill Wants to See You 11
3 "The World's Saddest Word" 25
4 Bill Clinton Kaligani 31
5 Roving 36
6 The Foreign Desk 43
7 "Scoops of Ideas" 51
8 "Taking Back America" 56
9 Leave Hillary Alone 59
10 "Iowa … I'm Baaack" 70
11 The Last Good Day 74
12 Emailghazi 79
13 "What Makes You So Special?" 88
14 The Everydays 98
15 "Fucking Democrats" 106
16 The Ninnies 114
17 A Tale of Two Choppers 117
18 Sorry, Not Sorry 124
19 The Pied Piper 130
20 "Spontaneity Is Embargoed Until 4:00 p.m." 136
21 "Schlonged" 147
22 "I Am Driving Long Distances in Iowa and May Be Slower to Respond" 150
23 Meeting Our Waterloo 154
24 The Girls on the Bus 160
25 You Will Look Happy 172
26 He Deprived Her of a Compliment 180
27 "Saint Hillary" 189
28 I Hate Everyone 195
29 "You Should Be So Pretty!" 204
30 Prince Harry 209
31 The Plane Situation 214
32 The Gaffe Tour 224
33 "Let Donald Be Donald" 234
34 Stay just a Little Bit Longer 237
35 The Kids Are Alright 240
36 Writing Herstory 249
37 Who Let the Dog Out? 257
38 "Man, Y'all Are Jittery" 259
39 The Bed Wetters 266
40 Off the Record … Until Hacked 270
41 The Red Scare 275
42 Gladiator Arena 278
43 "HRC Has No Public Events Scheduled" 285
44 "Media Blame Pollen" 293
45 The Fall of Magical Thinking 305
46 Debate Hillary 311
47 How I Became an Unwitting Agent of Russian Intelligence 316
48 The "Big Ball of Ugly" 323
49 Bill's Last Stand 329
50 Chekhov's Gun 336
51 Hillary's Death March to Victory 341
52 The Tick-Tock Number One 349
53 The Tick-Tock Number Two 356
54 The Morning After 368
Acknowledgements 379