Choosing Love: What LGBTQ+ Christians Can Teach Us All About Relationships, Inclusion, and Justice

by Dawne Moon, Theresa W. Tobin

Overview

What does the battle between conservative Christians and LGBTQ+ people look like from the vantage point of those who are both?

If a culture war is happening, LGBTQ+ conservative Christians are on the front lines. While many people assume LGBTQ+ people have to say goodbye to the religions they grew up with, and many do, others occupy the intersection of LGBTQ+ existence and conservative Protestantism. Choosing Love shows what happens when two identities that seem diametrically opposed—conservative Christian and LGBTQ+—are joined together within one person.

Drawing on participant observation conducted within organizations for LGBTQ+ Christians and on more than 100 interviews with LGBTQ+ Christians, former Christians, and allies—especially Black people, Indigenous people, and other people of color—Dawne Moon and Theresa W. Tobin show how a number of LGBTQ+ Christians and their heterosexual/cisgender allies are working to make their families, churches, and communities more inclusive, loving, and just. In telling their stories, Choosing Love shares lessons about what it means to be human, relational beings who need mutual connection to thrive. These stories expose the brutality of treating shame as a special sacrament for LGBTQ+ people and the toxicity of treating a particular construction of gender as sacred. They teach us the difference between arrogance and relational pride, and that humility is the core of true allyship. Finally, they offer contemporary examples of the radical potential of love in movements for social justice.

Written in an approachable style and drawing from such diverse sources as Martin Buber, Martin Luther King, Black/Third World feminism, and queer thinkers of color, Choosing Love is for anyone interested in the centrality of relationships in human life, the place of love in the struggle for justice, and the need for justice in any effort to love.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780197776513
Publisher:	Oxford University Press
Publication date:	06/02/2025
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	6.10(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Dawne Moon is a qualitative sociologist who has studied religion, gender, sexuality, and people's struggles to define "who we are" for thirty years. The author of God, Sex, and Politics: Homosexuality and Everyday Theologies, she is Professor in Social and Cultural Sciences and Co-Director of Gender & Sexualities Studies at Marquette University.

Theresa W. Tobin is a philosopher who researches ethical questions around gender, sexuality and religion, emotions, and spiritual violence. She is Associate Professor of Philosophy at Marquette University where she also directs the Education Preparedness Program, which creates pathways to higher education for people directly impacted by incarceration.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Love and Relationships
Chapter 2: The Complementarian Commandment
Chapter 3: A Sacrament of Shame: "I Love You, But Hate Your Sin"
Chapter 4: Healing Through Relationships
Chapter 5: Becoming an Ally
Chapter 6: Inside and Outside the Evangelical Bubble: Productive and Destructive Tension
Chapter 7: Love, Shame, Humility, and Justice

Index

Editorial Reviews

"Choosing Love offers thick description based on participant-observation of the inner worlds of LGBTQ+ Christians from conservative backgrounds. It probes the psychological-spiritual dynamics that are created at this so-often-so-painful intersection, describes individuals and organizations working to bring constructive change, and in the end modestly but clearly charts at least key hallmarks of a constructive path forward. I know this subculture pretty well, and I can say confidently that this research rings true and matters deeply." — David P. Gushee, Distinguished University Professor of Christian Ethics, Mercer University and author of Changing Our Mind

"As a Same Gender Loving Woman I know this journey personally. The beautiful truth-telling, trust giving, cautious, yet generous expressions of Love and Authenticity contained in this book embody the possibility and perhaps the probability of the realm of God on earth as it is in Heaven! Relationship, Humility, and Justice: Amen!" — Yvette A. Flunder, Bishop of The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries, and Senior Pastor of the City of Refuge UCC

"Moon and Tobin's accessible chronicling of LGBTQ inclusion work within conservative Christian contexts is a compelling, incisive read that commends itself to those in and outside of these spaces-and to any person of conscience working for positive change in our world. With tender fierceness, the authors explore the radical, political dimensions of love, sustainably building an antiracist society, and the meaning of 'repentance' in the original sense of the word (changing one's mind about everything). They credibly build on the contributions of generations of radical thinkers to advance new understandings and synthesize emerging fieldwork and scholarship on religion, trauma, identity, power, and healing. This book is what the authors might call a 'steadfastly humanizing' resource, and I am confident it will prove an invaluable conversation partner to many" — Rev. Kenji Kuramitsu, LCSW, CGP

"Choosing Love digs deep into the wrenching decision forced upon queer and trans Christians in conservative, non-affirming churches: stay in the community that has been home to them, or leave in order to live fully as themselves. With particular attention to the experiences of queer and trans people of color, Moon and Tobin argue provocatively that those who have navigated this journey have gleaned crucial insight about holding space that others consider so contradictory as to be impossible. Choosing Love pushes into new territory in making the case that LGBTQ people have much to teach all of us about Christian faith, offering surprising lessons to Queer Christians and our allies across the theological spectrum as we grapple with the impact of conservative Christianity on our world." — Rev. Elizabeth M. Edman, Author of Queer Virtue: What LGBTQ People Know About Live and Love and How It Can Revitalize Christianity

From the Publisher