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Confident people react positively and successfully to life's problems and challenges. Those who lack confidence often view themselves as victims—blaming others or bingeing on drugs, sex, food, or alcohol to mask their feelings of shame or worthlessness.
In Complete Confidence, renowned psychotherapist Dr. Sheenah Hankin points the way to a confident life free of self-criticism, anxiety, and immature anger. Her Winning Hand of Comfort technique is a clear, concise, and powerful prescription for dealing with everyday situations—from resolving conflicts to ending unhealthy habits like overeating, complaining, and procrastinating. This essential handbook will teach you how to retrain your brain to manage your emotions and put your problems into perspective. You will learn how to calm down, clarify your thinking, challenge your blame habit, comfort your negative feelings, and achieve confidence. That is Dr. Hankin's promise.
|Edition description:||Updated Edition|
|Product dimensions:||5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)|
About the Author
Named one of New York's most popular psychotherapists by the New York Times Magazine, Sheenah Hankin, Ph.D., is codeveloper of Cognitive Appraisal Therapy and coauthor of Succeeding with Difficult Clients. She has conducted workshops throughout North America and Europe and lives with her husband in New York City.
Read an Excerpt
Complete ConfidenceA Handbook
By Hankin, Sheenah
The Path to Freedom
To be confident a person must walk a path to freedom, arriving at a place called Emotional Maturity. The people you will meet there are competent, high achievers. Cheerful and calm, they are free of anxiety and depression. They will welcome you, for they are not shy. When annoyed, they will set a good example with their straightforward honesty. They play the game of life with a Winning Hand, and you can join them if you make the journey.
The path to Emotional Maturity can free up everyone's inborn, natural confidence. Like any journey, there is much to gain and some necessary losses. On this pathway to confidence you will discover new ways of thinking and acting, and gain the emotional management skills that are the bedrock of complete confidence.
What you will lose are the immature emotions of childhood and adolescence. Fears of judgment and correction will be gone. There will be no more shaming self-criticism, and no helpless self-pity, for confident people are self-reliant and rarely need help. Instead of feeling guilt about not pleasing other people or resentment about having to please them, you will listen to yourself and do only what you believe to be right and necessary. And to further lighten the burden of emotional immaturity, you'll learn to calm and comfort emotions internally, within the brain, ending dependence on binges and addictions, the insecurity blankets so many people cling to.
"But Sheenah," you might ask (my clients call me by my first name and I hope you will, too), "this is some promise you are making. Is it mere psychobabble?" Good question. Let me answer it. Notice how you are dissuading rather than encouraging yourself to try. Realize how your doubts about our confidence project are built on dark predictions of disappointment and failure. If you see success as unlikely or even impossible, you undermine your confidence.
Begin now by fighting against any tendency that will undermine your effort. "This won't work." "I've tried before and failed." "This book is probably just the same old self-help stuff." "People can't change." These ideas are self-defeating, and in a way self-pitying and humiliating. You are not so powerless.
Instead, listen to the opportunity knocking at your door right now. It's not the sweepstakes guy ready to hand you a check for a million dollars. This is an opportunity that doesn't require any luck or good fortune. The Winning Hand knocks on your door. I stand waiting with my hand outstretched to take yours and walk forward into confidence and success. Confidence is worth more than a million dollars, so make the effort for yourself.
Hold out your hands and marvel at how much they do for you. They protect you when you fall. They feed you. They hold the hands of those you love. They massage, caress, and arouse. They wave good-bye.
You have a hand in your own troubles, too. So, as you hold your hands in front of you, look hard at your fingers. They can also poke and point in criticism and accusation at others and yourself.
The mission of this book is to enable you to take yourself in hand.
I can help you gain the confidence you need to retire your Losing Hand. Playing with a Winning Hand means you will activate every talent you have, eagerly take every opportunity you are given, and calmly solve every problem you face.
It is time to stop blaming yourself and others, to stop pointing a finger at the flaws you falsely perceive as preventing you from living a successful life, to stop generating shame and self-pity. It is time to give up the habits of a loser, and to think and act like a winner.
Partners in Confidence
Partners starting a business sign a contract. As my future partner, please read this contract carefully before you sign it.
"But Sheenah," you ask, "why should I trust you? I haven't even met you." If you want to know more about me before signing the contract, first read the next section. I hope you will then agree to be my partner in confidence.
The Commitment to Confidence Contract
- I will read Complete Confidence from beginning to end.
- I will practice all the strategies and behaviors that are required for a confident life, and repeat them over and over again so that I can learn to become confident. (People learn by rehearsal.)
- I will be very persistent because it is not intelligence, money, or good luck that leads to success; it is persistence.
- I will have faith that I can learn to be more confident. I will not listen to my feelings if they make me feel that I will fail.
- I will begin to read Complete Confidence today and I will set time aside every day until I finish it -- I will not put off this project.
I commit to the aforementioned conditions:
I, Sheenah Hankin, commit to being your partner. I promise that the methods I describe in my book work when you fulfill your commitment, which I trust that you will.
Meet Sheenah, Your Partner in Confidence
Unlike therapists who reveal nothing about themselves, I prefer the openness of self-disclosure. So, I'll tell you a little about myself. In my busy practice in New York, I invite every client to ask me personal questions, for people are usually curious about shrinks. What are their private lives like? Are they secretly nuts like those depicted in the movies and on television? Do they have children? How do their children and marriages turn out? Are they obsessed with sex? Are they competent and confident? Do they have enough professional and reallife experience to be helpful?Continues...
Excerpted from Complete Confidence by Hankin, Sheenah Excerpted by permission.
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
No training in psychology? So where is this Internation University located from where she claims a Ph.D.? I agree on the not footnotes comment too. Thanks for that.
Unfortunately the author does not have real training in psychology. The book is very general and has no clinical research to back up its claims. Could we have at least one footnote please? Nice off the shelf book by a media personality.
I didnt get much from this book. It is best for people that have about 1% of confidence, not for those hoping to advance their confidence in any way. For me, it is a waste of my money!
I bought this book after once again failing to stand my ground during a disagreement, feeling like a 10 year old child. Sheenah's book helped me to understand why so many of my actions and thoughts were harmful to my well being. Then in a precise way gave me insight and tools to deal with so many of the destructive emotional habits that have been second nature for me and to challenge and then change them. I am far more confident now than I was before reading her book and it has changed my life. Complete Confidence is a treasure and it is a true handbook that I will use untill I have mastered the journey to confidence. I strongly recommend it. You will not be disappointed.