Daughters of Madness: Growing Up and Older with a Mentally Ill Mother

by Susan L. Nathiel Ph.D.

Overview

June was 9 years old when she came home from school and her schizophrenic mother met her at the door, angrily demanding to know, Who the hell are you? What are you doing in my house? Tess's mother would wait outside church, then scream at family friends as they emerged, accusing them of spying and plotting to kill her. Five-year-old Tess and her 7-year-old brother would cry and beg their mother to take them home as onlookers stared. These are just two of the stories among dozens gathered for this book. The children, now adults, grew up with mentally ill mothers at a time when mental illness was even more stigmatizing than it is today. They are what Nathiel calls the daughters of madness, and their young lives were lived on shaky ground. Telling someone that there's mental illness in her family, and watching the reaction is not for the faint-hearted, the therapist says, quoting another's research. Nathiel adds, Telling them it is your mother who's mentally ill certainly ups the ante. A veteran therapist with 35 years experience, Nathiel takes us into this traumatic world—each of her chanpters covering a major developmental period for the daughter of a mentally ill mother—and then explains how these now-adult daughters faced and coped with their mothers' illness.

While the stories of these daughters are central to the book, Nathiel also offers her professional insights into exactly how maternal impairment affects infants, children, and adolescents. Women, significantly more than men, are often diagnosed with serious mental illness after they become parents. So what effect does a mentally ill mother have on a growing child, teenager or adult daughter, who looks to her not only for the deepest and most abiding love, but also a sense of what the world is all about? Nathiel also makes accessible the latest research on interpersonal neurobiology, attachment, and the way a child's brain and mind develop in the contest of that relationship.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780275990428
Publisher:	Bloomsbury Academic
Publication date:	03/30/2007
Series:	Women's Psychology
Edition description:	New Edition
Pages:	224
Product dimensions:	6.40(w) x 9.55(h) x 0.75(d)

About the Author

Susan Nathiel is a psychotherapist treating individuals, couples and families. She has been in practice for more than 30 years, and has a special interest in helping families deal with problems. Nathiel is a Founding Member of the Connecticut Guild of Psychotherapists and Founding Member of the Center for Illness in Families.

Table of Contents

Foreword     xi
Acknowledgments     xiii
Introduction     xv
Mother's Role in Our "Self" Development     1
The Research: Bonds and Brains     7
Early Childhood     19
Something's Wrong with Mom     23
What's Real?     24
Am I Bad?     27
When Mom Is Mean, or Just Doesn't Care     29
Why Doesn't Anybody Help?     30
Keeping Secrets     32
Making the Best of Things     33
Middle Childhood     37
Mom at Home     38
Mom and Me     46
Explanations     51
Who Am I?     56
Mom Goes to the Hospital     60
Mom in Public     64
Daughters Go out into the World     66
Keeping Family Secrets     68
Fathers and Siblings     72
Suicide Threats and More     76
Resilience     78
Adolescence     81
Mom at Home     82
Mom in Public     89
Psychiatric Treatment and Hospitals     91
What to Think? What to Feel?     99
Rites of Passage     101
Fathers andSiblings     103
Shame and Secrets     106
Psychological Fallout     109
Early Exits     113
Resilience     114
Young Adulthood     119
Going out into the World     120
Staying Connected with Home     124
Mom in the Hospital     126
Beginning Her Own Family     132
Fallout and Resilience     134
Adulthood     139
Mothers' Lives, Continued     140
Getting Along, or Not     142
Elderly Mothers     147
Mothers as Grandmothers     149
Hospitals and Psychiatric Treatment     150
More Fallout     153
Fallout for Siblings     157
Reflections     159
Reflections about Fathers     162
Afterthoughts     167
Some Final Reflections on Mothers' Lives     167
The Best and Worst of Being a "Daughter of Madness"     170
What Do We Need to Learn?     175
Short Biographies of Women Interviewed     181
Notes     187
Index     191
About the Series Editor and Advisers     195

What People are Saying About This

Victoria Secunda

"This is the most thoughtful, well-researched, and deeply moving book I have ever read on the effect upon daughters of mentally ill mothers. Susan Nathiel has an uncommon understanding of children's pre-verbal mental development and the degree to which a mother's emotional absence, unpredictability, or frightening behavior can permanently shape a daughter's world view. Written with extraordinary]gracefulness and balance, Daughters of Madness will be of immeasurable comfort to families of the mentally ill, and should be required reading for every student of psychology, general medicine, and law."

—

Victoria Secunda, author, When Madness Comes Home and When You And Your Mother Can't Be Friends

Victoria Secunda

"This is the most thoughtful, well-researched, and deeply moving book I have ever read on the effect upon daughters of mentally ill mothers. Susan Nathiel has an uncommon understanding of children's pre-verbal mental development and the degree to which a mother's emotional absence, unpredictability, or frightening behavior can permanently shape a daughter's world view. Written with extraordinary]gracefulness and balance, Daughters of Madness will be of immeasurable comfort to families of the mentally ill, and should be required reading for every student of psychology, general medicine, and law."

Joan Hedrick

"This book will do an immense service for families with mentally ill parents. Beautifully organized and framed by Nathiel's compassionate analysis and guidance for change, these compelling stories of daughters whose childhood sense of self was disrupted by the mental illness of their mothers make it clear how mental illness is a family disease. The daughters' struggles are moving, painful and yet ultimately hopeful. This book will go a long way toward changing our attitudes toward mental illness in women with children."

—

Joan Hedrick, Author of the Pulitzer Prize-winning Harriet Beecher Stowe: A Life, Charles P. Dana Professor of History, Trinity College

Joan Hedrick

"This book will do an immense service for families with mentally ill parents. Beautifully organized and framed by Nathiel's compassionate analysis and guidance for change, these compelling stories of daughters whose childhood sense of self was disrupted by the mental illness of their mothers make it clear how mental illness is a family disease. The daughters' struggles are moving, painful and yet ultimately hopeful. This book will go a long way toward changing our attitudes toward mental illness in women with children."

Editorial Reviews

Any book that helps us to understand the experiences of the mentally ill and their families is welcome, and Nathiel's is no exception. She has produced a useful study which is well written with clearly presented information that is accessible to mental health practitioners as well as those with mental health problems, their families and other caregivers.” —Metapsychology Online Reviews

“[T]here has been little written about the experience of growing up with a parent living with a mental illness….Psychotherapist Susan Nathiel's new book, Daughters of Madness: Growing Up and Older With a Mentally Ill Mother makes an important contribution to the literature by providing a qualitative description of the experiences of 18 women growing up with a mother living with mental illness….Nathiel skillfully draws from her 35 years of clinical experience in working with families in describing psychological patterns clearly and vividly. This book would be helpful for all mental health professionals and trainees to further their understanding of this experience….Daughters of Madness provides a unique, insightful, and poignant look into the challenges common to life with a parent with a mental illness. The well-organized text makes an important contribution to the literature, and the qualitative approach yields rich findings.” —PsycCRITIQUES

“Practitioner Nathiel lets her interviewees largely speak for themselves as they recount their horrific stories and the challenges they face. She notes that even though stigma has been reduced, the daughters experienced their trauma at a time when to have schizophrenia or bipolar disease in the family was socially unacceptable. She follows the effects of maternal mental illness from early childhood (Am I bad?) to middle childhood (Who am I?), and from the adolescent years to young adulthood and the fear of perpetuating illness in the daughters' own families. Nathiel includes the effects on fathers and other siblings as well as areas for further research. This is strong stuff, and frequently riveting.” —SciTech Book News

From the Publisher