Deadly Dilemma: A Memoir

by Anthony Gurley

Overview

Are those moments of victory, success, and happiness sufficient in number, scope, and magnitude to outweigh the failures, disappointments, fear, and isolation that often color life's landscape?

In Deadly Dilemma, Anthony takes you on a journey of remembrance and reflection. Everyone has a story. Sometimes, we need a nudge to revisit our stories and confront the experiences that have shaped our lives.

Anthony is not famous. He is not a celebrity, an athlete, or a politician. He's an ordinary guy with a story to tell, asking that bigger question about life. He grew up in a small town in eastern North Carolina. A stellar student, he enrolled in college, where it took him ten years to get a four-year degree. He got married, started raising a family, and embarked on a lifelong career working with college students and mentors.

Anthony has battled poor self-image and lack of self-esteem all his life. His daddy told him to "Get out of the way. I can't see through muddy water" and "Don't ask me for a damn thing." Those words have haunted him as he struggled to value his own self-worth.

As a college counselor, Anthony's advice to young people reflects his life experience:

Friends- choose them carefully, and cultivate

Choices- make them wisely, and learn

Consequences- embrace them graciously, and move on.

"In a world where many who state their faith seem focused on 'looking' perfect, Anthony simply shares his life's highs and lows (and reflections). This book is relatable, surprising, inspiring, shocking, and believable."

- Chris Arline, Guilford College '95

"The 'Deadly Dilemma' is real to all of us, and I stand with you, Anthony, in the eternal street fight to live an authentic life."

- Jeff Thigpen, author of On Point: Voices and Values of Young Elected Officials

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781662887864
Publisher:	Mill City Press, Inc
Publication date:	01/16/2024
Pages:	336
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Anthony Gurley is not famous. He is not a celebrity, athlete, politician, or business tycoon. His is not a household name. He is just an average guy with a story to tell, one told under the umbrella of asking a bigger question about life relating to daily successes and victories, and failures and disappointments, both personal and professional.

Anthony grew up in public housing in eastern North Carolina in the 1950s and 60s, the youngest of five children, six years younger than his closest sibling. His father walked out on him and the family at home just as he turned twelve.

After graduating from high school in 1967 Anthony spent the next ten years earning a four-year degree at Guilford College, taking time away on two occasions working, getting married, and starting a family. He then spent thirty years at his alma mater as the Director of Financial Aid, Assoc. Dean of Enrollment, and then Director of Student Financial Services. He retired in 2009 to devote full-time to Mo-T-Vation Ministry, a program he launched to provide scholarships and mentors to college-going Christian artists and athletes.

Through the years, Anthony has battled the rigors of poor self-image and lack of self-esteem. His daddy’s words to him as a child, “Get out of the way. I can’t see through muddy water,” and “Don’t ask me for a damn thing,” have haunted him in his struggle to value his own self-worth. Through it all, he has been blessed with his wife, Becky, for fifty-one years, two children, and three grandchildren. He also acknowledges an awareness of a faith walk which has always been at the core of his journey, even when he was not in step with The One leading the way.

Read an Excerpt

Dedication

In memory of my mother, Maude Evelyn Worrell Gurley, who did the best she could, gave all she had, and was willing to let her son pursue his dreams. Also, in honor of Royce Beck Smith, my father-in-law, and so much more. I could never have known when I met his daughter that I would once again have a father in my life.

Also, in honor and memory of Stuart Epperson, Sr. After hearing me share a brief version of this story publicly several years ago, he told me “You need to write that down”. It took a while for me to get there, but I finally did. Thank you, Stu.

Acknowledgments

What follows in this epistle is the end result of several years of remembering, reconstructing, list-making, and soul-searching. What began as an attempt to capture Pappy’s story, so my children and grandchildren might know me, for better or worse, in a way they would never otherwise know me. I owe them that much. Whatever value there is in telling this story and offering it publicly is owed to a multitude of family members, friends, schoolmates, and work colleagues.

The limits of pages and word counts would not allow me to fully express the depth of my gratitude to my high school coaches. Gerald Whisenhunt, my head football coach, led a cadre of men who reached out to me during my high school years to fill that void vacated by my absent father. Along with Coach Whisenhunt, there were Coaches Sam Shugart, Bob Waller, George Whitfield, Bill Garner, and David Odom. Hardly a day has gone by over the years that one or more of these men hasn’t crossed my mind and brought back wonderful memories at times when such memories were much needed

I must also acknowledge the role Willie Frye, the pastor at Goldsboro Friends Meeting, played in my introduction to the Quaker church and all that transpired in my life springing forth from that introduction. For several years from my late teens until after I was married and started a family Willie was a role model and guiding force for me.

After high school, during my forty years at Guilford College as a student and staffer, I was blessed to come alongside many men and women who touched my life in lasting and meaningful ways. Sandy Pearman worked in my office as a work-study student when I first entered the job. Dianne Harrison, or Di, was the office secretary. Both were there for me throughout my time at Guilford. My bosses, Herb Poole, Jim Newlin, and Randy Doss, treated me with respect, always trusted my performance, and stood by me in difficult times. I can never thank them enough.

The first time I shared a synopsis of my story was before a group of Christian brothers, at the Winston-Salem chapter of the New Canaan Society. The seeds were sown that grew into a thought of capturing the story in greater length for my family and maybe a few close friends. Unexpectedly, Stuart Epperson, Sr. reached out to me afterward and told me I should “write that down”. Not long afterward, I began the journey. If anyone reads this rendering and is moved to deal with their struggles and challenges in a constructive way, I must say “Thank God” and his messenger, Stu Epperson, Sr.

Once I undertook the task of “writing it down”, I shared the opening letter with a lady in our church and a long-time friend of the family. Lynette Hampton has been a published novelist most of her adult life under the pen name Agnes Alexander. After reading The Letter at the beginning of the story, Lynette told me I needed to rethink my plans. She encouraged me to proceed with the assumption that this project was worthy of publishing. While it is my story and my journey, there are readers who might benefit from reading my story, perhaps motivating them to face their demons and find their anchors. To Lynette I say, “Thank you”. I am a better man going down the backstretch of life for listening to Lynette’s advice. Through these pages, I hope I have been worthy of Lynette’s confidence.

A manuscript cannot become a good book without passing through the lens of review and editing from a trusted cadre of capable Beta readers. I want to thank Kathy Adams, Chris Arline, Bud Andrews, Jeff Thigpen, Kay Pittman, Paul Coscia, and Lynette Hampton for their time and skilled review of my work. What finally reached the publishing presses did so only due to the honest critiques of these good friends. I am forever grateful.

Finally, I must say “Thank you” to Becky, Scot, and Courtney. I know it was not easy for them to read some of Pappy’s stories. I hope some of what they read brought back pleasant memories. I know some of what they read was new to them and totally caught them by surprise. I apologize for anything they read that caused them pain or sorrow. I am grateful for the good times and known experiences that we shared during this endeavor. I can never thank God enough for putting Becky, Scot, and Courtney into my life. Thank you all for allowing me to walk with you on your journeys. Forgive me for my missteps.

Mill City Press
Maitland, FL

Copyright page

This work depicts actual events in the life of the author as truthfully as recollection permits and/or can be verified by research. All persons within are actual individuals. The names of some individuals have been changed to respect their privacy.

Lyrics from “Surely the Presence of the Lord is in This Place” are printed with permission from Lanny Wolfe and Paradigm Music Productions, copyright 1977.

‘To Be Or Not To Be’ Soliloquy By William Shakespeare c. 1599

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers. All rights reserved worldwide.

Table of Contents

Prologue- The Letter... I Never Sent

1. So It begins
2. Into the World
3. Sports As Escape
4. Awakenings of Loneliness
5. Never Good Enough
6. Outside Looking In
7. Introduction to Quakerism
8. First Try at College
9. Dropping Out
10. An Unexpected Glimmer
11. Hope on the Horizon
12. Starting a New Life Together
13. Will I Never Learn?
14. Guilford College 3.0
15. Coming to Terms
16. Maybe There Is a Mission Here
17. Something Needs to Change
18. Yet Another Chance to Believe
19. Does It Really Matter?
20. I’m Still Tired

Epilogue- A Postscript