Denton Little's Deathdate

Denton Little's Deathdate

by Lance Rubin

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780553496994
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Publication date: 02/07/2017
Pages: 368
Sales rank: 92,527
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)
Age Range: 14 - 17 Years

About the Author

Lance Rubin is the author of Denton Little's Deathdate. He's worked as an actor and written sketch comedy, including successful runs of The Lance and Ray Show at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York City. He's also co-written a new musical called Broadway Bounty Hunter. Lance lives in Brooklyn with his wife and son. He is very glad he doesn't know his deathdate. You can follow him online at LanceRubin.com and on Twitter @LanceRubinParty.

Read an Excerpt

1

I don’t think this is my bed.

It’s hard to know for sure, as my head is in excruciating pain, but there’s something about this bed that doesn’t feel like me. It’s got extra fluff.

This is disappointing. I had a very clear vision for how the day of my funeral would start, and it involved waking up in my own bed. I would yawn and stretch like a well-rested comic strip character as the smell of bacon wafted up from downstairs. There’s so much bacon down here! my stepmom would shout.

But instead, I’m swiping at my skull to make sure there aren’t any knives sticking out of it as I listen to the voice of some lady who’s not my stepmom talking about something that is not bacon. “Nothing yet,” she says, from out in the hallway. “Yes, trust me, I know this is important.”

Ow. Something’s lumped up under my back. Possibly my old faithful companion, Blue Bronto. Maybe this is my bed after all!

Nope.

It’s a pink koala.

I have never owned a pink koala.

“Well, I’m doing everything I can,” the woman in the hallway says.

Of course. It’s Paolo’s mom. I’m in Paolo’s house.

I make a halfhearted attempt at sitting up, and as the room slowly spins, I look around. My eye lands on a poster for the National Sarcasm Society. LIKE WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT, it reads under the logo.

This is not Paolo’s room.

It’s a room I’ve been in approximately three times before, the room of Paolo’s older-but-not-by-much sister, Veronica. So: I just woke up on the day of my funeral in my best friend’s sister’s bed. This was never part of my plan.

“Denton . . . Are you awake in there?” Paolo’s mom says from just outside the door.

I shoot back down and pull the blanket up over my head. She doesn’t seem to care that I’m in her daughter’s room, but I’d prefer to hide.

“No, he’s still out cold,” she says as she walks away.

I shrug the blanket off, noticing a Band-Aid on my right index finger. I have no idea why it’s there. I must have hurt my finger.

At least my critical thinking skills are firing on all cylinders.

I need to mobilize. I turn onto my stomach, and my face mashes deep into the pillow, getting a full-on blast of girl smell. The scent--a mysterious amalgam of soap, peaches, and . . . mint?--travels up my nasal passages and slams into my brain.

Wait.

Veronica’s face appears in my mind, speaking as she gets within kissing distance: “It’s just because I feel bad for you.”

I remember. I made out with my best friend’s sister in my best friend’s sister’s bed last night. That’s incredibly exciting.

But waitasecond. I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend who is not Veronica.

I lift up the covers and look down at myself. My plaid shirt is unbuttoned. Thankfully, I am still wearing jeans. But pants or not, I have completely betrayed my girlfriend, Taryn. Who I really like. Her face pops into my brain: “You’re really cool and great and fun, but I don’t think I can do this.”

Hold on.

Did my girlfriend dump me last night? I put my hands on my face and joggle my head back and forth, hoping to ease my brain-pain and settle my thoughts into some logical arrangement.

She totally did.

I made out with Veronica and got dumped by Taryn last night. Hopefully not in that order.

My headache pulses. My mouth is sand.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I hear Paolo’s mom say in a sharp tone. “He’s just gonna mess this up.” Her intensity is sobering, but only for a fleeting second.

Time to go. I roll to the other side of the bed. A rotting-fruit smell collides with my nose, and I vomit. Right on Veronica’s pillow.

Oh man. Through throw-up tears, I see an almost-empty bottle of peach schnapps on the carpet near the bed. Gross.

I hear a scary buzz from under the covers, and I spring into action, legs scrambling wildly as I propel myself back against the thin metal columns of Veronica’s headboard. Approximately two seconds later, I realize the buzz was my phone, and not some sort of hostile bug.

I am a cool, manly dude.

Hey you awake yet? Paolo has texted.

Yes. You in your room? I text back, wondering if he’s writing to me from across the hall. As I wait for a response, I push the vomit-pillow onto the floor, where it lands amongst a tiny village of bags and crates, detritus from Veronica’s first year at college. She just got home a few days ago.

Ha no we got school today bro, Paolo texts. Well you don’t haha.

Right. Of course I don’t.

Because my funeral is at 2 p.m. this afternoon.

For the first time since opening my eyes, I don’t think about what I’m doing in this room, what happened last night, or when the construction crew in my brain is going to let up.

What I think is: Tomorrow is the day I’m going to die.



2

I don’t mean to be dramatic about it. Well, I do, because I think it’s funny and it makes people uncomfortable, which I like, but it’s really not that dramatic.

People have known that tomorrow is the day I will die since I was born. Just like almost everyone else in the world knows the date when they will die, thanks to the group of doctors, scientists, statisticians, and astrologers led by the Nobel Prize–winning, featured-in-every-science-textbook-ever Herman Mortensky, who pioneered the field of AstroThanatoGenetics (ATG).

Is it still weird and anxiety-provoking that my deathdate is tomorrow? Hell to the yes. But do I need to get movie-preview-voice-over-guy intense about it? Probably not. Which isn’t to say people shouldn’t feel bad for me if they want. In my entire senior class at MHS, there are only three kids with deathdates during high school, and one of them is me. The other two are Ashley Miller, who died from a weird brain thing during our freshman year, and Paolo, my best friend, whose deathdate is twenty-six days after mine. Delightful coincidence, right? Best friends dying within one month of each other! I’d think that, too, if I didn’t know that our close deathdates are a big part of why we became friends in the first place.

During our first week of kindergarten, I was minding my own business in the book corner, reading a story about this bear that bakes a birthday cake for the moon, when suddenly this slightly chubby, smiley little guy was looking over my shoulder. (I guess I was also a little guy at that point, but you get the idea.) At first, I was annoyed, like, Let me read in peace! But then he said, “The bear should give the moon a cake for his deathday, too,” which struck me as the funniest thing ever on so many levels, just the wisest, most insightful words I’d ever heard. (In retrospect, it doesn’t hit quite as hard, but to a kindergartner, it killed.) (Pun maybe intended.)

We cracked up for a long time, and then we started talking about deathdates. “My mom told me you’re an Early,” Paolo said. An Early is anyone whose deathdate comes before the age of twenty-one. “Yeah,” I said, looking down at the carpet. “Me too!” he said. I was elated. I’d never met another Early before.

So there we were: laughing at the same things and both on the road to being dead before even leaving the public school system. If that’s not a solid foundation for friendship, I don’t know what is.

My phone buzzes again, and this time I’m only terrified for the briefest of milliseconds.

Everyone is talking about your funeral, texts Paolo. Gonna be a good turnout dude! Hope you’re feeling ok haha man you were WASTED last night. So proud

So I can now definitively say that this horrible headache/dry-mouth/overall badness of feeling is a hangover. My first ever, how exciting. And just in time.

I’ve had the past week off from school, though of course I could have stopped attending way before that. But then it would have been me hanging out in my empty house or with my parents when they’re not at work. No thanks! At least Paolo’s played hooky with me the past few days, both because he’s a good friend and in anticipation of his own earthly departure. (I remember now that he said he was going to school today to “build some good buzz” for my funeral.)

Most people spend their DeathWeek doing the things they most love to do. For people my age, that often amounts to a crazy spring-break-style marathon of mindlessness. I’m not against that, but it’s not exactly my style, and drinking has never really appealed to me. It was only Paolo’s strong persuasive abilities (“Don’t you wanna know what it feels like?”) that finally convinced me to ditch our original plan to go movie-hopping (one of our favorite pastimes, already featured earlier during my DeathWeek) in favor of hanging around in Paolo’s house and enjoying the now-gone peach schnapps. (As well as, apparently, the now-gone Veronica.)

I don’t know if I should feel encouraged or nervous or what that most of my high school will be at my funeral. If we’re going to be brutally honest, people are probably “talking about my funeral” because they’re excited it’s going to get them out of eighth period and end the school day early.

There’s also the whole Veronica-Taryn situation. If this is that “blackout drunk” thing kids are always talking about, I’m not a fan, as it would be helpful to go into my funeral knowing who I made out with, who I broke up with, and anything else I did that’s awesome/horrible.

What exactly happened last night? Paolo’s mom had told me earlier in the evening that she would give me a ride home so that I could spend my last guaranteed night of life in my own bed. I had planned to start my funeral day--today--with a morning run to clear my head. That’s not happening. Not to mention that my stepmom is probably freaking out that I chose to sleep somewhere other than under her roof.

“Okay, Dent . . . You awake yet?” Paolo’s mom says from just outside the door.

“Morning,” I say. “I’ll, uh, be out in a minute.”

“Oh!”

I realize now she was actually speaking to the door of Paolo’s room, across the hallway. Until I just responded from Veronica’s room. My b.

“Didn’t know you were in V’s room, sorry about that!” she continues, sounding as chipper and friendly as ever. Why she is apologizing to me for my being in her daughter’s bed, I have no idea. Until I remember that my dying tomorrow may be a strong incentive for people to treat me well today.

“Not a problem! Just wanna, uh . . .” I’m staring at Veronica’s semi-ironic Smurfs pillowcase lying on the floor. Some of my throw-up has caked into Papa Smurf’s beard. “ . . . make the bed and stuff.”

“Sounds good. I have some Tylenol out here, in case you need it.”

“Okay, great. Thanks, Cynthia.”

I hobble out of bed, make it to the bathroom, look in the mirror, dislike what I see, splash water on my face, try to barf some more in the toilet, sort of succeed, grab some toilet paper, wet it, attempt to clean up Veronica’s pillow, sort of succeed, decide instead to take the pillowcase off, throw it into the closet, return the bare pillow to Veronica’s bed, and make said bed, feeling a sense of victory when the comforter reaches all the way past the pillows, making it seem like I’d never even been here.

As I survey my work, I notice a piece of paper on Veronica’s nightstand. Off to work, it says, in Veronica’s delightfully feminine and loopy handwriting. That was fun. Kinda. Make my bed please. See you at the funeral.

I smile at this note, the kindest words Veronica has ever directed at me. I’ve always thought our aggressive banter masked a genuine affection for each other. But I am wrong about a lot of things. So it’s possible these words, and our making out, came purely from a place of pity.

And why not? I pity me, too. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be one of those guys who are so chill and cool with everything that happens, able to roll with anything, my death most of all. I’ve prided myself on impressing people with how mature and accepting I am of my situation. (“Wow, you have such a great perspective on it; it’s really amazing.”) After all the hours of death counseling, I’d come to think that, as my death got closer, I would only grow more accepting--more resigned to my fate. But in this moment, with my funeral hours away and Veronica’s note in my hand, I don’t feel very chill or cool about any of it. Emotions mingle with my still-very-much-existent hangover, overloading my body’s circuitry. I throw up on Veronica’s comforter.



3

“Well, look who decided to come home and spend some time with his family on his last day,” my stepmom says to me seconds after I cross the threshold of our house, as if she’s been perched by the door for hours, a patient eagle waiting to sink its talons into an unsuspecting fish. “It’s already past eleven.”

“Hi, Mom,” I say, failing in my efforts to keep out any guilty inflection. “Sorry I ended up staying at Paolo’s last night. I really meant to come back here. But then we . . .” I rifle desperately through my brain-files for any shred of last-night memory I can safely insert into this sentence.

“Oh,” my stepmom interjects, “I talked to Cynthia this morning. I know all about what went on in that house.”

Yipes. Care to fill me in?

“And I understand,” she continues. “Don’t like it, but I understand. Apology accepted, my sweet son.”

“Thanks, Mom. And this isn’t exactly my last day; we’ve got all tomorrow to be together, too, so . . .”

“Yes, but we don’t know how much of tomorrow we have. You could be gone minutes after midnight tonight.”

“Thanks for the reminder.”

“Oh, Denton,” my stepmom says, starting to get a little tearful and bringing me in for a huge hug, which is actually not unwelcome at this moment. “I never wanted this day to come. I love you so much.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

My stepmom sniffs my neck. “You smell like liquor.”

“What?”

She pulls back to look at me, her hands on my shoulders like they’re a steering wheel. I can tell she wants to lecture me on the dangers of underage drinking but realizes that’s pointless. “You look terrible, Denton.”

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Denton Little's Death Date 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 9 reviews.
MorrisMorgan More than 1 year ago
Seeing as I just finished reading “Denton Little’s Deathdate”, I can only hope that I stop laughing long enough to write a coherent review. The plot is one of the most unusual I have read in a young adult novel, especially one meant to be funny while dealing with a guaranteed date of death.  It throws in a lot of curveballs as well, and it keeps you on your toes.  There isn’t really an easy way to describe it, or fit it into one genre, and it’s very possible that it managed to create its own category. All of the characters are well-developed and act realistically.  Well, as realistically as the circumstances allow.  Denton is especially endearing, and the dialogue had me sounding like I was recording a sitcom laugh track.  I’m pretty sure even the dogs think I’ve lost what little was left of my mind. I highly recommend it for around eight grade and up, but only if you’ve willing to risk spontaneous urinary incontinence. This review is based upon a complimentary copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
katherineS3 More than 1 year ago
Loved this book so much. Denton is such a real teenager - he isn't a sugarcoated version of the dream guy. He's funny and screwed up and loving and tactless and that makes his predicament all the more affecting. I love the sci fi elements of this book, but that isn't what takes center stage. It's the super funny dialogue and the super sad premise and all the characters' heartfelt reactions that made this one of my favorite books ever. A must-read!
Sandy5 More than 1 year ago
This book started quite a conversation on vacation with some people we just met. A conversation about death. It wasn’t a depressing conversation but an interesting chat that made everyone think about life in general. Let me just say that this book was very entertaining, fun and dynamic. The story is about death but the way the character deals with this subject was not what I expected. After reading the synopsis, I didn’t feel that I would be laughing while I read this novel, but I laughed a lot and I shared many parts of this book with my spouse as I thought this book was remarkable. This is definitely a book I will be rereading again. Denton knows exactly the date he will be dying. His best friend will be dying a month after him. Unfortunately his date is right before prom. Just thinking about the implications of knowing this date, would you want to know this yourself? How you will die exactly is not known but there is a procedure that most everyone follows for that day and there is a procedure for the day before your death. Following Denton through his procedures and then thinking about my own, it’s really hard for me to fathom this whole process. Just like The Giver, it’s just the way it is for these individuals. It started to get fun when Denton finally realized he was going to die without doing many of the typical things teens do in life, many of their “first” things. Once a quiet boy, Denton realizes he doesn’t have much time left on Earth and he becomes this strong, determined outspoken person who was trapped inside his body. It’s like he is breaking out of his shell and the transformation, just brings smiles to my face as I think about it. Where was this boy, years ago when he could have been “living” life to his fullest when now he is counting the hours, minutes and seconds as they pass away? It’s a wonderful, take-life-by-the-horns book that leaves you energized as you see Denton discover how important and precious his life really is. I was given this a copy of this book from NetGalley and Random House Children’s in exchange for an honest opinion.
jennifer Thomas More than 1 year ago
I had the honor of meeting Lance Rubin and he was great such a wonderful personality. I promised to read his book first so here is the review. It had me in stitches it was to funny and everything that you would never believe could happen does. He is caught in a love triangle when his life is about to end. The story is about a boy that lives in a world very much like the one we live in today the only difference is that in that world people know when they will die. Please take the journey with Denton on the last few days of his life and live this silly and chaotic adventure. Loved this book thank you for putting this story on paper can't wait for the next one.
MeReaderAtHeart_ More than 1 year ago
I love reading books that have a sense of humor, like this one. The story line takes place in a world just like ours, only everyone knows when they are going to die (their death date). Denton, who is only 17, wants to live a normal life but can't since he is going to die on the day of his senior prom. This is a fast and funny ride through the last hours of his life with a twist at the end. This is a must read. I LOVED IT.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Relatable and hilarious! Very well done!
KisaWhipkey More than 1 year ago
So, I have mixed feelings about this one. I wanted to love it (it was brought to my attention as a comp title for a book I genuinely did love), but for some reason, I just never truly connected with it. Part of that might be that I picked it up after reading a book that was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum in terms of style, tone, and genre, and part of it might be that I’m simply not the intended audience (this book is most definitely geared toward teens — and I would say male readers — as opposed to some YA titles that also appeal to adults), but whatever the reason, I just didn’t love it as much as I hoped. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy it though. I did. Quite a lot. But there was just something that never quite gelled for me. I will say that Rubin has done a phenomenal job at capturing the teen voice. Denton’s narration is clever and spot-on, the dialogue is snappy and flows well, and all of the character reactions felt perfectly in line with the plot, which, I might add, was highly original and intriguing. So what kept me from falling head over heels for this one? My best guess is that I struggled with the pace. It moves incredibly fast, and while that makes for a quick, fun read, it never seemed to have the substance I was looking for, the quiet moments in between all the shenanigans. It reads very much like a sitcom, and in fact, would make an excellent television show or movie. The rapid-fire dialogue, while excellent, was a tad exhausting at times and often reminded me of a stand-up comedy routine. And there was an awful lot crammed into what is essentially twenty-four hours of Denton’s life. The concept of the novel is superb though, and I really wish there had been more closure on that front. I spent about 3/4 of the book wondering what the genre actually was, as it seemed to oscillate between science fiction and magical realism, at least until the end, when it became clear that it was definitely science fiction and possibly even a little dystopian. I wanted to know more about the world Denton and friends lived in, about how exactly science had evolved to the point where it could predict someone’s date and manner of death based on DNA. But I suppose those are answers we’ll get later in the series. (At least, I hope we do.) Yes, it is a series, which is something that isn’t indicated until the very end of the book and the massive cliff-hanger, which further added to the episodic feel of the tale. There is a small teaser for the next one included — as in one page, small — but I don’t recommend reading it. I did, and it ruined the small sense of closure I had from the actual ending. So don’t do it if you can help it. It won’t add anything to your experience, in my opinion. I enjoyed much of the snarky, first-person present-tense narration, and there were several moments that did genuinely have me laughing out loud. But I found myself wondering things like how quickly the pop culture references would date the story, and why the publisher chose certain punctuation stylings when I should have been invested in the characters. Overall, I would recommend this book to an upper YA crowd — it does contain swearing, sex, and drug references — and I will continue to read the series. I guess I was just hoping for a little more than the book delivered.
CJListro More than 1 year ago
Read more: http://www.sarcasmandlemons.com/2015/04/arc-review-denton-littles-deathdate-by.html the basics Rubin immediately hooked me with his preposterously, darkly funny premise: Denton Little knows the day that he will die, and he's determined to make his last day his best. Deathdate delivers on this promise with a quirky first person narration that smoothly navigates the space between profound and irreverent. There are hangover revelations. Funeral dance parties (with disco ball). Unexplained purpleness. Denton is dying, but he's also just an eighteen-year-old boy with limited tact and a wayward libido--endearing, despite the times you'll want to smack him. The first half or so is a delightful mix of teenage antics and moments of true connection. Rubin manages to comment on the cruel terror of death while also celebrating life. However, my interest wavered towards the end, when the quirky fun gives way to a clumsy mystery and an unsatisfyingly abrupt ending. Despite slips in its execution, Deathdate is a meaningful, funny novel that will appeal to the idiot teenager in everyone.