Duct Tape Parenting: A Less is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible and Resilient Kids

by Vicki Hoefle

Overview

There's a new set of 3Rs for our kids-respect, responsibility, and resilience-to better prepare them for life in the real world. Once developed, these skills let kids take charge, and let parents step back, to the benefit of all. Casting hover mothers and helicopter parents aside, Vicki Hoefle encourages a different, counter-intuitive-yet much more effective-approach: for parents to sit on their hands, stay on the sidelines, even if duct tape is required, so that the kids step up. Duct Tape Parenting gives parents a new perspective on what it means to be effective, engaged parents and to enable kids to develop confidence through solving their own problems. This is not a book about the parenting strategy of the day-what the author calls "Post-It Note Parenting"-but rather a relationship-based guide to span all ages and stages of development. Witty, straight-shooting Hoefle addresses frustrated parents everywhere who are ready to raise confident, capable children to go out in the world.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781937134181
Publisher:	Taylor & Francis
Publication date:	09/06/2012
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator, author, parent coach, and national speaker with over twenty years of experience teaching parents, educators, and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents sustainable and proactive parenting strategies that provide time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. The Straight Talk on Parenting: A No-Nonsense Approach on How to Grow a Grown-Up (Bibliomotion, 2015) is Hoefle's second book; she is also the author of Duct Tape Parenting: A Less is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible and Resilient Children (Bibliomotion, 2012.) Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont. Alex Kajitani was named California Teacher of the Year and a Top-4 Finalist for 2009 National Teacher of the Year.

Table of Contents

Foreword xiii

Acknowledgments xvii

Introduction xix

Section I Before We Get the Duct Tape, Let's See What Needs Fixing: Note, It's Not the Kids 1

Chapter 1 Feeding the Weed: Your Focus Is the Problem 3

Chapter 2 Band-Aids on Bullet Wounds: Your Strategy Is the Problem 25

Chapter 3 Being the Maid: Doing for Your Kids Is the Problem 39

Chapter 4 Holding onto Discipline: Your Fear Is the Problem 58

Chapter 5 The Cul-de-Sac Syndrome: Your Thinking Is the Problem 72

Section II Get out the Duct Tape and Take a Leap of Faith 83

Chapter 6 Duct Tape for the Relationship: Repairing Family Fractures Is a Solution 85

Chapter 7 Duct Tape for the Mouth: Keeping Your Mind Open and Your Mouth Closed Is a Solution 107

Chapter 8 Duct Tape for Your Body: Quitting Your Job as the Maid Is a Solution 128

Chapter 9 Duct Tape for the Eyes and Ears: Ignoring the Drama and Mischief Making Is a Solution 153

Chapter 10 Prepare for Departure: Launch with Enthusiasm 173

Chapter 11 Duct Tape Works: Stories from Real Kids of Duct Tape Parents 201

Chapter 12 Duct Tape Is Good for the Family: A Family That Works Together, Sticks Together 219

Chapter 13 Simulating the Real World: Raising the Next Generation of Leaders 229

Afterword: Ode to Mom and Dad: The Kids' Perspective 239

Resources 251

Index 253

Editorial Reviews

Mother of five and professional parenting educator Hoefle shares the secrets to her success in dealing with typical behavioral problems in this hard-to-put-down, Adlerian Psychology-based parenting manual. She claims her method will improve relationships and create independent, thoughtful, resilient, and, of course, well-behaved children. But how to accomplish this feat? Stay calm, say nothing, have "radical faith" in your children. In other words, the titular duct tape is for the parents, not the kids. Calling attention to problematic behavior, Hoefle says, makes a harmless weed grow into something much worse: a long-term attention-getting scheme, or a deep-seated personality trait. As long as it's not a dangerous behavior or situation, Hoefle suggests that parents ignore it. When siblings fight, when a child is caught stealing, or when kids stall and slow down the morning, sit back and see what happens when you say nothing at all. Hoefle's strategy, which is an extreme form of natural consequences parenting, may seem irresponsible to some, but it clearly comes from the heart and is full of helpful tips even for those who find themselves in disagreement with the book's main assertion. And perhaps the proof is in the pudding—Hoefle did survive five kids, sanity intact. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

"[Hoefle’s] conjuncture that a misbehaving child is a discouraged child carries the weight of truth. By letting kids work out their own kinks, parents will have more time in the long run to enjoy their children and the parenting journey." – Library Journal, August 2013

From the Publisher