Emily Post's The Gift of Good Manners: A Parent's Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children

by Peggy Post, Cindy P Senning

Overview

Manners, fundamental social skills for success in life, are among the greatest gifts parents can give. From self-respect and respect for others to knowing how to behave in public, this comprehensive, practical guide helps parents instill age-appropriate manners as their child’s world expands from toddlerhood through the teen years. This is a must-have resource for every family.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780060933470
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	08/02/2005
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	480
Product dimensions:	5.80(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Peggy Post, Emily Post’s great-granddaughter-in-law, is a director of The Emily Post Institute and the author of more than a dozen books. Peggy writes a monthly column in Good Housekeeping and an online wedding etiquette column for the New York Times.

Cindy Post Senning, Ed.D., codirector of The Emily Post Institute, Inc., developed a training program for etiquette educators and conducts children's etiquette workshops across the U.S. and overseas. Cindy is the coauthor of all the Emily Post children's books, with her sister-in-law, Peggy Post.

Read an Excerpt

Emily Post's the Gift of Good Manners

A Parent's Guide to Raising Respectful, Kind, Considerate Children

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By Peggy Post

HarperResource

Copyright © 2005 Peggy Post
All right reserved.
ISBN: 9780060933470

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Chapter One

Building the Foundations

At some point -- usually between six and twelve weeks -- your baby will look at you and smile. As days and weeks go by, she will learn to greet you with expressions of both recognition and pleasure. These are among her earliest forays into the parent-child relationship. She is learning to trust you and to depend on your presence in her life. As she wakes to the world, her trust in you forms the bedrock for all her experiences to come.

Over her first twelve months, your baby will acquire an astonishing array of physical and mental skills, progressing from an almost totally reactive being who responds instinctively to physical stimuli (an empty tummy, a wet diaper, a sudden noise) to one who makes deliberate choices. She will begin to master her body and start to manipulate her environment -- grasping objects she wants, for example. She will learn to distinguish her primary caregivers and cling to them. Around five or six months, she will become delightfully sociable. She will begin to sense herself as a separate being and learn to recognize her name. She will be driven to explore by her limitless curiosity.From birth to twelve months, a baby is an incredibly busy little person.

You're the Model

You will not actively teach the principles or guidelines of etiquette for several years to come. But from the day she is born, you will be helping your child build her foundations for life. As babies develop, they increasingly learn through imitation. What you do will provide the example of how people act and interact. By your example and with the introduction of a few limits in the second half of your child's first year, you begin to establish patterns that will eventually translate into appropriate manners, conduct, and concern for the well-being of others.

By meeting your baby's physical and safety needs and giving her the fullness of your affection and attention, you are establishing trust and love -- the two great pillars of teaching and learning. Whatever the form of your nuclear family -- two parents, single parent, grandparents or other guardian as principal caregiver, adoptive or blended family -- you are the central figure in your infant's life and will be for many years. With your love and attention now, your child will be well on her way to becoming a loving, attentive, and considerate member of the human race.

Visits and Gifts

Because hospital stays after an uncomplicated birth are as short as a day or two, it's fairly easy to put off visitors until you return home. The problem with the early homecoming is that a postpartum mother often feels far from well yet, and both mother and father are coping with their new duties. Hopefully, family and friends will be both sensible and sensitive.

Most people will phone before coming to visit. If you are not up to receiving guests, you can explain and suggest alternative days and times. If people drop by unexpectedly, you can't turn them away, but you can set some limits. ("Gosh, it Is good to see you. We Just got the baby to sleep about twenty minutes ago. Let's visit for a while, but if she doesn't wake before you leave, we can plan another time." Your friend will get your message.)

Young Visitors

Young children or any child who is ill should not visit a home with a newborn. If friends call in advance, you can head off a problem. ("We'd love to have little Charlie over, too, but our pediatrician insists that the baby shouldn't be around other children for a few weeks yet. Tell Charlie that we'll miss him this time.") If parents with young children show up unannounced, your best tactic is to put your baby in her room or yours immediately. Your uninvited guests may think you're being overly protective, but as long as you are polite, they will have no reason to complain.

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About Baby Showers

Baby showers are usually given before a birth but may be given after your baby arrives. Co-workers, for example, may host a shower after new parents (dads as well as moms) return to the job. Showers for adopting parents can be held before or after the legal process is completed. Invitations to a shower never include gift suggestions. (A gift -- any gift -- is always the choice of the giver.) You can provide the hostess or host with a list of items you may need so that she can advise anyone who asks for a gift recommendation. If you provide a list, be conscious of the financial capabilities of the guests. Send a thank-you note to anyone who gave a gift but did not attend, including those who contributed to a group gift.

A grandparents shower is hosted for new grandparents by their friends. Although gifts are given to the grandparent for the new grandchild, it is the parents' responsibility to write thank-you notes.

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Deflecting Visits

A grandparent or other close adult may be able to run interference and deflect inconvenient visits. Also, let your home phone answering machine take calls during your busiest times, and you won't be caught by surprise when someone asks to drop by. You should return the calls as promptly as possible, but the answering machine gives you time to collect your thoughts and avoid a flustered response. Requests to visit will probably ease up after a few weeks. Your baby's christening, brit or brit bat, or other observance will satisfy most people's desire to see the baby and congratulate you in person.

Thank-You's

When you feel capable, use your spare time to complete thank-you notes and calls. While you should respond to gift givers as soon you can, people are generally understanding about short delays, especially in the weeks just before and after a baby's birth. But for gifts sent by mail or delivery service, phone the givers as soon as possible to let them know that their presents have arrived. (E-mail will work if you know that the person will understand the casual nature of your message.) Then follow up with a thank-you note.

Writing thank-you notes can be done by both parents. If you have older children, it will be a good lesson for them to see you thanking the people who have been so kind to the new baby.

Continues...

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Excerpted from Emily Post's the Gift of Good Manners by Peggy Post Copyright © 2005 by Peggy Post. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

	Foreword	xiii
	Introduction	xvii
Part 1	Waking to the World: Birth to Twelve Months
Chapter 1	Building the Foundations	3
	You're the Model
	Visits and Gifts
	The Building Blocks
	Actions Beget Reactions
	Setting Limits
	A Safe and Warm Environment
Chapter 2	First Lessons in Respect	16
	Siblings as Rivals
	Other Adults
	Playgroups and Other Children
	Competitive Parenting
	Child-Care Etiquette Issues
	Respecting Property
Chapter 3	The Budding Communicator	30
	How Babies Communicate
	Talking to Your Baby
	The Reading Habit
	Interactive Games and Play
Chapter 4	At the Table	38
	First Meals
	Mealtime Routines and Rituals
	Together at the Table
Chapter 5	In the Larger World	42
	Private Occasions
	In Public Places
	Religious and Other Special Observances
	In the Car
	Breast-Feeding in Public
	For Every Age: Children with Special Needs	54
Part 2	Learning the Basics: One to Three Years
Chapter 6	Establishing Your Values	61
	Clarifying Your Values
	Teaching Right from Wrong
	Encouraging Empathy
	The Real Meaning of Discipline
	Discipline That Works
	Managing Tantrums
	Early Decision Making
Chapter 7	Respecting Others	74
	Welcoming a New Baby
	Toddlers and Older Siblings
	Playing with Peers
	Dealing with Adults
	Respect for Property
	Choosing Toys and Activities
	Tasks for Toddlers
	Protecting the Property of Others
Chapter 8	Building Communication Skills	93
	Encouraging Language Learning
	Vocal Control
	Telephone Manners
	First Thank-You Notes
Chapter 9	Toddler Table Manners	105
	First Steps
	Behavior at the Table
	Setting the Family Table
Chapter 10	Going Out and About	112
	Car Travel
	Private Occasions
	Who's Minding the Child?
	About Birthday Parties
	Out in Public
	Tantrums in Public
	Stranger Danger
	For Every Age: New Family Etiquette Issues	125
Part 3	The Age of Discovery: Three Through Five Years
Chapter 11	Learning About Values	131
	Four Vital Steps
	Empathy and Fairness
	Honesty and Reality
Chapter 12	Promoting Respect	140
	Sibling Relations
	Playing with Peers
	Cooperating with Adults
	Coping with Peer Problems
	Discovering Diversity
	Introducing Good Sportsmanship
	About Privacy
	Taking Care of Property
	Encouraging Thriftiness
Chapter 13	The Expanding World of Language	160
	Conversing with Your Child
	The Basic Manners of Talk
	Reinforcing the "Magic Words"
	Meeting-and-Greeting Manners
	Unsavory Talk
	Teaching Telephone Manners
	Communicating in Writing
Chapter 14	Teaching Mealtime Manners	173
	Mealtime Basics
	Respecting Food Preferences
Chapter 15	Out-and-About Behavior	179
	Public Places and Activities
	Disciplining in Public
	Mobile Manners
	Party Manners
	For Every Age: Working It Out, Parent-to-Parent	188
Part 4	The Socialization Years: Six Through Ten Years
Chapter 16	Instilling Values and Ethics	193
	Kindness in Action
	Introducing Common Sense
	New Issues in Honesty
	If a Child Steals
	Concerning Cheating
	Borrowing and Trading
	The Value of Tradition
Chapter 17	The Importance of Respect	204
	The Privacy Question
	The New World of School
	A Parent's Responsibilities
	Respect for All School Personnel
	The Power of Peers
	Social Essentials
	Dealing with Bullying
	Teaching Joining-In Skills
	Encouraging Good Sportsmanship
Chapter 18	Oral and Written Communication	229
	More "Magic Words"
	The Art of Conversation
	Why Language Matters
	Undesirable Talk
	On the Telephone
	Putting It in Writing
Chapter 19	Improving Table Manners	247
	Fine-Tuning Basic Skills
	Dining Out
Chapter 20	Learning About the World	255
	Going Solo
	At Parties
	First Sleepovers
	Other Out-and-About Occasions
	For Every Age: The Over-Programmed Child	267
Part 5	The Bumpy Years: Eleven Through Fourteen Years
Chapter 21	Moral and Ethical Values	271
	Change for Everyone
	New Ways to Discipline
	Privacy Issues
Chapter 22	Respect for Self and Others	282
	The Changing Child
	The Influence of Peers
	Hygiene and Grooming
	Respect Within the Family
	Teen Chores
	Caring About Others
Chapter 23	Skillful Communication	297
	Your Guiding Hand
	Invitations and Replies
	Thank-You Notes
	Polite Conversation
	Introductions and Greetings
	On the Phone
Chapter 24	Dining Manners	319
	The Proper Setting
	A Few Food Manners
	Table Traumas
Chapter 25	Out on Their Own	329
	Transportation Concerns
	At School
	Party Time
	Rituals and Celebrations
	Adolescents in Groups
	Interaction with Peers
	Summertime Activities
	Joining the Workforce
	For Every Age: School Problems	346
Part 6	On the Threshold: Fifteen Through Eighteen Years
Chapter 26	Moral and Ethical Choices	351
	Trusting Your Teen
	Keeping Communication Open
	Freedom Versus Discipline
	The Value of Education
	The Truth About Cheating
Chapter 27	Demonstrating Respect Every Day	362
	The Art of Disagreement
	Respect for Diversity
	Respect for the Opposite Sex
	Self-Image and Appearance
	Privacy Considerations
	Good Sports, Good Leaders
Chapter 28	The Power of Communication	374
	Notes and Personal Letters
	Writing Business Letters
	High Schoolers and Speech
	On the Phone
	Speaking in Public
Chapter 29	The Etiquette of Entertaining	392
	When Teens Are Hosts
	Issuing Invitations
	The Duties of Hosting
	Being a Good Guest
Chapter 30	The Challenging World	406
	Licensed to Drive
	On the Job
	The Benefits of Dating
	Dating Etiquette for Teens
	Very Special Occasions
	Fine Points of Restaurant Dining
	Concerning Tipping
	For Every Age: Getting to College	433
	Index	435

What People are Saying About This

Sally Lee

“This book offers a wealth of warm, realistic advice for raising kids who are respecful, caring, and generous.”

Editorial Reviews

This book offers a wealth of warm, realistic advice for raising kids who are respecful, caring, and generous.” — Sally Lee, Editor-In-Chief, Parents Magazine

“Offers mannerly goals for children from babyhood to that moment when parent and child nod farewell at the college dormitory.” — Washington Times

From the Publisher

Offers mannerly goals for children from babyhood to that moment when parent and child nod farewell at the college dormitory.

Washington Times

This book offers a wealth of warm, realistic advice for raising kids who are respecful, caring, and generous.

Sally Lee

Teaching kids manners in our informal age is a tough, risky business, but the Emily Post dynasty (now in its third generation) has been grappling with such difficult problems for decades. This parent's guide offers trustworthy and realistic advice about teaching your kids to act responsibly and ethically; to behave well in public; to communicate clearly and courteously; and, not least important, to feel comfortable in social situations.

bn.com